Any single parents by choice?

[Fishpants]

I am going down this route and would love to hear from some others who have been there / are there who can share any tips / concerns. The 'donor' is a known friend who wants to see the child fairly frequently and I do have some other lovely male role models who are excited to make a commitment to being in the child's life too.

I'm a bit worried about the stigma, more so for the little one than myself, but I'm only human I guess.

Yes I'm a single mother by choice with a DD who is now 13- it's definately the best decision I ever made. My daughter has never wished she had a Dad; sometimes when she was younger she found it hard to know what to say when other kids asked about her Dad, but it wasn't a huge problem.
I conceived through a clinic and all donors were anonymous at that time, although since 2005 donors in this country have to be willing to be known to the child when they are 18.
I have known others where known donors have worked out well, but I've also known of situations where the donor has wanted far more involvement with the child that was originally agreed, so it's best to be clear with him from the start. If you are single it is possible for a known donor to apply to the courts to be given parental responsibility. If you conceive through a clinic the donor doesn't have these rights.
Have a look at the website of the Donor Conception Network www.dcnetwrk.org, or read a book called Choosing Single Motherhood by Mikki Morrisette, which you can get on amazon.
All the best, and I hope it works out for you.

I sort if choose single motherhood in that I found myself pregnant and knew I would be raising my child on my own. Its hard work but wonderful as well. Great that the donor wants to be involved I would encourage that, are you financially sorted? It might be as well to get that conversation out of the way with the donor sooner rather than later.

My dd has wished she had contact with her father and it is something she gets upset about from time to time.

There is sadly still some stigma around single parents but as long as you are positive its unlikely to bother your child!!

Like Girliefriend, I chose to be a single parent after finding myself pregnant and it's the best decision I could have made. Some coupled friends have privately confided that they wished they were in my situation.

That said, a solid support network has been my lifeline; I'm able to leave my daughter with family to allow me to work. Without this, I'm not sure how I might have coped as financial independence was important to me.

On the subject of stigma, I've only ever faced embarrassed folk who've wrongly assumed I'm married and then apologise profusely in that lovely British way when they find out otherwise! My health visitor was a rock and told me to "jolly well go girl".

My top tips would be to save as much as possible so you can enjoy the time off work you have together, pull in as much support as possible for anyone offering (I said yes to everyone which in part explains how I became pregnant but that's another story), grow another set of hands quickly because you'll need them, get a sleep routine established as soon after six months as possible (if you want to do that but it saved my sanity to sleep train) and join the NCT assuming they are your crowd. Oh and muster as much outward confidence as possible, you'll be awesome.

xxx

There was a similar thread recently here with some useful advice if you ignore the cat post.

I took on a child not biologically mine. At the time I was in a relationship which I knew right from the word go was not going to work with a baby. We split soon after taking on the baby. That was nearly 2 years ago and the best thing I ever did. I find it much, much easier being able to parent my way instead of having the interferance from someone else. I enjoy my 'alone' time once the little one goes to bed. I therefore have no plans whatsoever to look for another partner. I foresee myself being single for a long time, which suits me fine :)