selfish to want to see new man?

[theseboots]

Separated 2 years, living alone for 6 months.

2 girls, 6 and 7. Coping surprisingly well.

Have dated a few men and now met one who has potential. Torn between not wanting girls to see parade of men (they've met none, bar one platonic friend), but feeling it is pointless spending a year building a relationship only to find man/kids hate each other.

Only known this guy 3 months, but it feels good.

Ex has girls every other weekend and wed nights. New man has hectic job, so can't do weeknights (we have tried).

That leaves every other weekend to see him, I work Sundays on my no kids weekends.

Want to see each other more. So will have to see him with girls.

Is this selfish?

Not if you just present it to them as a friend.

At their age, they don't need to know he's someone special. He's just one of mummy's friends. You can get away with him being one of Mummy's friends for ages. Even if he sometimes has sleepovers, because he's missed his last bus, or his car wouldn't start, or he realised he'd had too much wine to drink, or he was too tired to go home so thought he'd just stay... etc. etc.

It takes DC's of your children's age absolutely ages to cotton on to the fact that he's a proper boyf. If they do, you'll be in a serious relationship anyway by that time, if they don't, no harm done, kids often meet our adult friends they never meet again, don't they?

EleanorRathbone
Thank you.
That's the response I hoped for.
Made the mistake of phoning my 'married for ever' retired parents to get an opinion and they shot me down. Despite not telling me until after I left ex that they'd never liked him. (?!)
Have had him stay once, they helped me make up his bed downstairs, but inevitably the youngest came into my bed at 6am and said, "Who's that?"
I said "That's X" and she said "OK" without batting an eyelid.
Mummy having friends is such a revelation to them that I am encouraged to feel i am not the only one who feels the bf distinction is irrelevant.
Thanks again!
xxx

Glad to be of assistance.

Go forth and ... well, enjoy yourself.

I know where your coming from theseboots. My DC's have met lots of their Dad's girlfriends and I don't want to be the same. They have met 2 boyfiends in th5 years since I split from my XH and I have just met someone else and on one hane I am reluctant to introduce him yet I am also aware that a huge part of who I am is a Mum and don't want to spend too long dating him before the kids meet his as I would like to be sure that they will get on. Like Elanour says your DC's are young and so you can probably introduce him as a friend for quite a while.

I introduced my DS who was then 9 to my new partner. We had been seeing each other for 9 months before the meet. I always maintained I would never introduce anyone to my kids (eldest was then 16, so not really an issue) unless it was for keeps. Three years later we split...

I don't think there is necessarily a right 'amount' in terms of time period, more that it 'feels right'. Alas there is no guarantee in relationships, however,if he is of good moral standing, solvent, and is aware of your responsibility as a parent, then go for it.

Just to say...mine had all those attributes and it still didn't last!

Introduce him as a friend and watch how he interacts with your kids, probably where my one failed miserably.

I hope it all works out..it's so hard all this lark isn't it

It is very hard. As it stands tonight, there is no arrangement for this weekend.
I'm getting cold feet about the whole thing, haven't had an emotional attachment for so long, not sure I can handle it.

Also very wary of putting to much weight on his shoulders, he has no kids, ex was career driven, think he would've liked some.
Yet another potential stumbling block, I'm on the 'never again' side of the fence.

Bit of a downer really.

Just watched Hannah Montana, The Movie, with girls, and ended up in tears at the 'It's the Climb' bit.
Bloody emotional wreck!

Also relate to WillIEverBeASizeTen re things being for keeps.
Thought that was what their dad would be! Guess you never can tell.

Zanywany I'm still struggling to match the two halves of my new life, on one hand I'm a single, childless woman who hits the town and stays in bed the following day until lunchtime. On the other hand I'm doing the school run, homework, packed lunches and nit-combing. How much of this do I want to mix?!

How much of this will make him run a mile?!

Thanks for the replies.

Don't sweat it.

You either like each other or you don't. It will work if you both want to make it work and if one of you doesn't... well then it won't.

Worrying about it will not make it working or not, more or less likely.

Enjoy this weekend!

UPDATE:
He's still on the scene and I have chilled out massively.
Realistically, I'm not ready for anything heavy and we are having a lot of fun together without needing to put labels on it all.
Done the Christmas lights thing in London, holding hands and skipping happily through the glitter.
Thanks.
xx

happy glitter skipping