not coping very well...

[Happylander]

My partner told me 2 weeks ago over the phone that he has left me, no chance of trying for the sake of me or our son. A few weeks before hand he had bought me flowers, was telling my friends how much he was looking forward to our skiing holiday and how much in love he was with me. All this has come as a complete surprise and although things hadn't been perfect I never for one minute thought he would leave me. Things have not been perfect due to being so stressed with work, lack of money, his divorce taking forever and potentially rather costly and I have PTSD from having my DS. I haven't been the woman he met in Canada and have been unable to be happy all the time.

The trouble is I am all over the place one minute angry and then the next bursting into tears. I am trying to be civil for the sake of DS but I am so bitter about how it has ended and because he won't talk to me face to face yet I am expected to hand over our DS to him with a smile. He has been doing everything through text but not once asked how DS is getting on. He calls him but only speaks for about 30 secs and doesn't ask me anything.

He has thrown my life upside down and I no longer know what parts of our relationship were honest. I am not coping. Financially I will be in the shit and may lose our home.

I am also so angry that he is now doing what the hell he wants while I have to look after our DS. He has a week off after Christmas but will not have DS as he is now going on holiday from Christmas Eve until After New Year and he told me this after saying he has no money to take DS overnight.

I just want to run away.

How old is your ds? Have you had help with the ptsd?

Citizens Advice can help you sort out finances. I expect you are in shock, it will get easier.

He will be 2 on Sunday. I am entitled to only £11 in tax credits a week according CAB.

I have had some help but had to stop for a while as found it extremely distressing. I am waiting for compensation to come through so I can pay for EMDR.

Sounds like you are well rid of the idiot, though it won't feel like that right now. Stop all communication. How old is DS?
Was he married when you met him? If he said not he may have been telling porkies.

Sorry for you and your DS. However, thank god the coward has done a bunk.

Also, yes you must be v worried about money. Why only 11pounds? Do you have savings etc? You need to see a solicitor right away and sort out maintenance for you and ds.

He is paying child support. I work so that is why only £11 per week. I have no savings and although my wage is just above average it does not cover all the bills. I am lucky in that I can do overtime I guess.

He had separated from his wife when I met him. Everything happened very quickly but I really believed he loved me. I have been very horrible to him on the few occasions I have been very very drunk. Shoved him out of bedroom and told him to leave me alone on a few other occasions. He just told me that is what finally did it. I can count on my hand the number of times this has happened in the 3 years we have been together though.

I am having EMDR, through the NHS but maybe depends where you live. I'd really recomend it, sounds like you could do with some help.

Can you move if you can't afford the bills?

What have you got planned for ds's birthday?

I expect there is something more to this, for him, than he is telling you. Its so bloody cruel and shit the way men can just behave like this. There's not much you can do except try to remain calm while, and if, he continues to call to speak to DS. Let that happen. Don't slag him off to your son.

Start concentrating on yourself. And your life with your beautiful son. Yes, you are left to pic up the pieces with your boy but once the rage and misery subsides you will have a little family together and love each other so much.

Do you have RL support - family, either or both, yours and your ex's family? Because he is your Ex. Do you have friends to help out? How are you coping at work? Can you get some phenergen from your GP to help you sleep if you need to?
Thinking of you and your boy.