I feel like crying sometimes, or screaming ..... what ever comes first.

[Peter0001]

Hello Mumsnet,

I have not seen or spoken to my children since December and it's killing me. In December my ex stopped contact for no reason what so ever. In almost every letter my solicitor sends my ex she asks "what was your reason for stopping contact" but she never gives a reason. My ex takes a minimum of six weeks to respond to my solicitors letters. She has failed on three seperate occasions to attended mediation, her reasons for not attending mediation "it's inconvenient" I finally have a date for court but thats not until January. My ex is now trying to change the date, time and venue. Cafcass and the childrens school have been fantastic. I have parental responsibilties so I have no trouble in keeping up to date with there education. Contact with my children was never a problem until my ex got married. I don't know what I've done wrong. I now suffer with depression and top all that off ..... I have just turned 31. I feel like crying sometimes, or screaming ..... what ever comes first.

Are fathers welcome here?

Yes. I'm a father and I got loads of good advice and support here.

I wouldn't worry about being 31. That's pretty young in general terms. Wait till you hit 40.

As for your situation. That's horrendous. I have heard of similar cases. Happened to a guy I work with. He went to court and actually ended up with full custody.

... there is a Legal section on Mumsnet too.. you may want to post there too.

If your ex has failed to attend mediation, the judge will take a very dim view of her I think. What kind of access are you hoping for ?

My brother went through something similar. If you have had ongoing regular contact with your children & everything has been fine - then it probably isn't anything that you have done wrong. Small consolation, I know. Make sure you get some help with the depression, so that your mental strength isn't sapped & don't let her know you are depressed, as she could set hares running with mental health issues.
If there have never been any problems with your contact, then the courts will award you contact again. It is a great shame you have to wait until January - keep pushing to see if you can get the date moved sooner - they do get cancellations.

My solicitor has already wrote to the courts. The first letter was to try and get the court date bought forward. The second letter was to appeal against my ex trying to get the court date delayed.

Cafcass have said that a court will grant me access. The kind of access i'm hoping for is what i'm legally intitled to. I would like a minimum of every other weekend.

Contact was fine before all this, there was never a problem, I could pretty much see them when I wanted to.

Other than a bleak wait until the court date, you should get access. My brother was able to use a contact centre when his ex was being particulary obstructive. Its not great, but it may be a way of trying to just see the children.
Just out of interest, what would happen if you knocked at your ex's door or waited to see them at school pick up?

I have thought about going to a parents evening that I was invited to but people told me not to go. I think people are worried that she will kick off if I just turn up at the school or her home. The last thing I want to do is give her something to use against me.

Nobody has ever mentioned a contact centre to me. I have heard of them but I thought they were for parents that were a risk to there children.

Yes, contact centres are supervised - but they don't have to be for "at risk" children. If your ex is trying to make out that you are not fit to parent or such like, then it might be away of at least maintaining some kind of contact.
Are you in touch with your ex's parents? Would they be able to intercede for you with her?

Peter. A court will act in the best interests of the children. And it's well understood that a child benefits from having both their parents in their life. Your ex is denying your kids this, and assuming you're not some mad child snatcher you will get access restored.

There is no set legal entitlement. But from what you've said, I'd imagine a judge will take a very very dim view of your ex if she has denied your kids access to their dad for no reason. You may well be granted more access than the 'average' alternate weekends.

In an ideal world would you go for more than the alternate weekend ?

You need to try and stay strong for your kids. I can't see how one could avoid depression in your situation, but try and stay strong. Look to friends and family for support, and try and focus on the future you'll have with your children once this is sorted out.

It sounds like she's got married and wants to play happy families with her new husband without you in the picture.

I really advise you to post in the legal section if you haven't already. There may be a way to see your kids between now and the court case.

... and there is nothing wrong with a bloke crying.

Sorry you're going through this. My husband is going through the same thing with his ex and kids... he's not seen them for 2 months. In our case it's because their mother has emotionally blackmailed them and made it 'not ok' to see daddy because it makes her upset that he's moved on from their divorce.

It's so unfair when certain mothers use their kids as bargaining tools. There are so many fathers out there who are desperate to see their kids but can't because the mum is not allowing it.

I hope you manage to see them soon. And MrGin is right, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a bloke crying

... or being 31 :o

... which sadly I'm not.

Peter - this kind of behaviour makes me so angry.
My ex had and affair, left us, had run up debts i have ended up paying off, generally been a twunt and has never paid a penny in maintenence in the 4 years since we separated but i would never stop him from seeing ds. Ds adores his dad and although he is crap with money and treated me very badly since we split he is brilliant with our son and i think its important that he is in ds life. I would not care if i never saw my ex again and at times he has made me so upset and angry about things he has done and said but he is ds dad and i put my feelings aside for our sons sake.
Unless a father poses as a risk to children then is very unfair.

Bugsy2 I've not spoken to my ex girlfriend's parents for years. There not even living in England anymore. There in Spain somewhere I think. They moved to Spain after me and my ex split up. I know there is nothing wrong with a bloke crying but if I cry then in my head she has won because she has broken me. I know it all sounds very sad but thats the way I feel.

Mrgin Cafcass have said the same as you "The courts will do whats in the best interest of the children" No i'm not a mad child snatcher. I explained to cafcass that I have concerns about what my ex is telling them when the children ask "wheres dads" Cafcass told me not to worry to much about something I have no control over. In an ideal world, yes, I would go for more then every other weekend. I believe that my ex thinks she has replaced me. It feels like I have had the door slammed in my face.

I tell you what really pi**ed me of - David Cameron saying that "absent fathers should be treated like drink drivers" and he chose fathers day to say it. What a moron. On fathers day my parents sent my ex a fathers day card for me. The idea is - my parents send a card, with postage so it wont cost my ex anything, then she sends it back - she didnt even do that for me. She done the same at christmas and my birthday.

Tallypet I hope your husband gets to see his children soon. It's awful not being able to contact your children, so I know how he feels.

Feelingold I hate fathers that don't want contact with there children. Theres me fighting to see mine yet there are guys out there that couldnt give a toss about there kids. I'm pleased that your ex is a good father.

Join Families Need Fathers, they are fantastic. They have local groups so you can talk to someone face to face, and a support line. Make sure your sol asks for an interim contact order at the first court date to reinstate the previous level of contact.

Good Luck - I have pm'd you.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Mine is similar - almost no contact (her choice) since May but my solicitor has applied for a Court Order.
How close are you to your kids? My ex is in Swindon and I'm in Newquay - imagine those weekend arrangements!