I left the father of my 14m child 6 weeks ago and am struggling to arrange access for him to see our dd.
We were best friends/housemates who had a misguided fling and i fell pregnant. We decided to raise her together and tried being a couple but he broke it off whilst i was still pregnant saying that there was too much pressure to start a relationship under and we should concentrate on the baby first. I understood this as his overbearing mother was pushing us to marry and interfering hugely.
My pregnancy was a difficult time. He was having a very trouble at work, i was very depressed and had a hard pregnancy. I was all over the place emotionally and things between us were bad. I felt he was lying to me and after a long time of denials and arguments he admitted he had started seeing someone. I was gutted he had being lying to me and making me feel like i was being clingy and paranoid. We were not a couple so its not like he cheated on me so there was no need to lie but i understood that as it was a very stressful time he didnt want to bring it up. The relationship broke up about the time i gave birth.
When dd was born all my fears and depression vanished and the three of us were really happy. Still we were not together but we were getting on great as friends. Then his work started being stressful again, money was tight and he began being snappy and argumentative towards me. It went from one thing to another that was stressing him and he took it out on me. When he calmed down from a row he would apologise and say that me and dd were the most important thing to him blah blah blah. We made plans for the future and he started to enthusiastically get the flat done up for me and baby, working out the logistics of us raising her together as friends. At the same time however i started getting the feeling i was being lied to again. I asked him repeatedly. No nothing was going on. Hmmm.
Our tenancy came to an end and i said that it was the perfect time to discuss whether we wanted to live together still, if things were changing etc. No he was happy and he signed us up for another year. All he wanted was dd and me there with him. Time went on an his behaviour was increasingly erratic and manic. Still he wouldnt talk. He was lying to me still and i knew he was seeing someone but he wouldnt tell me. I was moving on with my life and trying to juggle motherhood, my part time job and getting a tiny bit of social life. What he did or who he dated was his business, i wouldnt have argued about it, i just wanted to know the truth.
The final straw came when i was working one day and he text me saying x was coming over to watch a film. I didnt know x but he had dropped her name into conversation twice in two days so i presumed that this was the gf. I had had a really hard day at work, i was feeling ill and had a suspected fractured foot so i text him saying if you are looking for a cosy night in can you go to hers as i am coming home and dont want to be in the way (i sleep in living room as its a 2 bed flat and baby snores). He replied er its not like that silly. So i toddle off home and the minute i walk through the door i realise it is just like that. I didnt see x as she was in his room but i have a noisy row with him saying "why did you tell me i wouldnt be in the way when you are now holed up giggling in your room with your gf? You baby is in the next room!" Stormed off back to work (pub) and stayed out till we hours of the morning in a foul mood. When i woke the next day i found out that his GF was still there. He had her spend the night! I was livid. To my mind it is unthinkable to have gf/bf stay over with a baby in the flat? We had discussed it before and i said i didnt care what he got up to but we should keep our love lives away from the flat. That was our home and baby should not be confused by other people being there when she got up. He had not even told me he had a girlfriend, let alone introduced her or discussed having her around the flat. I told him either she left or me and DD would. He put DD's coat on 
I went to my friends and the next day when he was at work moved all our stuff out. He spoke to my friend crying his eyes out saying what could he do to fix it but then said he wanted us to live apart but it was difficult to talk to me. He had been seeing OW 6 months!!
I am utterly gutted he could behave so disrespectfully towards his child and me and refused to see him. For 5 weeks the friend i am staying with dropped DD off twice a week for access, going out of her way to drop her off before uni, pick her up at night and put her to bed ( i was at work). This was until he kicked off at friend and spoke to her like shit. Not something you do to this woman who was his friend long before mine. She would no longer help. I text to say he could pick DD up from my friend at work or make his own arrangements. He said fine but then went onto a rant about how he had no other option as i had walked out on him and all the utility bills i had run up 
and he had no money. I reminded him it was his choices that had made me leave and that i would only discuss access. If he carried on blaming me he should go to mediation as i would not talk to him. So he then said he couldnt afford to live as i said he could not have DD if he got a new flatmate ( i just said he couldnt have people around the flat when he had DD there) and i had walked away scott free. Scott free??? I am now single handledly raising and paying for our DD, working and sleeping on a sofa whilst i try to save for a flat!
So the situation is unless i take DD around he cant do access. He can no longer pick her up from work as my boss (friend) has barred him after seeing the state i got in trying to arrange access. She wants to kill him. He has made no suggestions on how to handle this. I cant see him. I will quite possible throttle him and i doubt it will pass with out an argument which would be in front of DD.When i try to make arrangements he starts arguments then denies fighting and says he is only explaining his situation and that DD is the most important thing to him. I dont know what to do. He is being manipulative and impossible to talk to (funnily enough he has cut his mother out of his life for exact same thing)
I dont want to stop him seing DD but i am finding dealing with him impossible. I have said he needs to arrange access through external mediation and that access is off til then. I feel terrible now, he should be seeing her today. I have always tried to be respectful and understanding towards him. He was my best friend who i loved more than anything in the world but i dont recognise him now and he doesnt seem to care about the effect his behaviour has on me. I know i have to resolve this for my daughter but i dont know how. If he cant text me without starting on me about money how can i trust him not to do it in front of DD? I am heartbroken and exhausted.
Sorry so long x