Insensitive thoughtless immature ex.

[GreenMonkies]

‎"Mummy, there are hundreds of presents under Daddy's tree for {current Fiancé}, why don't we have that many under ours?"

Unreal. Seriously. What a stupid, impulsive, selfish git. We have bought presents for the kids from both of us together, not separate ones from Mummy and Daddy, and we gave ourselves a budget and discussed what to get them. We have got them 4 decent sized gifts each (plus the contents of their stockings on their bed) but the girls were at his on Thursday, and apparently there is a huge pile of presents for his current infatuation under his tree.

I'm speechless. Could he not have waited until they'd gone before putting this explosion of excess out for all to see? He's always been like this, he expresses his feelings with money. The bigger/more expensive the gift the more it means to him. If he doesn't get a huge pile of fabulous gifts at Christmas or his Birthday he goes off into a massive sulk. Mega childish I know, but he's always been like this, he used to over-whelm me with gifts, and I was forever saying to stop buying so much. Obviously as he's massively loved up right now he's gone off on the deep-end and bought loads of presents for his new Fiancé, and in his excitement he's stacked them up under his tree, not once thinking that the kids would see this and then look at their presents and wonder why he's got so much for her, and so "little" (in comparison) for them.

I gave a politicians answer and, after pointing out that love is not gauged by how much you spend on someone, changed the subject, but in all honesty I want to rip his head off for being so insensitive and thoughtless, and making our girls feel second best.

Bastard.

:-( that is crap. My ex has the same 'throw money at it' attitude, so totally know where you are coming form.
Eventually DC's will realise, my DS has, but it doesn't stop the hurt in the meantime.
Still you can do loads of wonderful together things over Christmas so they know it isn't about what you get, but the people you love.

I'm sorry, but his choice of present quantity has nothing to do with you, and if he is in a better financial position that allows him to do that, it's his right.

I understand your feelings, though. My ex, the main/only earner in our defunct marriage, has moved on: Got a new huge house, have a fantastic new car and my "replacement" is now having the life of Riley I used to have. All of this while DS and I are barely keeping our heads above the water.

Do I resent it? no, he was the main earner, it is natural that this would happen. I knew my life was not going to be easy that's why it took so much to take the decision to leave him.

What I resent though is that under the tree, at this time, there is no single present for DS from his dad, as Dad is not even bothered to see his child anymore .

Count your blessings, it can get worse, far worse than what what you have at this time.

falsa it is your DS's dad's right not to give a shite about his son. Or you. Get on with it.

Falsa, he's not really better off than us, he hasn't done this because he's got more money than me, we have bought the kids presents between us, talked through what to get them, sorted it financially etc. I work (part time, but it is a living) and get tax credits and maintenance etc, this isn't about money, it's about the fact that he's been so incredibly insensitive and thoughtless and in doing so has made my eldest (8) feel as if he loves his fiancé more than he loves her. Most of the stuff he's bought her will have been on his credit card, he'll almost certainly run out of spends before he gets paid again (I insisted the CSA took his maintenance direct from his employer because he's do shit with money that I can't trust him not to short pay me otherwise) and I'm not jealous of the lavish pile of gifts he's got his current infatuation. I had that from him for 12 years, and always felt uncomfortable and overwhelmed when I saw how much he'd spent on me and them frustrated when we could barely afford to eat come mid January. You have completely got the wrong end of the stick.

And if you are struggling whilst your ex is living the good life, get onto the CSA, he has got to support your son, so make it happen.

Unlikely, Yes, it's his right. He doesn't give a shit. Do you feel better? It's ok with me if that makes you feel better.

Green Monkies, my ex is exactly like yours, well no, mine is worse, but what I meant is, children will get used to the ways of each parent: when DS had contact with his dad he knew that at his dad's everything was about holidays, restaurants, and expensive things but he also knew that dad was not always feeding him during contact and that he was very cruel to him. DS knows that we are counting the pennies here, but he knows that he is loved and cared for here as well, so one thing makes up for the other. They get used to everything...unfortunately. :-(

And no, I'm not getting the CSA involved, if he managed to convince the court that his 6 figure salary is the same as that of a person that just graduated from university, I doubt the CSA can do anything about it, the heartache is not worth the extra I could get.

Falsa, the CSA looks at wage slips, P60's, and they make him give you a percentage. There's no fighting, bitching, arguing, you can do it without ever even talking to him. It's worth it, don't let him fuck you over.

Fucking useless selfish men.