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Original poster

Do I have to let ex use my house?

13 replies

FourFish · 15/11/2011 11:57

Without giving too many details, I do not trust my ex and hate the thought of him being in my house. If nothing else, where would I go for the six hours that he has them? Does he have any legal right to demand to use my home to see the girls?
He lives 200 miles away and usually takes the girls out for the day to a museum or something. I have offered free the use of a family caravan if he wants a base but this closes December - March - he has never shown any intrest in this until now, he has got it into his head that he wants to do baking with them. TBH I think I could work round it if he was having them for the weekend but for such a short time it feels like an uneccessary invasion of privacy.

OP posts:
LeoTheLateBloomer · 15/11/2011 12:00

I know the feeling. Mine lives 4 hours away and is looking after DD all day on Saturday while I go out. He's never been on his own with her at home but since it will be all day I feel I have no option but to let him use the house. I'll have all paperwork in my car and will make sure he can't use the computer.

Have you considered using a contact centre?

LeoTheLateBloomer · 15/11/2011 12:01

BTW as far as the legal bit goes, is your house the former family home and is his name on the mortgage/lease? In my case he still technically owns half the house so I can't really deny him access, I just need to expect respect (chance would be a fine thing...)

niceguy2 · 15/11/2011 12:03

Noone will ever make you use your home if you are not comfortable with it and I suggest you do not.

Years ago I let my ex look after the kids in my house for 30 mins a day so I didn't have to put the kids into childcare before school. I thought I could trust her as we got on pretty well and there was no animosity between us anymore. I later found out (to my dismay) that she'd been through my stuff and found some information which she filed away to use against me when it suited her.

So no, bad idea.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 15/11/2011 12:05

I wouldnt let your Ex use your house for visitation. It just seems a bit odd to me.

He needs to make arrangements to see his children - if he wants to do baking he can look for morning or afternoon lessons. There are some about. I can recommend Splat Cooking if you are in Bucks area.

No, dont let him into your personal space, especially if you dont trust him. Sad

Original poster
FourFish · 15/11/2011 16:41

I moved into this house (rented) after I left him. And thats what worries me NiceGuy is that he'll go through my stuff. I also think it will confuse the girls as my 3 year old has it very set that she lives in Mummies house and when she is bigger she will sleep at Daddies house (he has stated he only wants to start overnight when the girls are sleeping throught the night).
Feel better about saying no now. Thanks

OP posts:
LeoTheLateBloomer · 15/11/2011 17:03

You're absolutely right not to let him be there if you don't trust him and perfectly within your rights to refuse him entry. Well done for standing your ground.

cestlavielife · 15/11/2011 19:51

no dont let him in. set that boundary very clear now.

you've offered him caravan - that is a good offer.

he can look for saturday cooking classes or wait for march to cook with them.

Purpleroses · 15/11/2011 20:30

You don't have to let him use your house. But then he doesn't have to come and visit his DDs. So depends how much you value his involvement in their lives, and how likely it is he'd stop coming or see them less if he couldn't use the house.

Does he have friends or family near you that he could take the DDs round to? Might be better than 6 hours in a museum! Can't be easy for him being out all day long, but not fair you you to have to vacate your home on a regular basis.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 16/11/2011 10:10

wow purple nice bit of emotional blackmail there! Hmm

OP - it is up to your EX to make arrangements to visit HIS children. Up to HIM to organise events/places to go. I think you offering a caravan is more than helpful to him. If he chooses to be difficult that is his problem, not yours.

Why does he want to do cooking now, especially with a 3yr old? Chocolate crispies would be perfectly doable in the caravan.

Original poster
FourFish · 16/11/2011 11:48

Jax I fully suspect that the sudden intrest in cooking is because I informed him that the site would now be closed until March - he is very good at making me look like the difficult one creating problems to visits.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 16/11/2011 11:53

Of course he doesn't need or have any right to use your house.

Just cos he's a cock and playing the 'six hours in a museum card' Hmm

He could go to the park, the museum, lunch, even to the supermarket. The fact is he just wants to manipulate - it is his choice to go to a museum for six hours and then make out it's your fault.

'NO' is a complete senence and when he witters on about baking tell him you're busy and have to go. Frankly you were nice to offer the caravan - you didn't have to and look where it got you. It got you a discussion you didn't want and a suggestion (that you have taken on) that you were being unreasonable.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 16/11/2011 20:29

well fish you are not being difficult, you have given him an option, just because he doesnt like it doesnt mean you have to fix it for him.

In the words of a more well known poster "fuck him off!" Wink

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Dont let him make you feel bad, he is obviously good at it. Just say NO!

nametapes · 16/11/2011 20:51

You dont have to let him use your house. I wouldnt let my ex,,, he would snoop around looking though everything.. . . dont trust your EX and dont allow him in.

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