Working lone parents - how's the balance?

[MadMadamMim]

I'm currently in a part time job (17 hours per week), term time only doing a really straightforward admin role. It fits in with the kids (my DSes are 4 and 6), but the only reason I can afford to do it is because I get support from the state. And it really doesn't challenge me - I am worried that by doing it I'm damaging my career prospects because it's so unrelated to what I trained in (and would like to do).

A job has come up that is full time at my current employer doing what I'm qualified in. I'm itching to take up the challenge and get stuck in (If I'm lucky enough to get it) but I'm concerned about how working full time will really work out with the kids. At the moment I'm able to do all the housework, extra reading and homework and time doing fun stuff. If I go back full time then I'll not be doing the school run, and will really only have about three and a half hours a day with my kids before bed - squeezing in reading, cooking, housework...

What I'm wondering is, if you're a lone parent working full time, how do you manage? And how do you feel about it? Do you feel judged? I guess I just want to hear what other people's experiences are...

I feel fine. I have to provide for my child somehow so not bothered in the slightest what people who don't pay my wages have to say.

Re house work etc if you're not already then get organized that's the only thing I can suggest. Good luck and hope you get the role :)

Its hard, no doubt about it, but I have to in order to make ends meet & I hope my DC will understand when they are older. I'm wrecked with guilt all the time - worried that I'm not spending enough time with them, how it affects them, etc. But it is workable & your children will respect you for taking the leap. As Mischief101 said, being organised (& putting in the extra hours!) is the only way to get through it.
Best of luck with your decision.

I've always worked full time and have been a lone parent for nearly 2 years. It helps that I have no childcare costs (work term time only and DC are 12 and 14) but I do have huge mortgage! For me, the balance comes in school holidays and at least they stay up later now.

Your DC won't be 6 and 4 for ever, and if taking the new job is the right thing for you to do, go for it. Every month they get older and more able to understand that mummy can't be there for every waking moment.

I work 80% which is fine - but that 20% less than full time is really important to me. Allows me to jiggle my hours a bit to pick up from school 3 days a week and still gives time for the supermarket run. I have two DCs, like you and have been 80% since DD was 4, when she started school.

My DC's dad has them one day a week after school, leaving just one day when I work a full day and then pick up from kids club, getting home around 6.30pm. At the end of that day I am always left feeling shattered and very glad that the next day will be one when I finish at 3pm. Personally I wouldn't want to do that every day.

Would your boss consider you doing the job you want, but on 80% (or less) - there's no reason why part time has to = low skilled and badly paid.

I've never really felt judged as a working mother, but sometimes a bit jelous of those who have time to help out at school and get chores done whilst the kids are out, instead of after they've gone to bed.

I work part time job sharing as a teacher. I'm lucky in that I'm doing the job I trained for and the job I love but I couldn't imagine doing it full time at the moment but I know I will need to think about it when the children are older. I find the days I'm working, work completely takes over and the house gets into a mess but my youngest is still 2 and needs me to do a lot for him so I suppose as he gets older, it may get a little easier.

I do find that doing the job I'm trained for helps my self-esteem and as I enjoy my work, it is a good escape from all the crap in my life.

I have always worked full time, mainly because I have a mortgage and bills to pay, and I have never had proper support from Ex-P.

It is a struggle. DD has SEN, so needs after school care. It is unlikely that she will ever be able to come home from school alone.

I am constantly knackered. and when at work I am always clock watching. I can't really afford to be flexible - I have to leave work in enough time to walk to my car and pick DD up from the after school club. I can't do early meetings as I have to wait until DD is picked up by taxi in the morning. So, sometimes I feel that I am not performing well enough at work, and end up taking work home, which I do once DD is in bed. My job is pretty stressful, but I know that I am lucky to have a job, so also pretty worried that my lack of flexibility means that I might not be so lucky when the next round of redundancies come around..

I have negotiated one day a week when I can finish earlier, to collect DD and take her to a club and that is "our day". She loves it when I meet her from school. However, I do have to make the time up.

As far as housework goes, well, I do the bare minimum. It's just me and DD and we don't care too much about the mess. I do hardly any ironing, fold and put away clothes as soon as they are dry, and am amazed how much time that saves. My house is quite shabby, as I can't really afford to do it up, but we don't mind

Her father is as good as out of the picture, for all the times he sees her, so it is all down to me.

If I'm totally honest, I would love to reduce my hours, but I can't afford to and would probably not find another similar job. I am quite limited in how far from my home town I could venture, as well as finding something that fits in with the times I need to be available for DD.

On the plus side, I enjoy being me, not "Mum", and I do like the challenge of my job. And for 8 hours a day I get to do the thing that I have studied and trained for, and feel competent at (being a Mum is tons harder and I often feel I'm not getting it right)

I would go for it. Yes, you will be knackered, yes, and perhaps may feel guilty but at the end of the day if you progress your career there will come the time when there would be enough resources to be able to have some flexibility without compromising how well you provide for your children.

If you keep within the easy road you will be in the same place in a year or 5 (or even worse, at the time when the children get old enough for tax credits and other benefits to stop). Still depending on tax credits and without a career to help you provide for a better life for you and your children.

I do it, I manage it by being VERY organised, I have never felt judged but often feel people admires me for being able to do a good job both at work and with my child.

Thank you all for your responses. It's great to hear so many people being encouraging and positive about it. I know there will be sacrifices, and it's good to hear how other people feel about it.

hadn't considered it from MrsColour's point - that it would be good for my self esteem - something which has taken a major bash since XH left us. He works shifts, so I don't feel I can rely on him much for childcare (despite his thoughts that he has them every other weekend - it's more like one weekend a month, and maybe one evening a week after school on average). But I am lucky that my parents live nearby and would be able to help out.

The big factor for me is that I hate relying on those benefits (although I'd still need TCs to help with childcare costs to start with), and I'm scared that if they suddenly disappear I'll be stuffed with a job that's taking me nowhere and not enough money to pay the bills.

Also jobs like this come up locally about once in a blue moon - If I don't go for it, I would be amazed if I could find a similar job in a year or so's time (when youngest DS is in full time school) and it was more feasible to do it.

Eeek, better get drafting the application form!! :S Thank you all so much

Good luck!

Fingers crossed

Yes, good luck......hope you get it

go for it.
online shipping.
get a cleaner.

I worked full-time for four years as my work only allowed me to return after maternity on the same full-time hours, or not at all. It was hard and only really possible because I have a non-stress job. I had to be organised, very organised. Now I work four days a week and life is so much easier and I can get all the housework etc done on my day off, so weekends are free for fun with dd. I never felt judged working full-time, nor now; and other people's opinions wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

Hello ladies, I just wanted to update you -

I spoke to my boss about the job and expressed my interest - and on Friday I was told I have been successful in my application for a 20 hour a week secondment, term time only, and working with an intern

I am over the moon - I really hope that once my youngest is at school full time there will be a full time opportunity available, but for now this is just perfect for me. I can't believe it's worked out so well, and I just want to thank you for all your advice and opinions. Merry Christmas everyone!

well done

Fantastic, jammy with jam on it, well done you. High 5!

Yay, so lucky. Bet you're glad you went for it.

Brilliant! Term time only jobs are gold dust - you will have all holiday every holiday with your DC, as well as weekends and evenings.