Is it normal to feel this bad?

[froggies]

When exp wants to see DD's for an extra day over the holidays?

We have a standing arrangement that contact is 4.30pm tues - 8.00am wed and 6.30pm sat- 6.30pm sun since we split up, last January. Several times he has asked to see them extra during school holidays, which i have never denied, but up until now he has never followed through.

Although DD's live predominantly with me, I really look forward to getting a chance to spend quality time with them during the holidays as so much time is spent with them either at school or during the standard routine after school stuff, and every sat morning is taken up with their out of school clubs. He has them every Sunday, so school holidays are the only time I get to do day out stuff, like visiting friends, going to the beach etc.

Because of the way Christmas has fallen this year, he had them Christmas eve and Christmas day, and will have them new years eve and new years day as well.

He has them tonight, and wants to take them out for the day on Thursday. I know he has every right to spend time with them, and they with him, and I wouldn't dream of saying no, but is it normal to feel this unbelievably sad about it? It is only 1 day, just it is one of the few and far between that actually get to spend all day doing fun stuff with them, and he gets to do that for the whole day every Sunday.

I know I am being silly, and the girls will love spending extra time with him, and I am being really selfish wishing he wouldn't ask for extra because it takes away my time with them :( does it ever get any easier?

Hi OP, yes it definitely gets easier. Give it time and make the most of the time you have for yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

I don't know, Froggies, dickhead only left in Sept. But I think you could argue that Christmas/birthdays etc are special occasions and shouldn't just get lumped in with the usual arrangements. Perhaps you could share it, alternate years or alternate having them for Christmas Eve night until midday Christmas day, so lunch with the other parent? TBH, as dickhead left us, I gave him no choice about Christmas this year, told him they would be staying at home with me, and he had them for Boxing day and today. He's welcome to have New Year's Eve, not really for children, anyway.

Though, if you keep the current arrangements, you'll have all the next 5 Christmases.

Dickhead wants them for half the school holidays but I think I'll be arguing for 1/3 for him and 2/3rds for me as I work in a school (to fit around the DC.)

I take it you weren't married? Are all arrangements informally agreed between you both? I've got a solicitor involved, but I am getting divorced (due to his affair.)

Maybe you need to start alternating Saturdays & Sundays so you each get that bit of quality time with them?

The Christmas arrangements stayed as normal because he told the girls they were going to him, before discussing it with me. After much debate (but not with him) I suggested alternate years, starting with him as it happened to fall on his usual contact. Figured it would end up being the least disruptive for the girls.

If you speak to him, we split up because it wasn't working anymore. From my point of view, we split up because the stress of his emotional and verbal abuse of DS and myself was making me physically ill (i colapsed due to low cardiac output which was attributed to stress, I happened to be in A&E for a completely different reason at the time which was quite lucky as it could have ended in a full blown heart attack)

Since we split up he has alleged abuse from my DS towards DD's, with full police and social work intervention. Police decided that there was no basis to proceed with anything against DS, but have now sent a report about ExP's behaviour towards DS to procurator fiscal, I am waiting to hear if he will be charged. I hope not, because he lives next door to me and the fall out on DS and myself could be worse than than if he were left alone.

Although I have never seen him behave towards DD's as he did towards DS, they are much younger. But DS is no longer there to take the full brunt of it. I do worry when they are with him that they will do/say something that will set him off. The sensible partof me knows this is unlikely while they are still small and he can explain any rudeness or non-compliance with instructions as them just being little (as he did when DS was small) but as they get older I worry that he will be less accommodating and that they will end up with the same treatment DS had once he reached puberty.

We are not married, and there are no solicitors involved. Though this may change next year because he still hasn't sorted out his half of the financial stuff.