dads last visit. :(

[katiem1986]

hello there, last week my ex came round to see our son, things dont usually go as wrong as they did this visit, accasionally my son gets a little excited and sometimes results in accidents, not unusual for a toddler. but this time was diffrent, whilst my ex was here he actually pushed our son into one of his ride on toys hurting him, when i asked him why he pushed him i just got no i didnt i was trying to stop him running at me. bearing in mind i was in the room i saw him put his arm out and push our son. :( then to add to that our son ended up with a big bruise on his face infront of his ear, im unsure what happend there but once again whilst playing with my ex. on top of that when my son was about to have his bottom changed by my ex, i heard screaming, i ran to the room and my son had smacked his head and had a bruise/lump size of a marble on the back of his head. my ex said he had thrown himself backwards onto the skirting board. i just couldnt believe what id seen in the time of about hour half. i know my son would not throw himself backwards in his room hes very carefull as hes hit his head on same place long time ago. just not sure what to believe. that night my son had to go to a and e as hed woken up and been sick. they said he had concussion. now my partner is saying he wants to have our son alone once a week, i didnt trust him before all this happend how am i supose to now. :( sorry for having a moan. x i feel bad for feeling like this towards my ex but then i want to protect my son, anyone else been through similar thing?

I think its good for your ex to see his son what about a contact centre to start with so the contact will be supervised initially and will let you see how things go . If it goes ok you can then look at moving away from this.

did you tell a and e what happened?
they may follow up routinely and want to know how it happened.

is your exP usually angry?
do you think he did it on purpose? why would he do that?

why did you split? was there violence?

It's not a moan, it's not because you're horrible, it's because you're worried about your son. It's always hard to tell form 1 paragraph exactly what the background is to the relationship between you/ your ex/ your son. You sound like you feel genuinely worried about leaving them alone which is always a warning sign. It's good for your son to see his dad if he's safe, and only if he's safe.

I think Cestlavielife is on to something --- you need to talk to someone, maybe not at a and e, because you're not there any more, but someone impartial - perhaps a relative or a mutual friend (sometimes I find my friends are too nice to me and I don't get a balanced view!) or even a HV?

Good luck sorting it.

i feel sick at this OP. Keep your ex away from your ds

thankyou for your replys, yeah ive never stopped my ex from seeing our son and i dont want to but for the moment iv decided to stay with him while he visits. the relationship ended due to money problems and relationship breakdown not due to violence, he is capable of getting anoyed as anyone else but i couldnt say hed hurt his boy. my hv spoke to me yesterday about what happend and she seemed unphased by it as my son seems healthy and fine. i have spoken to my local children's centre and iv told them id like to have the visits in there as there are cameras and plenty of staff around. im staying there for the moment to see how things go and hopfully il be able to leave him with him soon in the future. i know it sounds bad, but i think my ex just hasnt got the knowledge to know what to do, hes missing the fatherly instinct. he was like it from the beginning and obviously being our first child its expected, but we were together until our son was 13months, and still then he would do things like picking him up by his wrists and swing him around, he just doesnt think of what damage he could do. and because we split hes missed out on having the opportunity to get more involved and gain that knowledge, but he doesnt not visit enough though he seems willing enough too, but then doesnt visit for three weeks at a time. just after my sons AE visit my ex said he wants to see cameron once a week or more so il have to see if he sticks to it. hes suggested this before and my son still didnt see him for 2 weeks or more at a time. i know it probably sounds like im moaning. it just feels a bit like a visious circle at the moment all id like is for ex to visit his son reguarly and to proove he is capable to keep little man safe.