28 weeks pregnant and feeling at rock bottom :(

[bloodyfedup]

I am a regular but have name changed - I am just so fed up at the minute and cant stop crying. Apologies if below makes more sense, my head is pretty firmly up my arse at the minute.

My ex partner left before I realised I was pregnant, in horrible circumstances (he moved his things out when I was at work, a total shock as we hadn't been fighting) I then found out about several affairs and that he was using prostitutes regularly. Since then, he has had me arrested for harrassment "to scare me" and is now living with one of the afore mentioned OW (who is 12 years younger than him) Despite all of this, I miss him and wish we were still together back in the time when I didn't know any of this and was blissfully happy.

Ok, so heres the other part - please don't judge - a week after he left my friend flew over to make sure I was ok and after a drunken night we ended up sleeping together. Therefore this baby could be either of theres.

My ex knows I am pregnant and blatently wants nothing to do with me - my friend says until he knows if the baby is his he cant get involved as he would get hurt otherwise - which I totally understand. But god I feel so alone.

Im thrilled to be having a baby as after a cancer scare I wasn't sure it was possible, but I am struggling so much with everything. I dont have anyone to share the joy of him wriggling, of the worry after I had a bleed, the nightmare of choosing nursery furniture / names / clothes etc. I feel so alone, and overwhelmed, and like Im just generally cocking everything up.

I was at the doctors pretty regularly and was referred to a counsellor, who said I was coping remarkably well and discharged me, but I just feel like I am sinking, and I don't know what to do. I sobbed, to the point of making myself sick yesterday, as I couldn't carry a flat pack box from the bottom of the stairs to the top as it was too heavy - I literally have no one I can ask, so what can I do?

Apologies for this being so long, also, not sure lone parents is right section, but probably better than pregnancy. Ahh who knows!

Big hugs to you. If its any consolation I went through my entire pg alone living off others sofas. It does get better and while you're alone now, you won't be as soon as your gorgeous bundle arrives. Have you any friends or family for support near you that you can talk too?

My mum lives about half an hour away and is a total godsend, but I have cut myself off from my friends I suspect. I used to be very social, and my job involved a lot of travel, but I really couldn't do it once I was pregnant and my social life has all but disappeared since then.

Im sorry you were sofa surfing, I have just moved into a new rented home so I can make it mine rather than mine and the exs. And I cant wait for the baby finally to be here, but having no one to share him growing and achieving milestones seems so sad. I suspect being hormonal isn't helping me at the minute!

I was planning on childminding when he arrived too (I used to be a nanny) but as my ex had me arrested I am worried I won't be able to as I was cautioned. I have been advised I can challenge the caution I recieved but it feels like such a massive up hill battle.

I think Im just wondering how the hell my life ended up like this? I was so happy, we were settled and looking forward to the future, and now Im pregnant wondering who the father is and alone. I just didn't see it coming and I don't know how to cope with the changes in my expectations iyswim?

sorry to hear about your situation - I know what its like to go through a pregnancy on your own :(
But its better that you have found out what your partner was really like - having affairs etc. As it would be much harder to deal with if your child had grown up being around his daddy and then you found out about your partners affairs and possibly split up. Do you have anyone in RL that can help you with the pratical stuff? Will your friend be able to offer you any support after the baby is born - if it's his baby?

Yeah I hear on everything. I went from top if the game to pregnant, dumped jobless and homeless. I can assure you even though you don't think it, it WILL get better. You will rebuild your life. You don't need him to be there for the movements I know it seems so unfair when there's others out there with their Dp who are there for everything even hospital visits. But you CAN do this. This is the time you pick yourself up and make plans. You can still do child minding. You can do anything. Chin up and start planning. Hope your pregnancy goes well x

Have to run soon but just wanted to offer sympathies, I did pg on my own and it's hard. Friends did go by the wayside as I was a previous party animal and could no longer go out with them late. As for getting jobs done, I hired a handy man for 40 quid for one hour and got him to do everything. It felt good, I could cope on my own.

