How do all these men sleep at night!!!!!

[slavetomyson]

Hello all, i've posted on here before but not for a while. Just having a rant really so sorry about that. I'm just so cross and bitter that my ex has been able to move on and have a life, and I haven't, despite trying in ernest. Initially when we split up, he went to live 1 hour 15 minutes away which I felt was bad enough in itself. Then he was visiting our 5 year old DS twice a week for a bath and saw him every weekend. Then it reduced to once a week and every weekend. Now he doesn't come at all in the week and sees him every other 'weekend' which basically consists of having him for just over 24 hours.. not a 'weekend'. I don't know how he sleeps at night having so little contact with his son. I can't believe I made such a poor error of judgment choosing to have a child with him, i'm kicking myself. He's in a new relationship now, and now lives with her (see he's had a lot of time to put into new relationships obviously). Don't get me wrong I want him to be happy, but this has now meant that my social life consists of one night off every other week, I can't afford a babysitter at 5 quid an hour and don't have family nearby to help. I've been on about 6 dates over the last 18 months which have amounted to nothing. Even if I click with someone I wouldn't be able to sustain a relationship on the basis of going out once a fortnight. I just feel he's been able to swan about and get on with his smug life, whilst I spend my days and nights cooped up in this hell hole of a home with my autistic son. Life is totally s**t!! I don't see it getting any better, this is it now!! Does anyone else feel the same, and very bitter about these men who make children and then don't take responsibility? I'm shocked he thinks that amount of contact is acceptable. To top it off my son's behaviour has been shocking at the moment and i'm on the brink of not coping.. :-( So so sorry for the rant, hope everyone else is okay x

I went through this stage, for a long time - well probably 6/7 months I was internally really very angry how XP could leave and literally start over with such ease. I was very frustrated, not by not having time for relationships so much but by not having time for me at all in anyway. Cabin fever.
I started a journal which makes me weep if I read back, I have grieved for the life (stability) he took away and for the possibility of happiness I was prevented from finding. I started to also journal the good things and bliphoto family times and by really processing everything i came to terms with my lot. Its not great, we have little money so cant afford to do some of the amazing things he can. But - I am so happy now because even though its been really rough I have realised how very much better life is without him living here and how truly amazing my children are, sleep issues aside LOL!!

It takes time but IMO it is normal to be bitter,angry,jealous and frustrated. They key is dealing with it and recognising that you being negative will pass on to your child autistic or not. It will get better, I promise, it just takes a while and a whole lot of effort - good luck xx

I hear you slavetomyson please don't read if you want positive support as I aint got any as this is how it is for mum's like me and you!

I understand totally how you feel!
I to a mum to ds with autism. The ex left when pregnant. Moved abroad to be with OW. Ex seen ds 17 times all in all last time saw ds was 2.5 yrs ago. Doesn't support ds and to go through court...well lets say courts have fcuk up and ex wont pay a penny:(

Ex used to come over a lot as parents here and would attack my house. I needed to get CCTV in end to stop the attacks over 3 years. When ds started to talk last year(6) he told his 1:1 that his d would slap him in face and put his hand around his neck (strangling him), through him accross room etc. I am so relieved ds was eventually able to tell me!

I am so relieved ex decided not to carry on with contact for ds safety also.

I home ed also for 5 yrs so didn't get break in day either...I look back now ds in school and think how the hell did I cope. I know my health is ruined from the stress and the isolation has made me ill too. The days ds is in school now I cherish...as for nights/weekends well I try not to think about it all cause it makes me cry that my life has turned out this way also. I can't afford babysitters etc having had to give up work to manage the home programme and well after only a few weeks in school I realise now I have stopped the Home program how ill I actually am.
Family and friends run a mile when a relative needs help so dont get any support/respite from family. The few hours I do get from SS I use for the person to be my Number 2 in ds therapy...so again no actual respite.
I think our names are quite fitting for how are lives are turned out...I can't be postive about it as ex who earns 70K a yr has just got off scot free to not pay maintenance due to court error...

