Is it this time of year that makes you feel a failure !!

[hoolagirl]

I've just come back from a birthday party with my ds who is 11 months. Neighbour had party for dd who is 1. Her house was filled with loads of presents, food and drink for the guests (loads of them) and looked gorgeous with christmas decorations. And of course she has a lovely dh.
I have a hand me down tree in the corner of my living room and a couple of small christmas ornaments.
I feel that i am not doing enough for ds when i know he is not going to get nearly the same stuff or we won't be able to have lavish decorations. I actually thought my wee tree was nice until i went along there.
Why do i feel that i am letting my son down, do you think he is missing out?
Sometimes i think he would be better adopted into a 'proper' family, although i could never actually do this
Just feeling sad and sorry for myself, please feel free to ignore me !!

No I do not think your DS is missing out at all.

I bet he loves your tree and ornaments and he is too young to be impressed by your neighbours decorations, anyway.

Of course he wouldn't be better to be adopted, he is better off with one parent who loves him very much.

Just because you are brought up in a single parent family doesn't mean you have to miss out. I know I never and my DD doesn't either.

I'm sure your DS will have a lovely first christmas

Hoolagirl, just had to respond to this even though I'm not a single mum.

Not every child who has 2 parents has a house stuffed with presents, food and drink - it's a bit of a myth to say the least. Your ds will not be missing out as long as he knows he has a loving mum who is doing the best she can - for him and for herself.

Please don't beat yourself up about what he/you may be missing out on. Probably not much! At least you have neighbours who invite you to parties - unlike me!

Not a lot of help I know but ......... don't know what else to say. Chin up! And Merry Christmas!

Thanks, just having a wobble!

hun hugs your ds is sooooooooooo lucky to have a mum like you when i look back at my child hood i was soooooo happy at christmas but we only really got a very small amount of gifts and our tree was a very tacky silver one [but to me it was beautiful] my dh and i and our dds have had skint xmass and well off ones and believe me the skint ones meant so much more..the presents were appreciated more the food was enjoyed more....all your ds needs is you and some pretty lights honest also i bet your neighbour looked nice but bet she was like a swan glamourous on top but legs foing like mad under the water [stressed i mean]

Thanks everyone, stopped crying now and definetly feeling better, definetly just a wobble !
Guess i'm going to have a few of these at this time of year!!
almostchristmasangel, my family were realy skint when i was small and i totally loved christmas anyway, my mum always made a huge effort for us
I will just need to follow her lead !

i think you should look at it a different way. i have a scrawny tree with tesco basic fairy lights in my council house decorated by my own hands with second hand furniture and my sons presents were sourced as cheaply as i could get them. and i am so proud of the best that i could give him. its all my work and my effort and we will have the best christmas when its just the two of us because we are together. christmas isnt about an interior designed house or a stack of perfectly wrapped gifts as lovely and wonderful as those things are. as corny as it sounds i firmly feel its about being with the people you love most and having the best time you can. hugs kisses and smiles are always the best thing you can give your child. with those you wont go far wrong. and now i will return to my post as the christmas fairy. seriously though, celebrate all that you can give your little un and have a great time!!!!

You're allowed to have a wobble now and then. So long as you know that what he will remember over the years, is not how much your tree cost, but how much you laughed dancing to the Christmas songs
I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas

Prettyfly - nothing wrong with tesco basic fairy lights and council houses how did you know that's what I have .
Ds has just about ended himself laughing at me dancing to christmas songs already....and even 'chair dancing' himself totally hilarious!
I know he's going to be more interested in the wrapping paper anyway! At the party he threw his food on the floor and munched away on the paper plate !

Really, he won't remember the physical stuff of the tree, the decor, the food, etc., what will stay with him is the atmosphere. Get that right and if you had no lights or tree at all, he'd remember Christmas as being sumptious and happy.

hoolagirl. You are a 'proper' family!!! I know a lot of parents who wouldn't even think about dancing to Christmas songs. What a lucky little boy your DS is to have such a lovely ( dancing!) mum.

hoolagirl - I have had plenty of similar moments! I'd take the gorgeous neighbours house as a tutorial, and shamelessly copy any tricks that you can use for your home!
your son is definitely not missing out - he has YOU!

hoola girl you sound like a hoot - you can come share my xmas seriously though, thats how i am and noone in my household, even before my son cam along worries about the tinsel crap cause were all too busy having a giggle!!! have a fab one matey!!!!!!!

hoolagirl. you dont need to feel like a failure at all. let me tell you a christmas story...i know a little girl whose parents had money, lots of. but they never put up decorations for christmas and they were too miserable to even put up a tree. that little girl had every present money could buy. but there were no christmas songs, no dancing, no laughing, no christmas dinner and when that little girl grew up and had her own children she understood that money meant nothing.

so now i live in a council house, i dont have a partner, ive got asda cheapo fairy lights and a 5ft plastic tree. but you know what? thats fine. because ds, dd and me decorate the tree together, we sling the baubles on and it doesnt really matter what it looks like. i wrap their presents and decorate them with ribbon and bows and christmas morning will be the best. we will dance around to tacky christmas songs (ok, we have already) and above all i know they will be happy and have a wonderful time. so what does it matter that im a single parent? as far as im concerned we ARE a family. my best memories were not of my presents, in fact they were of spending christmas (when i was slightly older) at my friend's house. because we had mince pies, and made decorations.... because we shouted and laughed and we were happy. do you see what i mean? i wanted the atmosphere rather than the gifts.

thats all you need, really. have a lovely christmas!

Don't even get me started on my singing.....

hey hon,

i was thinking about you earlier, wondering how the xmas you were so worried bout turned out! hope you had a fab ime - let us know

time of year has nothing to do w/it, i feel like a failure all year round.

expat - you are one of my gurus!

Prettyfly1

look at the "New boyfriend" post if you want to see how she is

good for her I say

and I 2nd that about expat

you've certainly made me feel confident in myself again with your down to earth / to the point postings

Thanks, folks, but I still feel like a failure sometimes. Well, often enough.

BUT, there's always change to be made!

New Year's Resolution: I WILL get dd1 pottytrained before maternity leave is up!