just need to talk to someone that wont judge

[booboo2010]

My fiance and I were together for 3 year and we have a 20 month old son yesterday I found he had join to dating sites. He came up with excuses but I can't be with him coz no matter the excuse it doesn't add up I feel like I can't trust him but if I move out I will have nothing and I don't want my son to be without before I saw the dating sites our relationship was breaking down what should I do any advice will be appericated

That sucks :-( I think you're right to be thinking about moving on.

There will be plenty of good advice coming in a minute from people who've been in your situation. So hang in there.

There are agencies you should be starting to contact, as well as support groups. Your soon-to-be-ex will be liable to pay 15% of his net income to you.

If your fiancée is on dating sites I agree there isn't really much hope for the relationship. What a lowlife.

Just wanted to offer sympathies.

Do you have any friends / family around who'd help ?

if you want to leave, there are lots of ways to manage the process of doing so.

if you do choose to leave, or ask him to leave, you won't have nothing.

there are lots of different financial avenues you can try for support. To get an idea, you can put in various scenarios to a site called Entitled To, which will give you some idea of what your finances might be like.

if you don't want to leave, or think you'd like to try and rebuild the relationship, you could try Relate, and also post on the Relationships section of the site - lots of great people there for support.

maybe talk through, or splurge here what your specific concerns are and people will try and help.

You're not on your own.

Sending a very unmumsnetty hug.

That's awful. You poor thing. Those wake up and smell the coffee moments are SO horendous. I know it's really hard to start again, but the sooner you start, the sooner you put it behind you.

one of the things i was MOST afraid of in the run up to leaving and making that final decision was that I would regret it, but I have NEVER EVER REGRETTED LEAVING

Nearly five years ago I was HMMING and hawing, miserable, afraid, plucking up the courage to leave an abusive man. Now I don't know why that took 'courage' as life improved the second I made the decision. It was hard knowing I'd be starting again with nothing and two tiny children. when I left him I had nothing. NOT a pot to piss in quite literally. It's been a slow road but every single year since I left I've had that feeling that i'm making progress. That things are getting BEtter NOT worse. I know it was different for me because by the time i made that decision to leave it was more about survival. NOT betrayal or a broken heart. Since I left my x with nothing, I've saved some money, I'm two years into a course, have learned to drive, relocated, made some new friends.

the adjustment is hard change is hard. Starting again is hard. It does take bravery. But get the uphill change BEHIND you and it's downhill then, iyswim.