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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Bugger. Just... bugger

27 replies

Snorbs · 30/12/2011 21:25

My ex has been remarkably stable over the last year. Stone-cold sober, reliable, trust worthy and even pleasant. This is in very marked (not to mention welcome) contrast to the previous years of alcoholism.

So I turned up at her flat this evening to drop the DCs off and she's pissed as knickers :(

The DCs are in tears as I had to bring them back home but not before I got a torrent of abuse off the ex. The Fuck-Up Fairy is well and truly back.

Bugger.

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 30/12/2011 21:54

So sorry dude. Hopefully it was just a one-off.

Snorbs · 30/12/2011 21:57

(excuse the continuing ranting)

...and I'm going to have to ditch my plans for New Year's Eve and fuck knows what I'm going to do for after-school cover as my DCs were seeing their mum twice a week and and and...

Fuck it!

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Flotsamflo · 30/12/2011 22:11

So sorry Snorbs - seems like a bit of a crap start to the New Year!!!
Hopefully it will not continue - if your x managed to be sober for a year at least you know she is capable of change and maybe this was just a lapse?

I really hope things improve for you and the children.

SuePurblybilt · 30/12/2011 22:13

I sympathise, as someone who also has to rely on an Ex for some wrap around care.
Hopefully just a lapse?

Snorbs · 30/12/2011 23:11

Hopefully it will be a short-term thing. But in the mean time I'll have to do a lot of running around and asking favours to cover her selfishness and all the time the people who are going to be affected the most are my children.

It pisses me off, it really does. And I hate seeing her like that, drunk and stumbling and vicious. It brings back some unpleasant memories.

OP posts:
Snorbs · 30/12/2011 23:41

Sorry I should've said thanks for the sympathy. I do appreciate it.

Right, I'm off to bed. Time to dig out my most calming CDs.

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cestlavielife · 31/12/2011 00:01

sympathies from here too - 14 months ago i thought ex was better (MH) and dc would have regular contact, school pick ups etc - it all went belly up. very annoying and frustrating. tho have now gotten used to it.. waitign for tehm to grow up tog et time off...

i guess only you know from experience how long this phase will last.... and whether dc will trust her again... (mine say no point in trusting again it wila ll go wrong again, what is the point... )

solidgoldbrass · 31/12/2011 00:56

Oh bugger indeed. What a shame. Hopefully it will be just a lapse (Christmas etc being a real prime time for recovering addicts to go off the rails), but how rotten for you and DCs. And even for XW, really, who will wake up with a stinking hangover and (if she has been sober for a good long time) crushing miserable guilt.

Snorbs · 31/12/2011 11:13

Sadly it seems more like she's woken up with a hat full of angry, boots wrought from purest entitlement and a matching handbag sloshing with wild-arsed accusations.

Time to batten down the hatches I think.

OP posts:
Squeegle · 31/12/2011 11:33

Hallo there, really sorry to hear that. I can empathise as after a sober Xmas my partner started drinking on boxing day- only stopped yesterday. It's such a let down when you think things are stable. He's off to AA today, all full of optimism, but I am fed up and battle weary and want him out. The problem - as you point out, is when it causes all your plans and the DCs plans to collapse. Sorry about tonight, and fingers crossed she goes through the cycle and back to sobriety ASAP .

solidgoldbrass · 31/12/2011 12:05

What a lousy start to the year for you all. Sending you sympathy and strength.

BluddyMoFo · 31/12/2011 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snorbs · 01/01/2012 12:52

Indeed. My DCs have been very clingy. Annoyingly I've realised that my DD left her glasses at her mum's flat and the Fuck Up Fairy ex has gone incommunicado so I can't arrange to go round and pick them up. She's either refusing to answer out of pure spite or is still face down in the remnants of last night's booze.

Fucking alcoholics. Can't live with 'em, can't put 'em in a box and fire 'em at the sun.

(and... calm...)

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this bullshit too squeegle. How are things with you today?

OP posts:
Squeegle · 01/01/2012 14:51

Thanks for asking, yes, it is a familiar pattern for me unfortunately. Sorry to hear your ex is incommunicado, this is also one of my DP's habits. The worst is explaining to DCs why they can't talk to dad.

He is sober actually, but deeply moody and on a knife edge. I know this is a difficult time of year for those with drink problems, but am now feeling it's not ok to make it a difficult time of year for me and DCs too! I have been through too many of these xmases and other periods of drinking, stopping, starting again to really have any faith that things are going to change. I really want him to leave and for us to live separately . Nothing changes if nothing changes as they say...
I know it will be hard, but to be honest it has to be easier than this rollercoaster. How did you get to a point where you could live separately? Did you move out or did she?

UnlikelyAmazonian · 01/01/2012 16:07

Oh poor you. You can't do anything snorbs. Agree with sgb - a lapse hopefully. Very hard to stomach though.

Just keep getting up and putting clean pants on.

NYE is the shittiest night of the year in shitdom in shittyland. It really does make most people feel desperate. Nobody knows what they feel desperate about but unless you are newly in love, that is what it does to human metabolism and neurons.

