Please does anyone know....

[vicimelly]

My ex wants to see dd for a couple of days after xmas, I was fine with this as I've been fighting him to get to see her. But over the last few days I've gotton a lot of very aggresive and abusive emails from him, and decided that it really wasn't a good idea for him to see her, while he's so angry and aggresive towards me. I am seeing a solicitor in the new year to get things sorted out, so I told him that given the tone of his emails I felt it best to postpone any visits until after I'd seen my solicitor.
He's now saying that he's going to come to my house with the police 'and I can explain it to them' Logically I'm thinking there's no way the police will come out to me, but there is a niggle in the back of my head worrying me.
Would they do this? Or would they as I think just tell him he needs to get a solicitor to sort things out?
He doesn't have parental responsibility.

Argghhh sorry have no idea why that posted twice!

Message deleted

Seems a bit doubtful to me. A friend of dh's recently tried to get the police to arrest him and his ex (seriously) because she had effectively abducted their dd, just done a runner one day and he spent a fortnight just driving around and around their town looking for her.

Anyway, the police did come but said there was nothing they could do. So it seems highly doubtful that the police would come out for this. And even if they did, surely showing them the emails he's been sending you would explain why you are nervous about letting your dd see her dad?

Oh you poor thing. What an arse.
I doubt the police would be able to do anything as you haven't broken the law.
Worth checking with the CAB though?

no they wont, ime police are very reluctant to get involved in family disputes like this at all. i had to really kick off to get them to go and retrieve my kids when xp didnt bring them back (and i have custody!).

you are doing the right thing waiting to see a solicitor and he has no one to blame but himself.

if you are worried i would contact the police so they can make a log of the threatening emails - if it gets to court this can be used as evidence against him so it is a good idea to do this anyway. also keep a diary of anything else that happens. they dont have to arrest him or even speak to him about it, aslong as you have a crime number you can produce in in court as evidence he has been harassing you. it may come in very useful

good luck

Thanks all, thats put my mind at rest. I didn't think the police could do anything but it was still worrying me a bit!
Thanks for the advice jinglinggoblin, I may well just call the police myself and speak to them about it all.

Definitely keep emails. Good ammunition should it come to that.
Not sure if your ex deserves it but can you reach some kind of compromise over xmas access? Could he have her for an afternoon at his parents or something?

I would go for a pre-emptive strike and inform the police of his abusive emails, etc. and say that, as you have now denied him access because of his aggressive attitude, you are concerned by his threat to turn up at your house. At least then they will have that on record if he is so stupid as to contact them to coerce you into letting him see his child.

How old is your dd? Will she be upset at not seeing her dad over Christmas?

dd is almost five and to be brutally honest she wouldn't notice that he's not there for xmas. He left us before her first birthday and he lives in Ireland, she's seen him once a month or thereabouts since then, so he's really not a big part of her life.
I really don't think there is any room for compromise on this at all, trying to talk to him - via email because I will not speak to him on the phone any more, just results in him hurling abuse at me and shouting at me. I don't want him anywhere near dd while he's like this to be honest.

Thanks for all the help

Sounds very sensible, hope you and your dd have a lovely xmas

open a new e-mail account and dont answer his mails

AFAIK, the police might come out anyway, but only as a peacekeeping force, to find out exactly whats happening and see if they can help sort it out more smoothly but they wouldn't come out to be heavy handed and give your dd to your ex, they'd definitely leave the courts to sort that out. So if the police do come, please don't be worried because (especially if they're not busy) they do go out on parental dispute things JUST to make sure there's no trouble, not to actually tackle the problem themselves.