Been seperated from my DS Dad for over 9 years. DS is nearly 14.
My ex has contact every other weekend supposedly Fri 6pm to Sun 6pm. The reality is that sometimes he skips a weekend, arrives hours or days late as he says he has work commitments but he never wants to make up that weekend or will even call him during the week. I have always offered him more contact and never made it difficult for him. We get on well enough and he will come in for a cup of tea and a chat, there is no animosity. I like his girlfriend as does DS.
Every single fortnight I have to text him to ask what is happening about him seeing DS at the weekend. I normally leave this until the Thursday as he often says he will have DS if I text him earlier in the week and then remembers to let me know on Fri afternoon that he can't have DS after all.
He has recently had a few jobs where he has worked away for a month at a time. Again, no contact at all while he's been away and then too "tired" to see DS when he gets back, meaning no contact at all for 6 weeks.
DS knows he can phone him if he wants to but never seems bothered, but sometimes sends messages on facebook and always says things like "can't wait to see you" and asks after his girlfriend etc.
DS undoubtedly loves his Dad but he is also quite aware of the sort of father he his. He, for example, thought it was funny when his teacher contacted his Dad (when she couldn't get through to me) because DS said to me "it's not like my Dad does any of the parenting".
I do understand ex has erratic work schedule but I also know that he has days off in school holidays when he could see DS and could certainly manage a phone call or an evening dinner with DS.
I am still waiting to hear what he wants to do over Christmas, he did agree to a particular schedule on my suggestion a few weeks ago but I'm waiting for him to confirm and he hasn't replied to my text sent 2 days ago. I'm not pushy or controlling but he just takes no initiative whatsover.
When ex lets DS down on "his" weekend, DS will be happy that he gets to stay with me but I also know that if he never saw his Dad, this would make him very sad and I don't want that.
Also, I now have 4 step children and they demand ALL my time when they are with us which is every weekend I have DS. I feel like I am grieving for lost time with DS as I miss us having weekends where I can actually have a nice time with DS. It's strange because I can get one to one time with each of the step children at weekends but never with DS. The step children just won't leave his or my side.
So, I'm very tempted to say that DS is old enough now for me not to be arranging contact for him every single time and if ex wants to see him he can arrange it through DS.
Thoughts please?