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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Dating - not sure I'm doing it right??!?

9 replies

singlevillagemum · 14/11/2011 14:59

Had a dinner date the other night. It was great, real fun. He already knew I was a single mum as we know each other through work contacts and have been comfortably chatting for about a year.

He brought up the topic of my son, asked a few polite questions, I didn't really dwell on it as we were chatting so much about other stuff.

Cut to the end of the night, I thank him for dinner but as I knew he was off on holiday I didn't make any mention about calling etc.

So fast-forward and he makes polite contact [I mean very polite contact] via email. I reply and lightly suggest lunch to say thanks for a lovely evening. I get back some weirdness about me keeping my life in seperate compartments and no further communication, despite the fact that we are normally in touch quite a bit most days.

Now I would just chuck this to one side and move on - EXCEPT that I just got the attendees list for a meeting I'm attending tomorrow and horror - he's on it.

A bit of advice would be very welcomed from those with more experience in single parent dating land. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping 'me as a date' and 'me as a parent' seperate. Is that not what people would normally do? or do I have to present myself as 'a package'?

And also, how the hell do I get through tomorrow???

OP posts:
whirlwindlife · 14/11/2011 15:50

It's a first date, surely there are no rules on how much you want to divulge about your son! If he has a problem with this small thing then that doesn't bode well on what else he might have a problem with, a bit petty?

I would just be polite and carry on as if the date didn't happen tomorrow, how else is there to act? Just be friendly as you were. Gd luck

SenoritaViva · 14/11/2011 16:37

I am not a single parent but nevertheless that is exactly how I would have played it. I always think no one is as interested in your children as yourself so even meeting a new person (date or otherwise) I don't (or try not to anyway) gush about my DD. I find it a little odd that he was expecting so much more; maybe due to you emailing for so long. Perhaps he is looking for a ready made family or something.

About tomorrow, I'd act professionally and just continue with meeting as usual. Don't refer to date but do be friendly. If it goes well/normally tomorrow I'd probably email him the day after in response to simply say he wasn't right but you felt that you behaved appropriately for a first date, no compartments just that you are keen to take things slowly.

WibblyBibble · 14/11/2011 16:46

Uh, if he's expecting to meet your child on a first date, I think he's the one doing it wrong! I'm not as strict as some people but I still wouldn't let people meet my children until I'd seen them a few times in different situations, and got some idea what they were about.

Re: the meeting- I'd just try and be professional and not mention it at all.

toptramp · 14/11/2011 23:30

Do you want to date him again? He sounds a bit odd.

toptramp · 14/11/2011 23:31

What's it to him anyway if you talk about your son and he should know that it's right to keep your son out of it for now.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 15/11/2011 10:27

He's not right for you.

At the meeting be polite, professional and dignified.

singlevillagemum · 15/11/2011 10:58

Thanks for the reassurances.

I did feel that it came across as a bit odd.

Obviously my mumsnet prayers were answered as his train was cancelled and he missed the meeting, so no uncomfortableness for me!

I think I will just avoid in future. Perhaps I'm not ready for the dating scene yet, or maybe I'm just too old to put up with the nonsense I would have accepted in my 20s!

OP posts:
chubbasmum · 15/11/2011 14:24

lol Singlevillagemum i was going to say i would conviniently miss the meeting unfortunately for you, you might see him again in maybe another meeting ,work contacts never make good dates/love interests

anothermum92 · 15/11/2011 14:52

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