I'm sure mine is a common enough story. We were together for 11 years, our girls were both planned but after DD2 was born he became distant and eventually had an inappropriately "close" (emotionally, not physically) friendship with a friend of a friend. When this all came out we sorted lots if stuff, but he refused to acknowledge that he was seriously depressed and needed proper, professional help. We muddled on for the next 5 years, having our ups and downs like all couples do, but I became increasingly frustrated with the amount of the domestic 'admin' I was doing compared to him.
He spent massive amounts of time talking to people online, he was constantly on twitter or F1 or tech forums, and when he put his computer away he expected rampant sex my full attention, and if I was shattered from a long day trying to sort the house and look after the girls after a broken nights sleep and didn't have a shag in me the energy for much more than a cuddle and brief chat he'd get all moody and stroppy. A year ago I caught him planning to meet some bint from twitter down in London, and things came to a head. He agreed he needed proper help, and saw the GP, who couldn't write his Prozac prescription fast enough, and we decided to get some counselling as a couple, and he bought me a White gold & diamond eternity ring to show me he really meant it.
We moved from our crappy council flat into a lovely 3 bed, rented house, but he became morose and distant and spent less and less time at home and when he was at home he was detached and argumentative. A while ago I name-changed and recounted my frustrations, and had the usual Slap around the Face with a Wet Kipper that only Mumsnet can dish out, and I decided he had to buck his ideas up or move out.
As luck would have it, in January, I saw a message from an OW scroll across his iphone when he was asleep one evening, and a little research led me to her (on twitter) and they were sprung. He declared that he loved her, and wanted to be with her, despite only knowing her, long-distance, for a couple of months, and I made him move into the spare room whilst we figured out exactly what/how we were going to do this.
Within a couple of weeks this wild, long distance love affair had fizzled out (under the influence of reality) and we started seeing a counsellor to help us either resolve our issues or just separate amicably. He stayed in the spare room, and we talked and talked, and at first he seemed to reconnect with me and the girls and start to behave like he was a part of the family. I threw him a surprise 30th birthday party and got a load of friends & his family together for a meal & night out, even though we weren't together.
Then, his behaviour changed again, and in May he admitted that he'd "developed feelings" for one of his female (twitter) friends, and at that point, seeing that he couldn't, or wouldn't, focus exclusively on our relationship and family, even just to dissolve things as carefully and as civilly as possible without being distracted by another long-distance "love affair", so when he put on his sad face and said "I guess I should go and stay at my mums", I agreed. And he was gone by the end of the week.
Since then I have discovered one woman whom he had a full-blown affair with last Sept/Oct, and another that he had an 'emotional affair' with before that. All in all, from what I can gather, he's had 3 or 4 'relationships', some physical, some purely online, in the last 18 months.
He's still 'with' the friend from twitter he 'fell' for in May, she lives on the South Coast whilst we are up near Liverpool, so geography dictates they don't actually spend much real time together. However, a few weeks ago they spent a romantic weekend in Liverpool (in a hotel, because he still hasn't managed to 'save up' enough to get his own place, so he's still living in his mums spare room) and whilst they were on their romantic weekend break he popped the question and slipped a diamond on her finger. (I can't imagine why he can't afford to move out of his mums, can you?)
Aside from finding this whole bipolar behaviour hilarious in a very bleak, dark way, I'm just concerned about how this is effecting our girls. He's already asked me when I'll be comfortable with them meeting his 'fiancee', but I don't want them getting used/attached to someone who isn't going to be a long term addition in their lives.
I feel like I am constantly putting out fires. Keeping this away from the girls seems important, to me at least. His behaviour is becoming more erratic and less mature, and I'm not sure how to explain this all to the kids.
Well done if you've read all this!