Deadbeat dad

[tashies]

I have recently split from my ex who has an ongoing drug problem is abusive toward me and has no patience for our 18 month old son . He works an away roster of 4 weeks on 1 week off the last 2 times since we split he has come back to SA and taken drugs and not seen his son but continues to ring me to speak to him when he's back at work to act as if he cares about him. He is refusing to give me child support. I don't want my son dissapointed by his dad in life and am going to stop him from seeing him. I no he has a right to but I feel like I'm just looking out for my son to save him the heart ache and pain. What are your thoughts

tashies - it's a long road ahead,nearly another 16 years of raising your son. Your XP may be a deadbeat, he may be the most useless barsteward that ever walked the earth.

However, forget about your ex's rights. Your son has a right to know his father - every child has that right.Do not be the person that takes that right from him. You will not be saving him from heartache and pain by keeping his dad out of his life, you will be adding to the pain as he grows up. It doesn't mean that you have to be a doormat, just give your ex the opportunity to see his son - if he doesn't take it, there's nothing much you can do. At least you tried for your son's sake. People do change, your ex may show more interest in his son as he grows older, of course, he may lose interest altogether, you just don't know what will happen.

Contact the CSA to get child support. Your ex should be paying.

Could you make it so that indirect contact is to be made on a consist and regular basis ie skype, letters etc. Your son could then at least get to keep those letters for the future. Should he maintain this then supervised contact if his drug problem/aggression is still an issue and then if he remains consist and regular and no aggression/drug use when with your DS.

I appreciate that Fathers shouldn't have to earn the right to see their children but if it is in the best interest where drugs etc is used I think he should show that he is interested in staying consistant.

By your mention of SA intaking it your living in South Africa do you have any way of ensuring that your son gets the financial support that he is entitled to?

Your son has a right to be kept safe so it would be sensible not to agree to any unsupervised contact while this drug problem is ongoing.

However, if your ex wants contact, you won't be able to stop it. It may have to be supervised contact to begin with. It may be better for your son to have contact with this father and make up his own mind about him rather than have him resent you later in life for not allowing him to get to know his dad. As long as he has a strong attachment to you, your son will do alright in life whatever his father does.

I don't know about SA but here in the UK preventing contact altogether is often interpreted as hostile by the courts and it is usually better to agree (or ask the courts to impose) measures to ensure safe contact eg That way you are seen to be protecting the child rather than hostile.

eg indirect contact through letters, cards, phone and internet; supervised contact at a contact centre or by a family member or friend.

I'm in Australia south Australia I no
He has a right to
His father and if he takes it to court I'm sure he will only get supervised visits he's a worthless father