Have you ever been accused to intend to abduct your child?

[Mimatchin]

Hi there,

I've been under false allegation 2 weeks after giving birth accused of wanting to abduct my child. I've received a prohibited step order.I've been to court and I am allowed to go to France to visit my family 3 weeks in January under certain condition.

I' ve never been with the father, I met him last year and had a casual relationship with him from october to January 2010. He advised me to do an abortion but I decided to keep the child.
I also did not plan to prevent him from having a relationship with the child in the future. However I did not want to have any relationship anymore with him myself.

He becgan to harrass me and wanted to come around my place, sending texts and emails attacking me and telling me that we have to see each other regularily because of me expecting the child. I've been advised to contact the police and Domestic Violence to prevent him from harassing me.

I became very scared and I am still, he wants to control me using the child as an excuse I feel sorry for my baby not to be able to be as happy as I should for her.

He is allowed to spend time with the baby but not allowed to approach my house.

I feel very isolated, the court proceeding is not finished yet but I just wanted to talk about the fact that as soon as you are foreigner and expect a child from an unmarried father who is british you have to know that any solicitor would advise a father to accuse you of wanting to abduct your child to get more control on you. It is very unfair as he have all his family here and just have to turn at the corner to see them. In my case I have to go abroad (my country) and everytime ask hom for his pemission.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Sounds like a really lonely time for you. You'll always find an ear and support on here :) My ex accused me of the same thing. The police laughed about it!!! I don;t have experience in court proceedings so unfortunately can't help you out there. If you get a residency order you can go on holiday for up to 4 weeks without your ex's permission!!!!! So get yourself one of those!! Its so unfair that he is stopping you from being with your family at such a dificult time. Is he/will he be of practical support to you with your newborn? Do you have close friends you can lean on at this time and who can offer you time? Or even better do you have any family that would be prepared to stay with you to help out until all the court stuff is ironed out? I sought support and help from my health visitors and the childrens centres. They were fab!!! Have you heard of something called homestart? Its a great charity that come in for a few hours a week for practical and emotional support. Weird that he thinks he has a right to you when your pregnant. He sounds very possesive and controlling indeed. Do you think that he might just be very scared of losing contact/access to his child and thats whats instigating extreme behaviour? He might just be very scared? I don't know, just trying to see how he might be feeling and if there is maybe a way that you can reach him and help him come to terms with the situation and work out a great plan for your little one to build a good consistent relationship with him. If you guys can co-parent and be on the same page it'll make life much easier!! Don't know if this helps. Hope it doesn. Remember your not alone :) Be strong and happy x

Hi, I hope you are breastfeeding. Good for the baby, but also a way of stopping him from taking over your baby - mother and bfing baby can't be away from each other for too long.
Was there a cafcass officer involved? I think you need someone - perhaps an advocate - to help you here. It is ridiculous that you are not allowed to take your child to see your family without strictures from him. Yes, he will have parental responsibility for the baby, but stopping you from getting the support you need is ridiculous. Phone Womens Aid - it takes a while to get through on the phone but keep trying. Do you have work here? A support network here? Talk to the Health Visitor as well. You do have to be careful how you put things. Also post on legal here and you may get some good advice.

I think you need to google the Hague Convention, which most international couples are probably unaware of before having children. In short, presuming you have joint custody, you will need your ex's permission to take the child out of the country whether on a temporary (holiday) or permanent basis. Having said that, some countries have a better record of compliance with and enforcement of the hague convention than others. Not sure where france lies on this matter.

A solicitor I spoke to once said that although the Hague Convention was created with the best of intentions, 90% of the time it's now used as a means of continued domestic oppression.

I would also advise you to look at www.reunite.org and give them a call - they may be able to give you some free advice over the phone.

I don't think you're likely to get any free advice from the citizens advice bureau - it's too specialised. Would you qualify for legal aid?

Hi there,

Thanks for your replies and support.

MamaMassageMe I agree that he is also scared to not see the baby anymore but I ve never said that he will not. I think is scared not to see me anymore as well unfortunately.

struwelpeter Yes I am breastfeeding. I've not seen any Cafcass officer and women aid was little help. I might have been very unlucky this day, the agent before I finished my story accused me of wanting to stop the contact with the father, in short lying, I started to cry and she realised that she s gone too far.

WellthatsdoneitHague Convention need to be revised!!! Mothers are suffering all around the world it is crazy!!! I am checking Reunite website regularily in fact and I should be entitled legal aid.

I completely agree Mimatchin. The hague convention is not intended to deal with the child's welfare at all, but purely decides on the forum in which the matter of custody and living arrangements should be heard. However, this to me is contradictory to the intention of the HC when it was first created which was for humanitarian purposes, ie the welfare of the child!

Is France a common law or civil law country? I suspect civil law, as most of europe is - tends to be only the UK, commonwealth and other countries with past ties to the UK that are based on common law. Countries with a civil law basis have a worse track record in terms of compliance and enforcement of the HC because they often have no way of enforcing a civil judgment, so although they might make an order for a return, it might not actually be enforced - apparently there is no such thing as 'contempt of court' in many civil law countries. That obviously would work in your favour assuming that france is a civil law country (however, in the reading I've done I've not come across france as being listed as a violator of the HC - but Germany, Sweden, Brazil, Mexico all have a track record of non compliance).

Great that you can get legal aid - I am going to PM you with details of a solicitor whom I highly recommend and who also takes legal aid.

Good luck to and your dc.

Thanks you so much!!

I do further research regarding this common and civil law