I know IABU but I just need to moan ...

[newbabynewmum]

I've had a bit of a shit time this year (understatement) some of u may remember my back-story. Anyway I have one DD who is 14mo and have been on my own since she wa 2mo, currently fighting her dad in court as I want him to have supervised access (so he's not suitable to look after her).

My mum's look after my daughter 6 times since she's been born. Mum lives 10mins down the road and we've previously had a very good relationship. She's made it pretty clear she doesnt want to babysit (saying no, suggesting a friends 16yo daughter does it instead and I pay her etc).

I know I can't expect my mum to babysit. I know I'm being unreasonable. But I'm still upset! I don't get why she doesn't want to. I know she doesnt have to. But I never get a break. I'm doing a PGCE which is like Fulltime work (if not a bit more) and have no one else to ask for help. And dont ask a lot (6 times so far in 14mo - and she comes to me, never has her overnight etc).

So yes. That's my moan. Sorry. I know I'm lucky to have her help those 6 times in the past. I should probably shut up. I'm just tired. I want a break! (like everyone on here)

I think part of my problem is being lonely. Im on my own every single eve. Gets a bit much sometimes.

Don't feel guilty about being upset over this. I know she has her own life but you do need support. If my parents turned round and said they wouldn't babysit for me any more I would be upset.

You are very brave taking on a PGCE with a 14 month old. I teach so I know how intense the training is. Hope it is going well.

I don't think YABU to be upset by it - I would be upset if my mum lived so close and wouldn't help out a bit more. At the end of the day, she doens't have to, but it's not unreasonable to hope that she might offer. Is your dad still around? If so, would it be worth asking him? Or is it possible your mother is frightened that if she gives an inch you'll take a mile? Could you ask her if she'd be up for, say, a regular once a month babysit or sleepover?

Do you have any close friends that might babysit for free? I used to cook friends dinner sometimes and then leave them to babysit (in the days when money was tighter - now I use teenagers which is great). Appoint a godparent?

I know completely what you mean with being lonely in the evenings. It's not much fun.
Are there any social opportunities that you could take DD along to? At that age my DS would sleep very well in a buggy and I took him all over the place (pubs, parties, etc) (though my DD would never sleep in a buggy so it does depend on the child I know). Or invite people to yours?

You really are not being unreasonable. Plus you are very brave for taking on a PGCE at this stage in your DD's life, hope you do well in it for the career you want.

Moan away, that's what we are here for :)

Am sending you a

Thank you, you've made me feel a bit better. It's nice to know I'm not expecting too much from her.

My dad moved to the other side of the country just over a year ago so he's out of the question: I do have 2 friends who I think would manage to look after her. I previously hadn't asked them as I worried that they might find it hard!

Nowadays she sleeps from about 7/8 until at least 2am most nights so all I need is someone to literally sit in my house. I'm going to ask one of my friends the next time that I want to do anything!

Thanks. It's nice to be able to moan! And yes, the PGCE is bloody hard, as some of you know! Only 3 weeks until Christmas!

well it is her choice really...train up the 16 year old who wil probably be far more useful in the long term

Just a thought but do you have a local Gingerbread group with a babysitting circle you could get into? If you were near me, I'd happily pop over and babysit, bringing my little one in tow of course, if you don't mind returning the favour!

That's a really good idea, thank you. I'm going to suggest it with my 2 NCT friends. See if they'd mind once in a while :)

I don't think yabu, my mum gets upset if she doesn't see my dd after a few days, she picks her up from school one afternoon a week and helps out when i have to work weekends (about every 5th wend) plus will babysit if I want to go out on a weekend!!!

I am not trying to rub it in I promise but wanted to show how entirely unreasonable you are being!!!

Plus and more to the point she loves spending time with her Grandaughter and they have a lovely close relationship, I know I am lucky but I really think in the long run it is your mum who is missing out.

My mum really enjoys spending time with her, but it seems it has to be with me there. She doesn't like babysitting.

I think it's part of a wider problem tbh, she won't spend time with me in the evenings even though she knows that I'm at home alone 90% of the time. She spends time with me at the weekend sometimes in the day. But not the evening, she fits me around her partner basically.

She's never been a self-centred kind of person but this new relationship has changed her a bit. Ugh, I suppose writing this all down I need to talk to her don't I.

Hi OP
Just another thought whilst it flashes across my brain, I'm in a similar situation to you (albeit with a mum who doesn't mind babysitting but still lots of evenings in on my tod). I organise a dinner party at my house once a month and invite friends over. Everyone brings a little something, wine, pudding.... so it's not too pricey for me and I get an evening's worth of adult chat and to stay in touch with people.
LL x