Is it worth trying to date?

8 replies

FiremanPenny · 30/12/2011 19:36

I am a lone parent to a 4yo & the father has not contact (his choice) I've been single for over 3 years. I am not sure it is worth me trying to date as I work, I have my child and that is about it time wise. I can get a baby sitter OK but not regularly and tbh I am in bed before 10pm most nights as knackered from life.

I am happy and have a full busy life but I work alone and don't have any opportunity to meet men. Dating sites just seem to harsh and soulless, and after being single for this long I am fussy! I have high expectation and not willing to settle.

So do I just accept that I will be single for the next 10 years+ or do I try and join a dating site?

OP posts:

Hogmanayhoneyblossom · 30/12/2011 19:43

I met my DP when I was a single mum( no contact kind) working ft with a 3yo. I met him on a night out with friends. Wasn't looking for anything at the time but I suppose that's how life happens.

Don't feel pressured to become a couple if you are happy as you are though. It doesn't take long looking at the relationship threads on here to see how bad for you they can be.

Purpleroses · 30/12/2011 20:06

I think you can date if you want to - I have two DCs and was dating for several years before I met my current DP (via a dating site! - they may seem soulless but the people on them are as varied as any other group you'll meet)

But doesn't sound like you're really sure you want to. It does take a lot of effort to get out and meet people, and then once you have, to actually form a new relationship - getting a babysitter, juggling the energy needed with what you need for the rest of your life, etc. If you're happy as you are, then there's no need to change things.

Nothing wrong with having high expectations - I think as lone parents we all have very clear ideas of what we don't want! But you do also need to be pretty open I think to the possibility of finding things you like in someone that might not be exactly like an image you have of what your ideal partner should be like.

thepeoplesprincess · 30/12/2011 20:36

IME if you don't have a regular babysitter then it's very, very hard to date in a responsible and/or enjoyable way as you're left with either the kids meeting the new bloke on the 2nd or 3rd date, or seeing the bloke once a month. Neither are great options tbh.

atlantiszone · 30/12/2011 22:57

It sounds to me like you're not in the right place for dating OP. I am a LP, ExP has never had contact with DD either and I didn't meet my current DH until she was seven, so I know what it's like to feel just too busy for dating. In many ways I think that was good for DD, because I was very focused on her needs for those years (although I did do some dating when she was younger, but more casually and it didn't have an impact on her).

I think you're right to maintain high standards, I refused to settle as well. I actually had people telling me that I should just be happy with any man who seemed OK and interested in me, and I shouldn't mind so much if I didn't find him physically attractive or if he didn't have a good job!

It all smacks of the idea that a LP is soiled goods and a man would only have a relationship with one if he couldn't attract someone without baggage. Fortunately, I've known quite a few eligible, attractive, solvent men (some I dated, some had relationships with LP friends of mine) who haven't been bothered by it so I can assure you it's not true.

I have tried internet dating and I think it can work (has done for friends of mine though I met DH through my studies), but it can get quite intense and demanding as it's easy to lose someone's interest when there are plenty of other profiles to choose from.

AmIthatbad · 31/12/2011 00:24

In response to your OP, I wish it was worth it.

if you have the babysitting ops and are not a dried up old crone spinster like me , then go for it

queenofthedancefloor · 31/12/2011 01:12

maybe it worth a go but i have similar circumstances to you and its hard and the way i feel at the moment with what i going through because of dating it not worth the hassle. Could work out for you though on a positive note...nothing to lose..x

eternalscot · 08/01/2012 18:58

Im in the same circumstances and been five years single had my first date recently and i realise im not missing much. May be the right guy would help, but i spent my twenties dating a load of unsuitable types, yes good jobs and ok looking but terrible personalities and the guy who I had a dated seemed to not want anything serious (like Im going carry on then), Im not going to start wasting my time pleasing a man in bed for nothing in return. Definatley would me more worthwhile reading a story to my son.

LyndeeLouTattoo · 13/01/2012 15:36

Hey,

Just reading this and thought I'd add my voice to the string- my daughter is almost five now so just at the stage of having more space for myself as her independence is increasing. I understand how hard it is, especially with a toddler!

I get well-meaning advice from various people, especially my own mother who is horrified that I have remained single all this time and adds pressure on me. I have tried internet dating and not yet found it so helpful- men tend to run away once they find out that I have a kid/don't work full-time/am not flush with money or they have thought I was only really useful for 'a roll in the hay' which is so demeaning

Still, I am quite honestly happy with my 'micro-family' so if/when I meet a gentleman, it will only really be an added bonus :)

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