It must go back to some time when humans controlled the expansion of our species by natural wastage ie giving up (no Samaritans in medieval times)

Whatever, I bloody loathe NYE and would make it illegal.

solidgoldbrass · 01/01/2012 20:00

Er, UA, it's perfectly possible to have an enjoyable NYE without romantic love being involved. I do not engage in romantic love at all yet had a cracking night out with friends and music. However, people who are unhappy about some aspect of their lives are likely to find the festive season hard work, I agree. And it's likely to be particularly hard for recovering alcoholics simply because it's hard to escape the message that Now's The Time To Get Wasted.

Snorbs · 02/01/2012 13:57

It was a long and horrible process to get her to move out. Her drinking, and the abuse she meted out when she was drunk, had been worsening for years but reached crisis point and I gave her a series of "it's me or the booze" ultimatums. In the end the stress was causing me un-ignorable health problems.

I realised that everything I was trying to hold together - our relationship, our family, the pretence to the outside world that everything was ok - was a sham. I'd already lost everything. The relationship was a sick joke, my children were being damaged by us staying together, and the lies I was telling to everyone about how things were fine were just that - lies. And I realised that she had no intention of stopping drinking.

That was both a terrifying and liberating moment. Having already effectively lost everything, I had nothing left to lose. That gave me the strength to stand up for myself and say once and for all that the relationship was over. She said that we should both move out to new places but I preferred to stay so - after six horrible months between the relationship ending and her finding somewhere else - eventually she moved out. We did week-on, week-off shared care of our children for a while (a bad idea, in hindsight) but it ended up with Social Services getting involved and our children now live full-time with me.

It's still not plain sailing but the less contact I have with her the better, happier and easier my life is.

OP posts:
Snorbs · 02/01/2012 14:00

In other news, I finally got through to the mad old bat on the phone and arranged to go and pick up my DD's glasses. I turn up at her house at noon and she was staggering-around drunk. Then claimed she didn't have DD's glasses after all Hmm Lying arse that she is.

So tomorrow I'm going to have to see how quickly I can get an appointment at the opticians to sort out a new pair of glasses for DD.

OP posts:
Squeegle · 02/01/2012 16:01

Thanks for your honest and articulate response. I appreciate you taking the time. I know where you're coming from. Particularly about the sham involved keeping up appearances. This Christmas everyone will say "Did you have a lovely Christmas" when I get back to work". Obviously I will say "Yes thanks, did you?" but in reality I will be very pleased indeed to get back in to the routine, and away from the pressure cooker that is Christmas here.

It's also been isolating. Because of his drinking I tend not to socialise much - it's been something that I have found myself withdrawing from more and more. Did you find that or not?

DP is back in the real world again - hallelujah. He wants to keep trying, but I guess I have been there for too long, and am keen for him to find somewhere else and find a new way. I think his problems need him to work on them. He's a real arse when drinking, abusive and nasty in a really childish way. It's taken me a long time to get to a point where I think it's his problem. I used to think if I could be loving enough, consistent enough, kind enough and forgiving enough (and read enough manuals about alcoholism!!!) then it would all be ok.

At last I realise he has to do it himself, and there's no reason for me and the DCs to keep going through this mill time after tedious time.

Really really sorry about your ex. That is such a bummer. Thank goodness your children have you to depend on. The problem with detachment is that it's that bit harder when kids involved. I realised I had to do something this year when DP was absolutely rat arsed one afternoon. He tried to give DS a lift on his back in the garden. They both fell over (all fine). The next day DS said to me "Maybe that will teach him a lesson" (he's seven by the way). That was a big kick for meShock.

I suspect as she has started on the sobriety path she will be back on it again. Fingers crossed, and all the best to you and your DCs for this year. I expect the optician will be able to sort out some new glasses quite fast!

angrywoman · 02/01/2012 18:03

.....and this thread just makes me ssoo relieved that I'm not with my ex now. He has just managed to convince someone else to have a baby with him! (Poor woman). He may have just been to rehab for 4 weeks and be having CBT once a week (both paid for by his MUM ffs). He may have dedicated himself to being teetotal as his solicitor was so keen to tell us in court before xmas. But you get sceptical after giving chance after chance after chance.... Good luck with all your fuck up fairies.

Snapespeare · 02/01/2012 19:37

i have a vaguely similar situation, that I have eventually managed by moving 500 miles away from my ex and his alcoholism and talking very honestly to the children about it - they are now 16, 13 & 12 and have as healthy a relationship as possible with alcohol - they know there may be a genetic predisposition, they know they have to approach alcohol carefully.

I'm sorry OP, I really am - but after years of trying to talk to my ex about his preference to alcohol over his children and facilitating his relationship with the DCs, that included them seeing their dad rolling drunk, I cut my losses, decided to protect them by severely limiting their contact and moving away.

Your ex needs to make a choice and i'm afraid you need to present that choice to her. booze or Dcs. that's it. they don't deserve to have a parent that drinks like that.

