Leaving my husband

8 replies

Rmwalker · 31/12/2011 20:29

I have two girls 1 and 3. Becoming a mum has been the making of me. My husband has struggled. He is not an instinctive parent and has repeatedly put my girls at risk of both physical and emotional harm. In June 2011 I explained my concerns to health visitor, she felt they were so serious she passed them on to social services. This kick up the arse has done little to change his behaviour and so I have decided to leave him. I have lost respect for him and no longer feel attracted to him. My girls and I will move fo a tiny one bed flat in two months. Next two months are going to be rough. He knows we are leaving, trying to keep him on side by saying it won't be permanent if he can show me he is changing. Work part time, worried about money, being lonely and my 3 year old missing her daddy. She has definitly picked up on atomosphere in house. Feel guilt. Feel like a faliure. My priority is giving my girls a happy and safe childhood. Any advice very welcomed.

OP posts:

Bossybritches22 · 31/12/2011 20:37

Rmwalker you are a very brave lady, it won't be easy but your children will be happier & safer with you away from your DHs threatening behaviour.

They are young enough to grow up with two happier apart parents who both love them, although I would push for him to only have supervised access until he can prove himself to be safe around them.

It is difficult, (do you have any other family support around? ) but not having that tension or worry around your daily lives will be such a relief.

Be good to yourself, accept any help offered, & keep posting, MN is a great support network I've found.

Bossybritches22 · 31/12/2011 20:40

Oh & the guilt will be with you for a while but please do not feel you are a failure, you have made the right move & it is as you say for your DD's future & that is the most important thing to hang on to.

froggies · 31/12/2011 21:17

Well done, you are so very brave. I wish I had had the courage to do the same as you, when my DC's were as young as yours. You are absolutly doing the right thing. I hope the money worries prove to be groundless, and that your 3 yr old adjusts well. Xx

thepeoplesprincess · 31/12/2011 21:25

You are anything but a failure dude. Congratulations and best wishes for a happier future.

superfrenchie1 · 31/12/2011 22:28

Rmwalker you're extremely brave and you're doing the right thing for your children. remember that. advice? recognise when things are tough, and ask for help. Don't forget that your own health and wellbeing is extremely important. Know that you'll get through it - it'll be tough yes, but you CAN do it. keep in mind a vision of where you want to get to - a long term one, like you and your ex living in separate houses, happy dcs, everyone happy with the contact routine, you working in a job you love (or being a SAHM), or whatever. it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking only about the short-term. and if you ever feel depressed, which you probably will at times, recognise that you're feeling low because you're in a rubbish situation BUT remind yourself that it will definitely get better... i'm sort of going through something similar and what keeps me sane is that i have this vision of myself in the future living in a nice house, or at least one i'm happy with, looking back on these tough years, and saying "yes, that was tough, but i'm glad i stuck with it because my children are better off with their parents living apart and things all turned out for the best"...

wishing you all the very best of luck x

cestlavielife · 31/12/2011 22:39

You doing the right thing.
Just let dd know when she will see dad and distract.

But does he know you leaving?
You cld be at risk if he knows and does not agree
Have you alternative plans if you need to fleee?

Purpleroses · 01/01/2012 21:43

Split up with my ex when DCs were aged 3 and a baby. Had dreaded telling DS but when I did he said "good"
It's really tough emotionally for you but don't presume that your DD1 will think it to be entirely a bad thing - if there's lots of stress and her dad is not being a great parent around her, then she may be happy about it. And at 3, they don't have much sense of what is 'normal' in terms of family life, so just tell her that you're going to live separately and she will still see her dad at whatever times you can arrange. Hope you can sort something out that's sufficient and safe for the DCs.

Also found it a great help to make sure i got the practicalities sorted out (money, etc) as that gives you a nice sense of control over your life, and helps when the rest of it feels a bit out of control and scary. And it gets better :)

Telling him it may not be permanent sounds a good tactic for now - get moved first and then deal with that one.

Bossybritches22 · 02/01/2012 11:01

Hows things going OP?

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