Creeping resentment

[Happydogsaddog]

Have coped very well up until now, stiff upper lip and all that, shocked when people say oh sorry to hear you've split up etc. Now I am starting to resent the fact that he has walked away and I am left with three small children (oldest turned 3 last month), I've been through the emotions at the time but now, I'm starting to feel snappy, every day seems harder, like the list of priorities just grows. Used to be keep the children, clean, fed and happy. Now it's evolving each day, remember this, remember that, don't give them this, make sure the meals I plan are healthy (hell I couldn't even cook until DD1 was weaned), those jeans aren't dry, find others, can't find others, no matching socks, why are there no matching shoes in the shoe basket, 2 Charlie and Lola wellies, 1 size 5, 1 size 8, why's your face covered in chocolate? What's matted in your hair? Playgroup starts in 20 minutes, oh you've got your hands full, well yours aren't, hold this! Being out is bad but not nearly as bad as home; who's opened the door to the trick or treaters (mummy's fault for not locking the door) no I don't have any treats for you as I forgot them when I was trying to swerve the chocolate aisle (tried shopping with a Phil and Ted and tempermental trolley? - Push Pull Push Pull) why are you so grouchy DS? Oh yes, you think its 8 o'clock and you should have been in bed an hour ago however you couldn't go to bed an hour as we had only just got back (At 6 o'clock GMT), why won't you settle? Ah yes Daddy gives you a bottle when Mummy has been sleep training you for a week to go to sleep without a bottle (He is over 13months - DS not Daddy), DD2 you are still up because you can't go to sleep at the same time as DD1 because you pissball about (not those exact words but those exact actions) - oh you've done a poo, not in the potty and not told me either. Please tell me it gets better and a worse fate awaits him!

Sorry for the rant, feel a hell of a lot better now!

Three kids under three must be very very hard work on your own. It would be weird if you were coping well! Hope you've got lots of support from family and friends.

Not much help from family, no friends around here (few acquaintances from the playground of playgroup but probably not friend material), I've always been stubborn independant, wary of authority, went to the GP around the time of the split and he shattered any confidence by instantly uttering the dreaded SS! (I think this was purely on the assumption I wasn't, ahem, well to do like most of his patients in our leafy North London suburb) Cheeky bastard - I was having panic attacks not that the consultation had got that far, I simply mentioned I'd split with their Dad and things weren't great... That said, have moved to new area and GP recently and talking to (extremely grounded, Cockney GP - was quite amusing TBH) her she asked about my family and I found myself saying "They're all mental and I try to stay as far away as possible" whereas I normally say "Oh yes they're fantastic, always helping out" utter bollocks and more surprisingly she replied, you're better off then, you'll find you get on better without them (High five to her)

Anyway thatlldo I think my delusion has finally cracked and I want someone to fix my rose-tinted glasses - its not going to happen, is it?

Hmmmm could you ask your health visitor to refer you to homestart for a few hours of help per week.

Sorry your GP was the opposite of helpful.

It does get better, they get older - you just have to train them to be very helpful...

Its hard but it gets easier, you might even enjoy being single once you've cracked a new routine that suits you all.

As for trying to shop with them all have you tried doing your main shop online, Ive never tried it personally but it could help.

Have a look for Surestart groups if there are any in your area I find my DD is alot easier to look after whilst out particularly if were having a manic/destructive morning indoors.

Also look to see if you can find a Gingerbread group in your area you may be able to get some support/sound off with people who know where your coming from.

Thanks ladies, used to attend a Homestart Stay and Play session, much preferred to council run ones, might start going again. I try to get the main shop done online, but find it easier (need head examined for this) to just go, do it and bring it home, I don't really mind it TBH, the kids are great, the older two are really helpful, just find it overwhelming sometimes, the amount of responsibility and co-ordinating, feeling much better now than I did an hour ago, got an old friend popping by soon so great motivation to straighten up our humble abode, not too much to tidy thank god. I think I've got a grip on most of it, just a little frustrated sometimes, thanks for hearing me though

You sound like you're doing incredibly well. I'm a lone parent with one 2 year old and I regularly find it overwhelming! Playgroups give everyone a change of scene for a couple of hours which might give you a welcome breather. Church playgroups are full of lovely mature ladies who help lots and if you're not religious, just don't join in with the singing at the end, they won't mind.

I was alone parent for twelve years and each stage brings it's own problems but I think you get better at dealing with them and finding ways to balance things out. It helps to have a sense of humour and this is nearer the truth than a lot of us would care to admit;

STIDW that's amazing, never seen it before yet it seems to have met me before lol. Am listening to DS cry himself out, could really kick ExH right about now, undermining, giving in, all easy for him, oh feel that anger bubbling up again. Will. Not. Give. In. Escaping to the cold for a ciggie :)

My god, I'm so impressed you actually get out of the house- it takes nearly 2 hours for me to get one 22mo and a 9yo out, and then I normally find out one of them has a mucky face/unbrushed hair anyway. It is going to get so much easier for you as they get older (when I just have 9yo, we actually have great fun doing all sorts of things now (climbing, horseriding, it's great the stuff you can get into through kids that you might not otherwise), and just generaly chilling together with pizza and chocolate, and she does actually brush her hair when not distracted by me chasing round house getting the younger one to actually wear clothes). You're doing a huge job, even childminders don't have that adult-child ratio for under 3s, and sounds like you're doing it as well as lots of us who don't have anything like as much responsibility.

OMG, I'm a single mother to one (and exhausted), what on earth possessed you to have 3 in 3 years....

Sorry, not helpful, just curious....

I take my hat off to you anyway! You must be an amazingly strong woman!

Just see it as a hard time now, it will get better, they'll bring each other up in a few years time....