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Lone parents

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Original poster

Do you ever find it odd that some people seem to think YOUR life is odd, or IS my life odd?!

26 replies

thefroggy · 29/12/2011 00:47

Bumped into an old friend today, we hung about together as kids, had a bit of a teenage romance that sort of thing. We've been fb friends since he requested me a couple of years ago (lots of mutual friends).

He asked how I was etc etc and we did the polite chit chat. He asked how many kids i'd got etc, where I was living...which I found strange as it's there on fb (not my address obviously, just general area). I laughed and said it was on fb, he said he rarely went on but he'd noticed I spent too much time on there (how? I rarely update my status). He asked if I was married, I told him I wasn't, he asked if I was engaged, I told him no. He looked surprised and asked "why?" I shrugged laughing and just said I never go out anywhere to meet anyone. The questioning went on for a while and it made for an uncomfortable exchange on my part.

Beginning to think there's something wrong with me. My life isn't very exciting granted. I've been out of work for a while due to redundancy, I dont have a social life as i'm the only single one of my friends and they just dont really go out anymore. So yes, I spend time on the internet. It's not ideal but it's the way things are at the moment so I try to be ok with it..I just think its a bit rude to be questioned about why things are they way they are, it felt very intrusive!

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 29/12/2011 00:51

I think people who aren't SP have no concept of what the responsibility actually entails.

Personally, I don't choose to be celibate- in fact I'd love to be out all night shagging anything that moves;. But I have school uniforms to wash, baths to do, lunchboxes to pack Zzzzzzzz

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 29/12/2011 00:56

Same here. I am an LP, work in a very small office, and only know one straight single man, who is an old friend.
Other people are often surprised that I don't have a husband, or think I'm joking when I say I don't go out.
It makes me feel like a freak.

Original poster
thefroggy · 29/12/2011 01:06

Yeah, you hit the nail on the head there Lesserof. I've had a similar type of conversation with a few people i've bumped into over the last couple of years and I can almost see the cogs turning, they're wondering what must be wrong with me that i've got no partner or social life.

It's all very simple, I never get the opportunity to make new friends really and the ones I have are all busy doing family stuff. I dont want to have to explain that to people though either, it's a bit of a conversation killer to say the least!

I'm sure folk think I have two heads or something Grin

OP posts:
kickassangel · 29/12/2011 01:22

I'm married and don't go out much.

I have a job. I have a child. I have a house. They take up my time & energy. Going out when you're tired & have to get up early the next morning just isn't fun. Doesn't mean I can't get on with people, just that a lot of the time my days are full, so I like to wind down in the evening.

fortyplus · 29/12/2011 01:43

I'm 50. Ten years ago I was SAHM and didn't go out much.

Now my kids are teenagers, I'm out 2 or 3 evenings per week and often away at the weekend. I'm in a GB over 40 sports squad.

There's hope for you ladies! Xmas Grin

MissPricklePants · 29/12/2011 01:47

argh I get this too its so frustrating!generally people think I am joking when I say I dont have a social life/no1 to babysit etc and tbh I think that unless the person you speak to is a LP then they have no idea how isolating it can be!

Thumbinnapuddingwitch · 29/12/2011 01:50

You are not weird. People who can't open their minds to lifestyles other than their own are the weird ones.

Your life sounds quite normal for the situation you are in - not everyone spends every waking moment trying to hook up with a partner! I know I didn't, when I was single - and I didn't even have children as a reason to not be going out every weekend. I Just Didn't Want To.

Original poster
thefroggy · 29/12/2011 02:46

I was a party animal when I was younger and I think that because i'm single people still expect me to be. But i'm done with clubs and bars, being pushed around, barged past and feeling uncomfortable all night. I'd be happy to go to a little pub with a friend or for a meal now and again...it doesn't happen, but I would enjoy it.

When I was younger i'd get very upset if I didn't go out on a weekend but it really doesn't bother me now. I like my home comforts, I like my own company, there's no burning desire for a huge night out.

OP posts:
AMAZINWOMAN · 29/12/2011 07:33

Congratulations forty plus Xmas Smile

How did you manage to completely turnaround your life? To get from being a SAHM to rarely being home?

molepomandmistletoe · 29/12/2011 10:07

The froggy, to be honest, you life sounds like normal for an LP. Well, to me anyway as I'm in the same boat.

Besom · 29/12/2011 10:15

How rude of him! I've a feeling from what you say that this exchange may have been more about him than about you. He was trying to big himself up in some way by attempting to belittle you.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

toptramp · 29/12/2011 10:35

I still like to go out and I do occasionally. I am a party animal! It's when people know I'm single that they keep trying to pair me up. I am going to look again in the new year!

SuePurblybilt · 29/12/2011 10:48

I rarely go out in the evenings - I am poor, I have no childcare, I live in the sticks. I don't consider drinking/clubbing fun anymore so I tend to go to the cinema/theatre with friends instead. Plus, the evenings are when I work/study. Or I do in theory, in reality I chat with people about poo on MN.

Anyway, your man sounds rude, socially inept and a bit of a knob. HTH.

angrywoman · 29/12/2011 11:19

I had the chance of a social life when my ex still had the 3 dcs at weekends. It was great! I joined evening classes and a spanish language meet-up... Met a couple of people through these that became good friends. One of these introduced me to my present partner. Social life doesn't take a lot to get going really you just have to approach it with enthusiasm!
I have been lazier since these pals moved elsewhere and me and my partner are happy to stay in together.
You just do what makes you happy or rather what you can socially as a SP.
It's obviously worth making an effort as it can be hugely rewarding to meet new people even if you also like your own company.
Fortyplus has reminded me that its not soo incredibly far in the future that I will have the chance to socialise more again.
This guy though... People often behave oddly whan they bump into someone they haven't seen for years (and possibly still held a candle for??!!). Maybe he bombarded you with q's to avoid the reverse! And to notice others on fb you have to be on it yourself?!

