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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

with holding child support

16 replies

workshy · 12/10/2011 21:25

my ex has emailed me to say he is not going to make any further payments to me for the support of our children

his grounds for doing this is that I didn't return a phone call quickly enough and then didn't apologise -I explained but was greeted with loads of abuse which wasn't warranted so I didn't apologise (nasty bully on a power trip!)

he can't with hold payment on these grounds surely?

OP posts:

Snorbs · 12/10/2011 21:47

No, of course he can't. Might it be worth getting in touch with the CSA?

Meglet · 12/10/2011 21:49

Off to the CSA then! I got my money within 6 weeks of first calling them.

He can't mess you around like that.

solidgoldbrass · 12/10/2011 23:24

OK, this man is a knob so don't waste any more time trying to keep things amicable and reasonable, get lawyers involved and his arse kicked legally. The law exists to put men like this in their place.

Original poster

workshy · 12/10/2011 23:28

lol at solidgoldbrass

was thinking that most of today :)

OP posts:

STIDW · 13/10/2011 13:12

Was child maintenance agreed in a consent order as part of a divorce settlement and if so when was the order made?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 13/10/2011 19:08

No, your ex can't withold child maintenance on those or any other grounds - go through the CSA if he's gonna be an arse.

Why is he ringing you anyway?

STIDW · 13/10/2011 19:29

If there is a court order it might be better to enforce the order rather than the CSA. Historically the courts are better at enforcement, particularly if the non resident parent is self employed, and there is a penalty in costs. When an order predates March 2003 the CSA doesn't have jurisdiction anyway.

On the other hand if there is no order the court can't impose one and the CSA has jurisdiction so there is no point in seeing a solicitor. The application form is available to download from the CM Options website. I noticed yesterday they had brought out new forms and I don't know if that means the applicant has now pay the fee which is being introduced.

The other thing would be to hang off to see if after calming down he changes his mind and pays. Just don't leave it too long because you can't claim arrears through the CSA.

Original poster

workshy · 13/10/2011 21:44

not court order

he was self employed so no point but he is now working

he has been very abusive today so sod him, Iwill be contacting the CSA asap

OP posts:

Riakin · 13/10/2011 22:25

Hi workshy,

Rather than going to the CSA have you tried (an exhausted) other avenues? Maybe inform him that if he doesn't start paying you will be going to the CSA and that he won't like it.

Another thing... workshy... i take it you don't work?

Original poster

workshy · 13/10/2011 22:42

I work 40 hours a week and volunteer 2 evenings a week -I was being ironic lol

when we were together he was in theory a stay at home dad because he packed his job in with the intention of starting his own business which mysteriously never happened
I would leave for work at 6am for a 40mile commute, get home at 6pm to be asked what is for tea!

anyway.....
when we first split he wasn't working and moved in with his parents so wasn't claiming benefits, so I didn't try and get child support

I work alternate weekends, he had them alternate weekends so I was able to fulfill my contract at work
since he started work he has stopped having them on the friday evenings prior to his weekend so I have had to lose my responsibility payment form work as I can no longer do the late shift and lock up

as he is now working I have asked for half of the csa calculation as this would cover my drop and still be fair to him as he is trying to buy a house and does have the DDs every other weekend (although he doesn't pay for anything while he has them, other than food)

I have sent him a number of emails over the last 6 weeks asking if we could be amicable and agree, all of which have been replied to either abusively or with emotional blackmail

is there any other option other than the csa at this point because I don't really want to get stuck in the system?

OP posts:

Rhymenoseros · 14/10/2011 08:46

I have been in a similar situation. ex stopped his paltry £5 because we disagreed over something. My advice is to go straight to the CSA and phone them weekly for updates so you don't get 'stuck in the system' the CSA advises to start a claim as soon as the NRP stops making 'voluntary' payments as they can only backdate it from when you apply to them.

you sound a lot like me in that you have been more than reasonable. Its time to think about what is best for your children, not what is best for their dad. you do not have to put up with abuse from this man any more, you cannot reason with the unreasonable. I avoid contact with my ex unless absolutely necessary and I email very factually and to the point and I keep repeating my point, factually and without emotion, if I am met with abuse and blackmail.

Snorbs · 14/10/2011 09:22

Realistically the only options are the CSA or a private arrangement. The CSA are a pain to deal with but they do have the huge bonus in that they act as a go-between. They get to deal with your ex so you don't have to. As annoying as the CSA can be at times I found the reduction in direct conflict between my ex and I was well worth it.

cuteboots · 25/10/2011 20:10

just had to comment as Im going through a similar thing and my ex has stopped yet again paying child support . We had a row and hes now stopped all contact and and I have a very upset little boy on my hands who doesnt understand why he hasnt heard from his dad. Im not sure why he thinks he can do this to his son yet again but I am not going to play his little games this time and have walked away. Life is too short and last time I tried the csa but he kept giving them false addresses and they can never track him down. I hope you sort it out good luck.

singlevillagemum · 26/10/2011 07:55

I'll second cuteboots regarding the CSA.

I've never got a penny through them as he gives them the run around - different addresses, even different names and they say although they can see this, there is nothing they can do.

Sadly, in 3 years I have just had to get used to working two jobs to cover what he should be paying for.

Even, if I ask him face to face for something specific, new school shoes etc, he just shrugs and says he hasn't got the money, then gets in his bmw and drives off!

cuteboots · 27/10/2011 20:51

singlevillagemum-Im considering a weekend job to cope with xmas!

singlevillagemum · 28/10/2011 08:14

Cuteboots - Good luck! I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

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