Once your baby is here you won't feel so up and down all the time, it gets better

Sounds tough. But sounds like you really need to make or resume some of your contacts in RL - have you cut yourself off to some extent because you're embarrassed about not knowing who the father is? If so, could you just not tell them who it is - imply that you don't want to talk about it, tell them it's just you now, and let them assume what they like? Presumbably once the baby's born and gets tested then you can tell them more. Or is it just difficult now that you're pregnant if your friends don't have kids yet? 28 weeks is a good stage to start going to antenatal classes, or something - I went to pregnancy swimming classes and met some new friends at that stage.

If it's any consolation - I was too fearful of going through pregnancy on my own that I stuck out a miserable relationship (ending it when DD was 3 months old), and that's no fun either.

But you won't be on your own forever - you may find a new partner, and anyway you can share your DC's life with other friends and family. All much easier once it's a child rather than a bump.

Would check out the rules re childminding and your caution - the police or CAB, or social services should be able to advise you on this - but as far as I'm aware, unless the caution was related to offences against children (and presume it wasn't if it was about you hassling your ex) you should be OK. There's probably a time limit on appealing it though, so you might be best to check it out sooner rather than later, in case I'm wrong here.

i have a similar story OP and I am now smiling at a very giggly young baby who was worth the heartbreak and the wait.

my family have been my rocks and some friends have surprised me with their support.

i planned everything I could, but also lived by the motto of "one day at a time".

I still try and do this now. sometimes it's like swiming in treacle and other days just disappear.

being a parent is a wonderful gift i never thought I'd get, so best of luck.

Hi OP, like everyone above, I went through my pregnancy alone and yep, it's hard sometimes isn't it?

On the plus side, you're not going to be cheated on any more, you have the whole bed to yourself which is glorious in the last month, you get to choose all the baby's names, the colour of the nursery, how your bring your baby up and a million other things! (More than a few of my coupled up friends have quietly mentioned that they are a bit envious that I get my daughter all to myself)

Gingerbread have local friendship groups you can get support from (if there isn't one, it's easy to set one up). I would recommend looking around for bumps and babies groups from the NCT if there's one nearby.

Soon you're going to have this amazing person in your life and you will have done it all, by yourself and you can be immensely proud of yourself. xx

PS, course we won't judge you and few people will, you'll probably be your harshest critic so don't worry.

loobyloo is spot on about having your baby all to yourself. I too have friends with partners and they do talk about how difficult it is to factor in their partners' needs alongside of their baby's. This ranges from co-sleeping which can be tricky with a partner in bed too, to bf in the middle of the night, the pressure for the baby to go into its own room, being considerate of other people's sleeping (!), choosing anything, and just getting on with it.

it is hard when you have no one to share the tricky bits with, but i'm very proud of myself for keeping up with everything, and just being a parent. I never thought i was this strong, but it's bloody empowering.

God I just want to give u a hug!
I was on my own when I was pregnant, split with ex just before I found out I was pregnant, then gave things another go n then finally over when I was 5 months pregnant.

I really think u need to go back to GP and push for more counselling, tell them exactly how bad u r feeling, unfortunately there is a shortage of counsellors on the nhs but if u find a good one they won't just discharge you without you saying that you're happy to do so. I've had counselling a few times and found it differs greatly depending who u see.

If you feel that u need support u could contact Homestart, it's a volunteer organisation where someone will befriend you and can help you with practical and emotional stuff too. I understand if u think 'oh I don't need that' but it's good to know that people are there to help if u chose and please never be afraid to ask people for help, that's something I regret, I used to want to prove that I'm a super mum and can do it all by myself. It's hard and people understand that.

When baby comes along you will love it to pieces and it will be all yours, you will have such a special bond because it's just the 2 of you, and that bond will last forever.

Much love xxx

Ps if u ever want to chat about anything please feel free to inbox me x

Just wondered how you are today xx

Being on my own in pregnancy was the hardest thing ever for me! I spent most of it in tears, not much is said about pregnancy alone, I felt ashamed to be on my own. Get easier. Good luck and put yourself first! I wish I could of not wasted time getting upset about my DS father.

oh poor you OP. I'm almost in the same boat - 22 weeks pg though and with older children. I spend most of my time crying too. I'm sure pregnancy hormones make this alot more emotional that it needs to be/would be otherwise! at least I hope so, because I never used to be so weepy.

I keep thinking that I'm at rock bottom and it will get better. It has to one day i think. Sorry I can't be more help.