TheOriginalNutcracker · 29/12/2011 11:23

I think it is hilarious when people ask 'why' I am single. How the bloody hell should I know.

Then when they find out i have been single for 6yrs you can almost hear their brain working trying to think wtf must be wrong with me that they don't know about.

Some people just don't get it.

fortyplus · 29/12/2011 12:49

AMAZINWOMAN - well first I took a part time job when ds1 went to secondary school and ds2 was in yr6. 17 hrs a week at first to fit in with school but gradually increasing to 30 hrs (they're 16 & 18 now).

Realistically most teens are happy to be left at home from 13/14 if they can contact you in an emergency. I was also lucky to have retired parents nearby who loved to have my boys after school 2 or 3 times per week.

Then a few years ago ds1 gave up rugby and took up a new sport. I gave it a go too. We're sometimes away together at weekends.

I'm 5' 9" and muscular build and someone at the same club as us tried to encourage me to try out for the senior (i.e. over 40) mixed GB squad as they were having trouble attracting enough women. It seemed totally ridiculous to me but to my amazement I made the squad and competed at the world champs this year (no medals but great experience!)

MissMogwi · 29/12/2011 12:58

He sounds like a pompous arse. He's noticed you are on there a lot, but he doesn't go much. Bollocks my friend. Grin

I have been asked "have I met Mr Right yet"'many times. Just the phrase Mr Right makes me stabby. The speaker often follows it with a patronising head tilt. Angry

I haven't met him, but that's because I rarely go out, I've got two kids, I'm studying and frankly because I'm not right arsed. My life is a bit boring and I'm a bit poor, but it's stable and comfortable and more importantly the DC and I are happy.

JingleBallsAndMistletoe · 29/12/2011 13:04

Can i join in too I have no life either!

Agree that no one has a clue what its like to be a lp unless they've been there, and even then one lp's life can be completely different to another lp. If you really are on your own with no help from ex p or family then goodbye social life, trips to hairdressers, gym...its a long old list but i wont bang on!!

froggies · 29/12/2011 13:55

I think I must be one of the lucky ones! I have more of a life now than I did when I was with ExP! Don't feel bad about doing overnights with pals, kids in tow anymore; don't feel bad about popping in for a brew, or doing the village social events, usually with kids unless the little ones are with him. The only restrictions are time and money. 3 DC's, work part time from home and college part time too.
Don't have a partner, frankly I am so relieved at being able to make my own decisions and arrangements without having to pander to his ego, the last thing I want to do is tie myself down again. Totally don't have the time anyway! But......a shag would be nice!

teahouse · 29/12/2011 14:09

I am another LP with no social life. I lost all my mates when my ExH and I split, had no money for a sitter and was in FT education getting some qualifications.

I have been an LP for over 10 years, my eldest is at Uni and my other at Sixth Form, but although I probably could afford a bit of a social life now, I have lost my confidence. I am now 45, and haven't had a proper relationship for over 6 years; a couple of short term things but calling them a relationship would be pushing it.

I tried a meeting people club but I was the only LP there. I tried a salsa club but it was horrid and I was cr*p anyway...most people were in couples of small groups and they weren't keen on a newbie. I do keep trying to get a life, but it is very hard - I'm now so used to my own company that I think I'm pretty unsociable :(

AmIthatbad · 29/12/2011 18:13

Agree that it is hard. I work f/t, and although I have a 12 yoDD, she has ASD/LD and it is nigh on impossible to find a babysitter.

I do go out once a week, to a team thing, but I am always last to arrive and first to leave, to get back to let my Dad home, as he babysits. So I don't do any additional socialising, or stay behind for a drink. My Dad is practically in his car before I get the chance to get in the door Xmas Grin

And I had two Christmas nights out that I couldn't go to, as I couldn't find a babysitter.

Sometimes poster say that LPs are "lucky" as they get a few nights off and every second weekend to themselves when DC are at their Dads. . chance would be a fine thing.

Sometimes I do wonder what the hell is wrong with me that I am still on my own (and yes, I know about the positives, etc, etc, but I long for some closeness) but it is clear that I will never meet anyone because I never get the bloody chance to go out and meet anyone. Except for work, where no-one ever fanices me anyway!!!!

Original poster
thefroggy · 29/12/2011 19:50

"Anyway, your man sounds rude, socially inept and a bit of a knob. HTH." Grin love it!

OP posts:
molepomandmistletoe · 29/12/2011 19:59

"Sometimes poster say that LPs are "lucky" as they get a few nights off and every second weekend to themselves when DC are at their Dads. "

Hahahahahahahaha, Bwaahahahahahaahahahaha, hahahahahahahha

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAAHAHA.

AmIthatbad · 29/12/2011 20:42

molepomandmistletoe much more laughter than my mirthless one Xmas Grin.

And that is a comment I have read several times on a few different threads.

Us LPs really have it easy, doncha know Wink

happyatlast · 29/12/2011 20:50

haha you sound just like me!!

I'm a single parent of 3, all my mates are partnered up so dont want to go out anymore and I constantly get on fb too "why are you single, you're a good looking woman, you should be married now, blah blah blah".......and I think well not really, when I've got 3 kids to take care and none of my mates want to go out anymore, I think its perfectly understandable why I am in fact single!!

Dur to them is what I say!!