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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

ExH got my Form E on Dec 23rd and ruined DDs xmas

9 replies

piellabakewell · 26/12/2011 13:57

I haven't seen his yet, mine reached my solicitor on 22nd and 23rd was the date for exchange. DD1 (14) told me he got mine in the post on Friday. DDs were with him from Thursday lunchtime til xmas day lunchtime. Friday pm DD2 (12) phoned me in tears to say daddy told them he has to sell his house (our former marital home, worth double the house we are living in and twice the size) because I have asked him for more money to buy a bigger house. He gave me £200k but refused to move out or sell the marital home, so I felt I had no choice but to move with the DDs, take on a huge mortgage (we're in London) and leave the court to sort out the rest.

The court hearing is not until the end of January and we don't even know what the outcome will be, let alone what arrangements/decisions he might have to take. I am furious that the DDs have spent the last few days crying and worrying about something that might not even happen. What on earth was he thinking of?

OP posts:

froggies · 26/12/2011 14:01

Himself. Certainly not the DD's.
I hope you manage to reassure them, and that things are settled quickly. And that you and DD's have a lovely rest of the holiday.

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2011 14:04

why is he telling the children and involving them in the divorce process? he needs to shut his mouth to the children and vent to anyone else that will listen instead.

Thing is they will remember the year dad ruined christmas

Original poster

piellabakewell · 26/12/2011 14:09

ivykaty, they didn't even know that we weren't divorced yet until he sat them down and told them he had something important to discuss with them. I have not told them anything and have been very careful not to leave legal stuff lying about or even made/taken phone calls from my solicitor around them. It's not their business and they don't need to be involved.

He has even told DD2, who is about to take her grade 1 drums, that she will have to stop playing the drums soon because he won't have room for the drum kit in the flat he will have to buy .

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2011 15:14

tell the dc he is being a drama queen and if he wants to "chat2 with them agian to tell him

"chat" with your solicitor not us or chat to mummy's solicitor as that's what mummy does rather than upset us with all this stuff.

That way they have something to say to him, you are not hurting the dc by giving them something to say to stop him doing this putting the chidlren in the middles thing - which is horrid. Arm the dc with ammunition for damage limitation.

if you ask him to stop it will just end in a row

Deargdoom · 26/12/2011 15:19

Difficult to keep older children in the dark about things but he should never have put it like that. All he has done is place a burden on a child's shoulders. In fact, there was no excuse for raising it at all. Pretty selfish and thoughtless.

Youllbewaiting · 26/12/2011 15:34

If he does have to sell the house they're going to find out sooner or later.

Couldn't the letter have been sent to arrive after Christmas?

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2011 16:13

no e forms are supposed to arrive at the same time

Original poster

piellabakewell · 26/12/2011 16:20

I never thought he would get it before Christmas, I thought it went to his solicitor not him personally.

Youllbewaiting...yes, they will find out sooner or later if it becomes necessary to sell the house, but so far, and for another five weeks, no-one knows if it will be necessary.

I had a long talk with DD1 about it today and she understands that her dad has been a bit premature with this info and she is also old enough to appreciate that when parents split up, the mother and children do not normally have to move while the father stays in his enormous house.

OP posts:

FalsaMagra · 29/12/2011 00:37

My ex and new partner did this all the time, showing Ds then 6, paperwork from the divorce, blaming me for whatever reason, saying that poor rich dad was in trouble because mum wanted more money, etc etc. And sending DS back to me after making him repeat messages he was supposed to deliver to me as they didn't want to waste money in solicitors.

It was awful, it is wrong, selfish and very damaging for the children, BUT you may help the situation a little bit. Instruct your solicitor on when the letters should/should not be forwarded. Ensuring letters didn't arrive to ExH's house while DS was visiting helped to limit the damage... a bit. I asked for this after in one of his rages he binned all the toys I have given to DS in front of DS. DS claimed his favourite toy was pulled out of the rubbish bin later because he couldn't stop crying.

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