I Love my two dc's dearly but I am feeling sick to death of being a Mummy right now

[crossedwires]

Don't know why. Ds is being rude and hurtful (he is 5), dd is being lovely today but we have many many bickering matches (she's 14 next month). I was widowed last year and feel angry at dh for choosing alcohol over us and putting us through the horrendous shit that he did. I am not looking forward to Xmas at all and am really trying hard to fake it for the dc's. Feel really deeply pissed off and like saying 'fuck it' I need a break - I'm off for a week. But that would break my heart.

sounds like you could do with a good night out or a day off - is that possible? or at very least curl up with a trashy film, hot choc and put your feet up.

a friend of mine found support through a young widows group - she waited quite a while but was very glad she went along - is that appealing to you? at least you can let off some steam with people who might get what youve been through?

i am going out tonight but it is hard to gather any enthusiasm once you have made sure ds is asleep and everything else _ I'd love a day off - no chance though - no childcare willing to babysit for that long . I'm alright, they're both being lovely actually. Just sometimes get pissed off with being treated without respect. Thank you

Can you schedule in any short slots of child care which you use just for recharging your batteries? It's hard doing it all on your own.

I have just started my DS on a casual basis with a CM, she picks him up from school once a week for a couple of hours. I actually started this as I wanted him to get to know her as I'm hoping to go back to work, but that little slot of time to myself has been heavenly (and it costs £6). It's helped me to know aswell that there is someone local childcare wise I could ring in an emergency or whatever who DS knows and is comfortable with.

Hope you enjoyed your night last night when you eventually got out.

www.wayfoundation.org.uk/

might help?

also dd nearly old enough (is old enough?) to babysit ds for a few hours?

yes she does babysit occasionaly and ds loves it when she does but she is sooo busy - but I do feel much better today - thank you all. Just going out for a couple of hours last night restored my belief that I am a person not a mummy - all the time!

WWWWW - I woud feel so guilty though. they are both school age so I should be fine for free time. I think it is all the mundane stuff that really gets me down. And no one to share it with. Sounds great your CM idea.

Glad you had a nice time.

Don't feel bad! Mine is school age too and I only have one! (He is autistic though, still in nappies, not that fond of sleeping, etc).

The thing is we find it very hard to just take time for ourselves. I know when DS is at school and I'm not busy I'm thinking 'what needs doing in the house' or 'I really should do x,y, and z'. You need to carve out just a little bit of time for YOU, not the mum you. It's the relentless drudgery that gets me down, that all the responsibility is mine. You time is a definite sanity saver!

As the mum of two girls (8 & 5) with a dad that seems to forget they exist most of the time I can sympathise with the relentless intensity of being the only parent. Sadly, sympathy and empathy is all I can offer. Sorry.