CAFCASS - how do you get them involved?

[lemonstartree]

My ex is manipulative and tells our 3DS all kinds of stuff about me. He also 'grills' them about what I am doing, and confuses them. The kids are 13, 9 & 6. I don't want to stop his contact, I just want him to stop taking about me/questioning and confusing the children. How does one get CAFCASS involved, and what is your experience of them.

He is an ( allegedly) dry alcoholic and drug taker who has a history of abuse to both me and the kids (police records available)

you could call them locally and ask them how to self refer or if they can advise,.

have you got a court order in place?

but to be honest no one can control someone else not you no cafcass - very hard to stop him sayihg things - all you can do is counter what he says calmly and say the true facts.

what do you want cafcass to do?

if you not planning / do not need to stop contact (or make sure it supervsied in some way) then you just have to find a way to support the children - you could ask locally eg GP about fmaily therapists?

CAFCASS are to help the court understand the issues affecting children and to represent them in court. It's ok having two grown parents in court but it maybe the case that neither of them is representing the interests of the children. Therefore CAFCASS will be involved when you goto family proceedings court of some issue which will affect the children such as contact.

It's all automatic CAFCASS will be asked to understand what the issues are and will report back to the court at the initail preliminary hearing, this usually is where the clark of the court will listen to the parties including CAFCASS and at this hearing they will make a decition if CAFCASS will have any further involvement in the case. They maybe recalled by the court at subsequent hearing if they are not involved after the preliminary hearing to make reports on any specific issues that get raised during a hearing.

Hope that helps.

so, as ExH and I are already divorced and ostensibly agreed on arrangements for the children through mediation, I would have to go to Court to get CAFCASS involved?

yes - but you could instead involve a trained mediator to raise the issues; or family therapist; separated parents course etc. those are also other arenas where you could riase the issues and maybe hear ex's view etc

eg
www.tccr.org.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=93:parenting-together-service&catid=35:counselling-a-psychotherapy-services&Itemid=95 maybe similar in your local area ask gp

PLEASE research all you can on Cafcass b4 getting them involved. Try reading some of the posts posted previously on here and think twice.. They will always try to give the other parent as much contact as possible esp if they are no longer drinking/drugs... they will see this as the other parent making an effort and not being a danger to the children. Previous abuse will not really matter if no arrests were made. All im saying is your research on Cafcass first please for the sake of your children's future.

Some women's aid groups have outreach children's workers. I have one who works with my two older children (15&6), she is fantastic. Initially she only worked with the eldest, who doesn't see ExP at all. The younger 2 see him twice a week and have done since we split (10 months) and she started seeing DD1 about 5 months ago as I was concerned about her behaviour and some of her comments whenever she came home after a visit - angry, teary, a lot of which was directed towards little sis, and not the norm at home.
If there has been abuse, and clearly his behaviour is still having it's impact on your kids and therefore you, it might be worth giving them a call? They may also be able to point you towards other avenues of help, as they deal with this kind of thing, sadly, every day.

Hi I’m a single mum to a wonderful little girl but I have really bad mental health and my dad and step mum pressured me into getting a prohibited steps order, have now kicked me out and stopped me from seeing her does anyone know if I can contact cafcass myself or if they need to contact me

CAFCASS are a mixed bag. They are fab if you get a good officer, horrifying if you get a bad one (e.g. MRA, parental alienation theory etc). I got lucky with a really good one for the full report, but had one who leaned the parental alienation direction for the initial interview - it could have gone entirely the other direction essentially on the flip of a coin.

Work with them if you have no choice, but I would try to avoid unless there is no other way.

It's a high stakes gamble.

I have to say we had a fantastic cafcass officer. We're only at the start of court proceedings and had the safeguarding letter from them but the officer we had was fantastic and saw right through my ex. We have a section 7 coming up later in the year and hopefully for a good cafcass officer then.