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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I think I have just been petty and unreasonable :-(

9 replies

froggies · 01/12/2011 12:52

The village light switch on thingy is on Saturday at 6.30. ExP collects DD's at 6.30, so I passed him the info the other day. I will be taking DS.

This morning the school sent an email saying DD1 needs to be there at 6.15 as she will be singing carols.

ExP had sent me an email saying 'I will pick them up early 6.00 - 6.10 will be best' - no, how do you want to work it? Would it be ok to collect early? Are going anyway? Nothing, just I will pick them up early.

So I sent one back saying I will take them down and meet him there at 6.30 with DD2.

Now feel ever so petty, because really, him collecting them half an hour early doesn't make any difference to me.... I just got annoyed because he told me what he was doing, and assumed that it would happen, rather than asked..... :-(

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StaceymAloneForver · 01/12/2011 12:59

you're not being unreasonable to feel a bit put out, he should have asked you not told you.

if he's not taking them to the light switch on thingy then YADNBU, if he is, it's prob just bad wording

my xh asked to pick kids up from school on friday and I said no as they're helping set up the xmas fair, he's not too happy but they had plans, and i'm not changing them for him

Original poster

froggies · 01/12/2011 13:10

I think he is, but I am going too anyway, with DS. If I wasn't taking DS, there would be no point in me taking them there to meet him and I would have said Ok through gritted teeth.

I know it is the wording, but he wouldn't consider wording it any other way, he has control and anger issues.... Obviously I am going to do what he says! That is why I reacted :-(

Fair enough with your Xmas fair, that is for the benefit of DC's, I don't think my reaction is though, which is why I am annoyed at myself.

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StaceymAloneForver · 01/12/2011 13:12

i don't think you reaction is unfair on him though, you are not stopping him from being there with the children or from having his contact.

Don't beat yourself up about it.

Tallypet · 01/12/2011 14:59

I think YABU here... it's not such a big deal that he's taking the kids down early. It's a bit petty that you decided to take them down because he obviously didn't ask nicely enough for you. He's only collecting the kids 20 minutes earlier... to an event he was going to and they were all going to anyway? Maybe he was busy and couldn't pander send a full length "Please can I collect the kids early? Would that be all right with you. Thank you ever so much"

Original poster

froggies · 01/12/2011 15:15

Tallypet, yes, I agree, I do feel petty :-( , and it isn't a big deal for him to take them early.
But he isn't taking all of them, because he doesn't take DS, only DD's, so I will be there already. There is no more hassle for him to come to the door and us both drive down the road at the same time than if I meet him there at the usual hand over time.
It is totally me getting my back up at his wording. I know it is just the way he is to tell me what I am doing, it is one of the reasons we split, it pushes my buttons and I admit it.
I am feeling bad for not rising above it and behaving like an adult.

OP posts:

JayneyMack · 01/12/2011 19:32

Oh give yourself a break love.
Everyone else gives us single mums a hard enough time without us doing it to ourselves!

Ok...so you feel you were petty, having an angry an controlling ex, I can totally understand why you reacted this way. It was just reacting to all the previous times that he has told you how to live your life. Yes it may have been a small thing in the grand scheme of things but it was just a tiny straw that finally broke the camels back.
Putting it in perspective, you didn't scream and rant at him, just sent him a text telling him how handover is going to happen.

Chill...have a glass of wine, and just remind yourself that you are a reasonable person, he has just pushed you to your limits!

(Wonders why i can't take my own advice when it seems to make so much sense...?)

Original poster

froggies · 01/12/2011 20:11

Lol, thanks for the reality check!

Had a bit of a day, childminding before school, so a total of 4 under 6's to get ready for school/playgroup, plus the teen... Childminding after play group, then unexpected friend to play after school and the extra trip to take her home. Have just come down with a grotty cold, and I have 2 exams for my HNC tomorrow. Maybe not surprising I wasn't totally Miss reasonable.

Best go do some studying, DS just made me a lovely cup of tea, will have wine tomorrow :-)

OP posts:

JayneyMack · 01/12/2011 20:47

There you go...completely reasonable under the circumstances!

Hope studying goes well, and good luck for exams tomorrow.

For tomorrow night...

blackeyedsanta · 02/12/2011 21:29

listen to janeymack. she is talking sense.

you are dropping them off at normal pickup time. he has nothing to complain about. he is not missing out, the children are not missing out. of course if he had asked politely then you would have been more responsive, but actions have consequences. he is rude and controllling, you stick to the agreed handovers and keep you distance. he is polite and flexible, you are polite and flexible.

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