I' can feel your pain I have an 18 month old son who moved away for work and was home once every 4 weeks for 1 week we split because he was cheating on me that was 4 months ago and hasnt bothered to see his son since he now has a new gf and is coming home for Xmas and wants to see his son he is so self absorbed doesn't want any responsibility and wants to pick and choose when he sees his child it makes me sick and upsets me that he has got on with his life so quickly and carelessly and doesn't bother with his son like a good dad would makes it hard to get time to socialise and start a new life for myself but at the end of the day Somone right will come along we will get on with our life's and they will regret every thing regarding there children it's there loss if they don't put in the effort

Correction I have an 18 mOnth old son and his dad moved away for work

It is amazing to me. When my DD or DS or ill I will think about them completely. Ex will say he will ring to heck they are OK and then forgets. In the last few months both DCs have been in hospital, although minor things, broken arm and bacterial infection. Did Ex change his once a week for two hours and every other week at his parents - no - he just carried on with his life and forgot to call. My view though is that it is his loss. I enjoy being with the kids and working. My career has taken off since he left and DCs doing so well at school. Wondering now if he was holding us all back. Again no money unless under duress for us and wants me to remortgage to give him some equity back. HE is playing the victim and at the same time swanning off abroad to see his girlfriend. Plenty of money for that. As somebody said earlier what you put in you get out and being a mother is my favourite job although there are times when I want to just sit a cry, however the DCs always do something that makes me appreciate them even more. DS is at a university today at the tender age of 11 on the gifted and talented programme and my DD is just so gorgeous I want to kiss her even though she has spent the last three days throwing up all over me.

Totally empathise OP.

My XP hasn't seen DD for months now. I listen to DD telling me how much she misses Daddy, asking me where he is etc and it's shit. It's shit that I have all of the responsibility, even when I feel like I can't take anymore, I have to keep going, when I can't afford to take DD out very much, unless it involves a trip to the local park, because XP refuses to pay any maintenance. The seemingly endless tantrums, the never ending need for shoes/clothes, the constant mess in the house, the constant battles everyday just to get DD dressed, knowing tomorrow and the day after will be the same over and over again, the dreaded days where I wish I could just run away and breatheeeee!!

Every so often, it just gets too much and I feel so very angry with XP, for just dumping all of the responsibility on me, while he's out having relationship after relationship and I can't even go on 1 bloody date FFS!!

I rang XP a few weeks ago, and told him I needed some help, that I wish so badly that he would help, that I struggle so much (shouldn't have given him the satisfaction tbh but was at a particularly low ebb at the time ).

His reply? "I can't help, I'm trying to sort my life out!! If you really can't cope, phone SS, because I can't do anything until I have sorted my life out!"

He has been sorting his life out lurching from one relationship to another and one job to another for 15 years. A few more weeks/months/years is hardly going to be enough to sort his life out.

I need some advice please if anyone can help. I had a council property which I rented for 20 years on my own. I then got with someone and we decided to buy it. I had 70% discount. I had to put him on the tenancy a month or so before we bought it as I could not get the mortgage we needed on my earnings alone. We have now split up and he wants half the house. Would i be entitled to more than half because of the discount or not?

I'm sorry I am new and I think I have added this to someone else's post. Instead of doing my own 😩 Apologies if I have.

How did it go?

My DSs DF abandoned us when he was a baby. Because I refused to have that waste of oxygen back he wouldn't see my DS. He never paid any CM.

I was very angry at choosing that horrible man long before I was bitter. He moved on several times but was found out. He wouldn't know my DS if he walked past him. The last I heard he was living in his mother's council flat. Old, alone and with nothing. Good. Honestly just thinking about him makes me flesh crawl. I just wish he'd hurry up and die.

I was envious of women who's partners stayed in their DCs lives and paid CM. They were able to go out regularly and had emotional support. I worked full time and studied but I'm not sure how. I didn't establish a relationship until my DS was older.

But I now know that I can be alone. I also have a high bar, a lovely home, my own money and a brilliant relationship with my DS.