Ex being an arse....help me bite my lip! (sorry a rant)

[Bossybritches22]

Although I have scars from biting it I have to say!

This w/e coming I have the chance to go with the DD's to my mums as my sister is on a flying visit from the US where she lives, & we want to catch up with her & her DC's who are very close to my DD's.

As my friend who usually has our dog , Molly,is away & I knew DH was off work I asked very politely if he could have Molly overnight, he ummed & awwwed , said he'd "think about it". He never got back to me so I decided not to go. In the meantime our old neighbours (who have been lovely to both of us & never taken sides) are having a drinks party on the Sunday, so I accepted.

Funnily enough yesterday I got an email saying he had decided to agree to my request & have Molly. Thus getting me out of the way so he doesn't have me around at the party being sociable to all our old friends. He will not stay in the same room as me if he can help it.

He is being very sociable at the moment (was always anti-social when we were together I was the one who pushed to go out &/or do things) & 2 different chums have commented how he is very lively when he is out. He has also planned a 50th birthday party (he has NEVER done parties, hates them) in our village hall,disco,food,bar etc which the DD's are helping with. I had wantged to that for mine back in Feb but couldn't afford it-he knows this.
All our friends will be there & several have commented that "obviously YOU've not had an invite then??"

He also recently went for a week to Madrid, (not cheap) and he just doesn't DO travel much less culture.

Now whilst I am delighted that he is getting himself a social life, I can't help feeling it's all for show,as if he's proving that he is Ok & that it looks like I was the one holding him back. Also he KNOWS I can't afford to do anything like that as he doesn't help out with the girls expenses other than the basic maintenance (which I know I'm lucky to get don't flame me) & rarely go out as I have a very tight budget. He goes to any do in the village that's on but avoids me if he knows I'm there whereas I'm quite happy to say a civil hello & chat sociably aboout the DD's etc.

He never buys the girls ANYTHING, if he takes them on a rare treat to the cinema they have to buy their own snacks, and he "fines" them small sums of money for minor transgressions at his house, but doesn't give them pocket money. (only found out about this recently still working on that one!!)

I'll stop there, this is sounding pathetic but i'm having a bad week & his behaviour is just the last straw.

What a knob. I have my ex acting the martyr/never out of my hair in the same (tiny) village too, I sympathise.

Apart from the part about him not buying your Dds anything and fining them, the rest of it is none if your business and it sound like you are winding yourself up by letting his lifestyle get to you! Ignore, ignore, ignore!

Sending waves of empathy.
Think your ex and mine read the same manual - 'how to be a grumpy partner and life-of-the-party ex'
Mine lives next door.
I know it is really hard, but, ignore and enjoy your own life without him. (I am having a BIG party in a couple of weeks, at home with pals contributing to grub and booze... Perhaps this would work for you as a belated celebration?)

hairy thank you for your thoughts.

Obviously I do ignore him in RL this was just a rant as it all does get to me at times. It IS my business when his lovely new social life means OUR daughters don't get the new shoes they need for school, have to miss out on schooltrips, etc etc.I take it you don't know/live in a small rural village, where your every move & his is noted,reported back & commented on. Most of the time I can rise above it, but sometimes I just get fed up with being the one that is always nice & civil, while he is down right rude to me, always picking up the pieces when he is tight with the DD's & they come home upset, always doing the extra hours so that they DO get the shoes, the trips they need/ deserve. While he has a reasonable mortgage, a good job &, because he is so tight, spare money & no debts.

sue & Froggies thanks. My ex isn't next door but round the corner & his mother lives in a granny annexe which overlooks my house so she spies on watches us. (know this from things that get back to us)

I'd love to have a party but even if everyone brings something, as a hostess you have to provide a few basic drinks & nibbles,don't you ,& my budget is so tight at the mo with Christmas coming extras aren't possible. I shall try in the NY!

Let him have the dog & go home & see your sister.

It can be very difficult when you both live in the same small community, and it easy to end up isolating yourself, or feeling isolated and paranoid! Very early on I learned to keep my mouth shut when talking to mutual aquaintences never mind friends, as even the most neutral intended comment has been misinterpreted along the gossip vine and come back to bite!
I have heard all sorts of things about me and my kids and the circumstances from folk, and very little of it is correct, so I tend to assume the same about things I hear said about him, and I don't even bother to correct anymore because it makes me feel like a moany bitter ex, which I am not, and I am very careful about what I say or don't say to people who know us both.
I ended up getting outside support, and speaking my family (who were quite relieved when we split up) if I need a moan!
I would go off and see your sister, then have your pals round to you for an evening, after the new year.
Nice and civil is difficult to maintain, I commend you!

Red H -don't worry I'm going! Have told chums having drinkies that I'll catch up with them another time.

froggies oh yes our grapevine did overtime on us for a while. The only time I did the moany bitter ex (outside my few trusted friends) was in the early days when a particularly gossipy neighbour/ post-mistress told me with great glee that Ex-MIL had been in complaining that all her DIL's were "running orf" I informed her that SIL had gone on holiday, & I had in fact been thrown out of the marital home. I left that one to do the rounds & buttoned it from there on in!