Finally, exH got the message that I would only talk to him face to face with a mediator present, so he's approached a local family mediation service and I've got my one-to-one next week.
We've mediated twice before. Once, at the time of our divorce, when the mediator suspended one of the sessions because exH was being argumentative and rude to him (exH also followed this by complaining to the service that the mediator was bias against him!).
the second time was about 18 months ago when our parenting/care arrangements broke down. I approached mediation, he said he couldn't afford it, so I paid both my own fees and his. We reached an agreement about our responsibilities and behaviour towards each other and DD, which was documented. Since then, he has repeatedly breached aspects of the agreement to suit himself, and I've just dealt with the fallout with DD as best I can. Everything goes fine between us as long as it goes his way - if I have a different opinion, his method of "discussion" consists of trying to persuade, demand and then bully or blackmail me into doing things the way he wants them to be done.
Anyway, the problem is that the means-testing that determines how much I will be charged for each session takes into account DP's income as well as mine. I was made redundant 6 months ago, and despite working two P/T jobs and running my own business, DP has been supporting me and DD, as I earn very little. The fee I will be charged for each session is more than I can afford (each one is several weeks pay) - but the expectation is that DP will pay, because he's earning.
If I thought that it would do any good, then I know that DP would find the money, but exH took absolutely no notice of the last agreement reached in mediation (which I paid for), so why should this one be any different? I really don't know if there is any point.
I realise that mediation is supposed to be a cheaper option than thrashing things out in court, but if exH takes me to court to try and get residency of DD, then I'm fully prepared to represent myself, as DP and I can't afford solicitors and barristers fees.
[as background, DD10 has had a 50:50 care arrangement for over 2 years, which I am prepared to continue with. the only "change" I have made to the arrangement between exH and myself is that I will only deal with him by email, and I am now taking day-to-day responsibility for BD as if I were the court ordered resident parent i.e. claiming Tax Credits/ child benefit and ensuring that this is her "home" address for the purposes of council/government administration. Up until now, these issues have been shared and "discussed"]