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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How do you spend ur time when kids are on a contact w/e?

14 replies

erin34 · 22/10/2011 22:01

Hello, I just wondered how others spend their weekends / times when the children are with ex?

It took me a while to adjust to not having my children every other w/e. (Alot of crying went on and alot of tissue boxes gone through.)
I split over 2 yrs ago but it feels like it was just yesterday. It was me who wanted the split, but he was very unhappy too. I am not in any way missing him or wanting to get back with him, no way. He was very controlling and angry most of the time.

Some weekends I clean like crazy, getting alot of stuff done so the house is nice for when the children get back on Sunday night. Others, like this one, I spend most of the time in bed. I read in bed, feel absolutely crap, just want to blot my life out - so sleeping is good.

Anyone else do this? I don't have any friends to visit, only my mum. I always want my children back because on a weekend when I'm with them I'm up and ready and we go and do things. Just feeling pretty cruddy right now.

Thanks

OP posts:

fluffythevampirestabber · 22/10/2011 22:07

Well are we talking before or after the arrival of The Upgrade?

If it's before then clean house, study (I'm doing a degree), wash, iron, and go out with friends for coffee/dinner/drinks.

After the arrival of The Upgrade, shag the arse clean off him for the entire weekend. He is making me [cuppa] as I type....

It will get better sweetheart, I promise. I found it really hard for quite a long time. It really isn't a bad thing to be kind to yourself and spend the weekend doing not very much indeed.

fluffythevampirestabber · 22/10/2011 22:07

That was supposed to be FFS

fizzfiend · 23/10/2011 00:09

Lucky Fluffy, but really relieved to see your post erin. Because I have done bugger all all day. Feel really crap, bored. It's crazy because I would have killed for such a weekend before. Just can't galvanise myself to do anything although there is so much I could be doing (jobs and great kid-free things).

I thought it was just me being rubbish. At least there are two of us now! I guess this is the period of adjustment (she says trying to sound positive but feeling lost)

privatename · 23/10/2011 09:44

Not going to upgrade again!

I'm the same op,i love finally having some time to myself and sometimes i make good use of it,other times i just mope about my flat,come on mn,sleep etc...it's going to take time.

TastyMuffins · 23/10/2011 20:31

Aww, I want an Upgrade [hsad]. If my ex actually arranged proper contract weekends I would be out trying to find one. Or painting the house, dealing with the clean washing mountain, going to the pub, going shopping unaccompanied, having a lie in, meeting up with friends, gardening, studying, upgrading my computer, rearranging DS's bedroom, sorting out the loft... Must keep this list handy for when DS actually gets to spend a day or two with his Dad.

NOmeansNO · 24/10/2011 21:43

at first it was studying for me. took up OU.

then it was sports. mountain biking. I bike friday night from 6pm till midnight(stopping in pub for a few), saturday have the kids for a few hours and i do my shopping, haircuts things, etc. sat night out with friends, then sunday 9am till 7pm biking again.

thank goodness new fella i met biking. as its only time we see each other. that and the odd midweek sneak into mine when kids are here and off early. I have no time at all now between work FT, studying and biking. I may possibly need LESS things in my spare time

Lucy88 · 25/10/2011 09:45

I love my DS to bits, but do look forward to having every other weekend to do my own thing. I do lots of different things - have my hair done, catch up on my sleep, go to a football match, do lunch with the girls, clean the house, read a book, have an afternoon pub crawl, do DIY, go away over night.

I found it very difficult to start with, as I didn't know what to do with myself, so I wrote a list of all the things I could do (which helped). Now I find it hard to fit everything in.

singlevillagemum · 25/10/2011 11:52

I think I manage better on the w/e than in the holidays. Although that is porbably because ex can only organise himself to have him Sunday afternoons.

At the moment [half term] he is gone for 3 nights & 3 days [late sunday night to later wednesday evening] and I find myself offering to work double shifts just so that I'm really tired by the time I get in and just go to bed.

I also do the whole cleaning thing, plus doing stuff for my son [like hemming his new school trousers to the right length, finally sewing on that swimming badge etc] as it keeps me feeling 'mummy' if that makes sense.

I find the nights the hardest though, as most of the time my son co-sleeps [always has done since he was a baby] so sometimes I wake in the night and have a mini-panic until I remember where he is!

SaggyHairyArse · 25/10/2011 13:33

When the kids are with their father, I am usually studying, cleaning or decorating - oh what an exciting life I lead!

When he has them over night its because i've got a night out planned so sometimes I go out with my friends but that is a rarity really.

Maybee · 05/11/2011 00:00

I usually find stuff to do but never enjoy myself as wholeheartedly as i would like to. i feel a little empty without my dc so I guess i need a hobby. isn't it funny the hold kids have on you? last time I went off and test drove a car. I always organise the house and clean clean clean. And I go for long walks but feel v exposed on my own. It is getting better.

gettingeasier · 05/11/2011 07:14

For the first 6 months I just made sure I was fully booked with friends or doing things. For a while I made a point of doing things that were out of the ordinary for me like going to an auction in the local church hall, art exhibitions or random local events. This was to be busy but also to push me out of my comfort zone a bit and feel challenged.

After the 6 months I began to really look forward to my me time and now almost 2 years in I love it as I usually have plans of some kind or if not then some peace and quiet and time where no demands are made on me is heaven.

Dont be shy about asking friends to meet even though they may have families and you think you shouldnt ask , I found several were more than happy to support me and also in some cases it turned out maybe they were very happy to escape their dhs

I know its nice to have the time to organise and clean etc and some of that is nice but really try and think about what you can do for you yourself to get back to remembering you arent just a mum but yourself as well iyswim ?

gettingeasier · 05/11/2011 07:17

Ok sorry reread your OP and you say you dont have any friends

Honestly then I would make changing that your top priority

Maybee · 05/11/2011 18:52

I don't know that many people yet either as I've moved although i'm closer to family and kind of half know people who are usually v welcoming but often tied up with work or family themselves. Sometimes I kind of cherish silence and not having to respond to anyone. My 3 boys are quite young so there's lots of questions to answer. I am however on a quest to become more sociable so i intend to make an effort to do a bit more in my free time. I found a walking group which i intend to join next sat when x is in town.

Are you in a city or town? I'm in quite a small town and as much as i love it I sometimes miss the city life where it was easy to be anonymous and do more things.
Hello getting how are you these days?

AmIthatbad · 05/11/2011 20:06

TastyMuffins me too, would love to upgrade, but never get weekends to myself. Me and DD do girlie things together, but I never get time free.

If I did, first thing would be to go back to bed and have the longest lie in for 12 years...............followed by doing as much or as little as I felt like.

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