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Original poster

What are the rules about text messages and dating

23 replies

cuteboots · 05/12/2011 12:24

Not sure if I should have posted this here or in relationships?

Ok so actually made the effort to go out on saturday and met this really nice man. He said hes interested in coming out again and hed text me to confirm but he is going through a really horrid divorce and isnt keen to rush headlong into anything at the mo. So what is the correct procedure do you wait to hear from him ? He did text me yesterday which I thought was a good sign. Its just ages since ive done the whole dating thing and dont want to appear too keen....Probably also the reason Ive been single for a while as I dont do this very well ; 0 (

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fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 05/12/2011 12:31

Tbh I'd steer clear. He's told you in a roundabout way that he's not available for a relationship.

Ragwort · 05/12/2011 12:36

Is he saying that he would like to see you again but just to 'date' with no expectations of a serious relationship? If you are happy with that then I can't see a problem with sending a friendly text saying you'd love to out for a meal or something over Christmas. Or could he be saying, in a roundabout sort of way, that he is looking for a quick 'fling' but no comittment?? Xmas Grin. Perhaps you would be happy with that - decide what YOU want, rather than just taking what he is prepared to offer if it is not right fo you. Xmas Smile.

Original poster
cuteboots · 05/12/2011 12:37

Hmmmm! I think you are in a way being very helpful as he did seem a bit edgy and even wanted to go to a pub away from where we live in case his ex wife saw him. Ive only just got my confidence back again to start going out and doing the whole dating thing again so do you know what I dont think I will take this any further. Life is too short and my spare time is too valuable..

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Original poster
cuteboots · 05/12/2011 12:39

ragwort- I think he just wants friendship and mentioned he has a few female friends! That scared me a bit as does he mean friends with benefits ? Not my bag at all. On the other hand it has been a while and I could just do the a fling with no strings bit??

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fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 05/12/2011 12:41

Even if you do want a fling, this is surely the wrong man though? Do you really want to be with someone who's always looking over his shoulder for his ex wife?? Get a babysitter another weekend, go out and have fun. But avoid anyone who, on a first meeting, tells you their whole sorry relationship history. It is NOT a good sign.

Original poster
cuteboots · 05/12/2011 12:51

fuckityfuckfuckfuck- Im starting to think it was easier just staying away from men.

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anothermum92 · 05/12/2011 18:15

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Original poster
cuteboots · 06/12/2011 15:29

anothermum92- Im going to wait for him to text me . He did send a few last night but as yet no next date has been planned. His last text did say he would come back to me tonight with a few possible dates so we will see if he doesnt bother then at least I will know.

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Purpleroses · 06/12/2011 15:49

I would always wait to hear from him first, but reply fairly promptly if keen :)

molepomandmistletoe · 06/12/2011 16:07

My new rule for the next bloke will be "text me and I wont answer, if you cant be arsed to actually call, I cant be arsed with you."

I HATE texts espcially when just getting to know someone. Either call me and make a date or fuck off.

(the poor bugger is going to have such a hard time as I'm not giving up single life for just anyone)

Original poster
cuteboots · 06/12/2011 16:12

molepomandmistletoe- I did think that last night as he was sending quite a few texts!!

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molepomandmistletoe · 06/12/2011 16:16

Persoanlly I would take it as a warning sign. Lots of attention in the begining usually ends with him dumping you be text after he's got what he wants. .

If they cant be arsed to phone you, then they are not really interested IMO.

Original poster
cuteboots · 06/12/2011 17:01

molepomandmistletoe- My mum who is into buying me books has recently given me one called dating and the single girl and one of the main points they mention is if he never calls you but always texts you should kick him to the kerb. We will see if he provides another date venue tonight if not he can go and find some other person to text! At least Ive proved I can still pull which for me is a major thing as Im not the worlds most confident person...

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molepomandmistletoe · 06/12/2011 18:46

Make him work hard for the date Cute, you're worth the effort and dont settle for anything less than absolute worship.

Purpleroses · 06/12/2011 19:42

Nah, I don't think that's true at all. Men text because they're slightly nervous as to whether you'll say yes to another date. And also a call can be seen as rather pushy, it puts you on the spot and if on a mobile potentially interupts you in the middle of something. You can always text back and suggest he gives you a call at a certain time to arrange things if you want to actually make the arrangements over the phone.

If you only date men who are prepared to keep going after you've ignored their texts you're fairly sure only to get men who are desparate or super-confident that everyone must fancy them, and you may miss out on men who are just a little shy or lacking in recent dating experience.

Original poster
cuteboots · 09/12/2011 12:17

quick update he has been kicked to the kerb. How can you get to know someone by just texting them? Also it sounded like he was addding me to his weekly schedule! "I have the following dates free"! Hmmm I think not my free time is to valuable ; 0 )

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molepomandmistletoe · 09/12/2011 12:28

Good for you.

how are you feeling about it though?

Original poster
cuteboots · 09/12/2011 12:44

Bit gutted being honest but after a long soak in the bath and a glass of wine I realised that I can do better than wait for a man to decide he wants to spend time with me! Still felt a bit crap though!!

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molepomandmistletoe · 09/12/2011 12:53

Urrghh.

I know that feeling. I'm not going to sit here and say it'll get better and patronise you as we both know it will. It's just that it's still shit in the mean time which is why I asked.

Original poster
cuteboots · 09/12/2011 14:28

I know youre not patronising me but its still makes you feel a bit awful doesnt it. Give it a few weeks and I will have forgotten all about it. How do you do this dating thing but with a different attitude?

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molepomandmistletoe · 10/12/2011 10:40

I have no idea.

I'm not looking for anyone as 1) I cant be bothered and I mean I REALLY, WELL AND TRULY cant be arsed, 2)I'm loving my life at the moment and I have no time or room for a bloke in my life at the moment.

Original poster
cuteboots · 13/12/2011 11:38

I think you have the correct outlook and I do have very similar views and am very happy on my own. I sometimes think I will be on my own forever as it did take me a while to decide to meet this bloke and I cant be bothered with the getting to know someone bit and would rather just not bother...

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Emma2228 · 16/12/2011 16:07

i would love to start dating somebody as well, being alone with 6yo kiddie. If that man is not willing to make any effort... let him to go cuteboots, its not worth.

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