Snorbs · 04/01/2012 11:48

Squeegle, I too found that my ex's alcoholism led to me isolating myself. If I set a date for us going to see my mum, my ex would get utterly rat-faced the night before and trigger a massive argument so things would be tense and unhappy. If we went out together to meet friends she'd likely get trollied and I'd end the evening trying to keep a lid on her drunken outbursts and aggression while apologising to the people she'd offended. So I'd turn down a lot of invites.

At the time I had a job where there were a number of opportunities to socialise after work - many of them effectively mandatory for me to attend - and partners/spouses were almost always invited. After way too many instances of my ex's arseholery at such events, my boss took me to one side and asked me not to bring her along any more. That was most definitely not a fun conversation.

It took me a long long time to properly see the patterns in my ex's behaviour. I had been viewing each abusive evening (it wasn't every time) as a largely isolated incident that had been triggered (as she maintained) by something I'd said, or done, or not said, or not done, or looked at in a funny way etc. I knew it was linked to her drinking but I saw the booze as just heightening her reaction to something I'd done "wrong".

But after a particularly bad few months (she'd been drinking so much so often she pretty much went nuts) I saw it for what it truly was. She went through a cycle of:

Not drinking at all, to
Drinking a small amount, to
Drinking a lot every weekend, to
Drinking a lot every day, to
Permanently shit-faced, to
Something really bad happening and her drying out

Then the cycle starts again. The amount of time she spends at each level varies - can be days, can be weeks, can be months - but it always progresses until something so awful happens that spurs her to stop drinking and just take the alcohol withdrawal. As time has gone on the "something so awful" has got more severe. It used to be an absolutely awful blazing row. Now it's more likely that she finds herself in hospital. And her drinking has reached a level where she does usually need to dry out in hospital to stave off the risk of seizures.

But the cycle was always there. Once I realised that it made me look at it differently and helped me to realise that it doesn't matter what I said or did. If she was pissed and in a bad mood then she would blame me. I've seen her, on a number of occasions, deliberately trigger an argument just so she can say something cutting and then march off to the fridge to get a drink with a hearty "so fuck YOU!"

I could be anyone at that moment. I could be Ghandi or Ghengiz Khan, she'd pick an argument and stomp off to get herself a drink. It's not about me or what I had allegedly said or done. It's all about her justifying to herself her decision to drink and, if necessary, engineering a scenario where that choice seems acceptable. I'm not sure if that's a conscious thing or a habit or just the addiction messing with her mind. To be honest, it doesn't matter (to me, anyway). It's not something I can influence.

Before we finally split, my ex had a series of making promises that she'd stop drinking and then resuming in secret while basically daring me to say something about it. Every time we went round that particular merry-go-round of denial, it felt like she was pouring yet another bottleful of her favourite cheap wine and strong cider on the remaining few flames of my love for her. And in the end she extinguished the last flame.

I, too, read a lot about alcoholism. Most of it was a waste of time as I'm not an alcoholic. Saying that, this page talks about addictions in a way that really resonates with me as it matches exactly what was going on when I stopped smoking as well as chiming with my ex's tendency to pick arguments (There is some good stuff elsewhere on that site but most of it is an anti-AA diatribe.)

What I got a lot more benefit from was to learn about how other people's alcoholism can affect me. Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" is a powerful book and one I recommend to anyone in a relationship with an alcoholic. Al-Anon helped me more by realising that other people were going through the same crap as me than in anything else but, at the time, that was valuable. One-to-one counselling was much more productive for me and quite possibly saved my life.

OP posts:
Flotsamflo · 04/01/2012 12:42

Just read your last post - you sound like an amazing dad and well done to you for getting your dc's out of the situation. I used to attend Al-anon with my best friend who's H was an alcoholic - the harrowing stories that I heard from family members living/lived with alcoholics will remain with me always. It is such a sad situation - I am hoping that things improve for you and dc's.

angrywoman · 04/01/2012 17:48

Yes OP you sound like you have done / are doing really well. What I found was that, having no experience of addiction like this, it was all new ground to me. So research did help me to understand the situation better. I went to the local alcohol advisory service and it was such a relief to just be told 'its not your fault' and 'there's nothing you can do'. Thanks to court rulings his impact on our lives is minimal at the moment, aside from the children would sometimes like to see him but can't... (down to failure/s to bother turning up for previous contact).
At the moment I am trying to forget I suppose that he is always going to be there in the background, pissing around with the children's (and my) emotions and well-being. HE had the audacity to suggest I went to Al-anon group at the court last year but I heard all I needed to from the service I mentioned above. Why should I waste any more of my precious life/time dwelling on him and his pathetic existance? I am even thinking of relocating because the impact so far has been so soul destroyingly awful at times. People say 'you're so strong' to me... but what f'ing choice did I have? It's been like a war and I can't believe it'll ever really be over.

QueenofWhatever · 04/01/2012 18:24

My sister and me grew up with an alcoholic Mum. My Dad was virtually out of the picture and we had to hide from everyone that she was drinking a bottle of vodka a day. I think kids benefit from being as far away as possible from the alcoholic parent. As a child, it's horrible and I don't think you benefit from seeing your Mum or Dad with the DTs or another alcohol-related injury. It's a form of abuse in my view and as with DV, I don't think there's a whole lot of benefit to forcing that relationship.

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