Game player

[tashies]

i have broke up with my partner 3 months ago we have a 17 month old little boy...6 months ago my ex went away to work a roster of 4 weeks on 1 week of to get us in a financial situation of debt and buy a house...( my ex had an addiction to methamphetamine for 7 years and was clean for 6 months prior to leaving for this job he was also an abuser to me) long story short in September I caught him out cheating on me by accessing his phone account. He now has a new girlfriend up there he's been with for 3 weeks. Anyway in the last 3 months it has been a struggle to get child maintenance from him weekly as he's so manipulative and holds out on paying if things don't go his way so I contacted the CSA and they were going to look at taking it from his wages well he somehow manipulated them and is still paying privately he constantly says hurtfull things to me about our son and in the 3 months we havnt been together on his week of he has not come to see his son. He picks and choses when he wants to be a dad and get along with me he's always trying to get a reaction from me. I have said to him I don't want direct contact with him anymore and now he's playing the all this will stop I'll pay every week card which he has done so many times befor I want him to still be in my Childs life even tho he's a deadbeat dad but I'm sick of his games what should I do and has anyone else gone through this?

Can't offer much advice i'm afraid, as am in a similar position myself.. have posted the damned if I do, damned if I don't thread. I too am sick of games, I can only think they're down to some sort of attitude from them that 'you've made your bed, you can lie in it'. (I ended the relationship, was it the same with you?). I think personally my ex still feels bitter deep down that I ended it and just doesn't want to make life easy for me, do you think it could be the same for you?

Worrying thing is my ex now lives with a new woman and child, rather a rebound relationship for him, and dont' get me wrong i want him to be happy, but if he still feels the need to try and p*ss me off he's obviously got issues and certainly isn't ready to move on. God help the new woman is all I say!!

You need to detatch and try to sort things out calmly.

You need to check back with the CSA and find out exactly what the position is. I'm not sure you can 'manipulate' them - are you getting maintenance at the moment?

If you want him in your child's life then work out how you would want that to happen (eg how often etc) and write to him suggesting it and see if you can agree (obv it needs to be a reasonable plan taking into account his work pattern).

He can only play games with you if you let yourself be played.