OP you are being given some scary advice here. Please don't panic.
Your ex is trying it on, pushing for as much as he can knowing you will both negotiate down and is aiming high he is aiming for a better 'compromise' position.
Is your ex wanting shared residency and confusing this with equal contact time? Find out what the differences are here and also get advice on different parenting plans and what the arguments for an against shared residency.
You should seriously consider agreeing to shared residency. It is far more common for a court to order this now then it used to be. Shared residency does NOT mean autimatic shared contact time though. So read up about it and educate your ex re the differences too as I doubt he knows either.
You say your dd is 3. Does she got to nursery yet? How long until she starts school?
Do you work as well as your ex? If so what childcare arrangements are in place and what hours do you work (ie a few hours each day, a long day, evenings or weekends...)?
If this goes to court they will look at two things. What the status quo is (ie how things have been up till now) and what is in the best interests of your dd.
Courts do generally dish out every other weekend and half the holidays, especially to NRP who maybe haven't been very full on or who full time work commitments.
This doesn't mean they always award that. It really can vary enormously from judge to judge so please bear that in mind. Also bear in mind that court will order contact that you may not agree with so if at all possible try and come to an agreement between you using mediation if necessary. Court should be a last resort really, but you may feel at some point that you want to use a solicitor for the letter writing and negotiation advice.
If it gets that far, a court will want to see that you have been reasonable and contact has been offered and mediation tried. SO rememeber at all times to be reasonable.
Ask yourself some questions and ask your ex to think about the same things- is this level of contact fair to dd, is it a reasonable proposal, would I be happy with the same level of contact...
EG the question is it fair to dd to:
- be away from her primary carer for so long
- To see her dad that infrequently
- Will her routine be hugely disrupted
- Has her dad been very hands on, and will he step up if given the opportunity - will dd be safe, cared for, will her basic human needs be met
- Will dad change his work hours to suit dd and care for her himself or is he intending to use childcare.
- Do both homes have suitable accomodation, access to outdoor areas, toys and equipment etc
The fact that he hasn't thought about dd/work is his alternative week proposal just goes to show that dd and her welfare isn't at the centre of his proposal or what is driving his decisions here. Ask his to consider dd's welfare and put her needs first and come back with a sensible proposal that he has though about and could actually do...
Also think about if/when you use childcare and see if dad could have her then instead. And if you do use childcare it would be hard to argue that he shouldn't when you do for your work etc. On the other hand if either/both of you can swap your hours to be abloe to care for dd while the other is at work rather than use childcare (regularly not just here or there) then do look at incorportaing that into your agreement.
I(f you think it is then ,tell him that you believe that alternative weekends and a day in the week is fair (and explain why you believe this).
Ask him to look into re-negotiating his hours so that he can have a day in the week for this. Because if he can't negotiate that then he can't really be serious about having her for alternate weeks. And if he is serious about that then please could he explain what his proposals are re child care as putting dd into child care (for 10 hours a day, 5 days every other week) when there is a parent willing and able to have her (assuming you are) seems entirely at odds with what is best for your dd... Plus he would still have to pay for the week she wasn't at childcare in order to retain the space.
Has he looked for appropriate child care and it's cost in your area. I would suggest that once he does he may well find that it's cheaper to 'pay' you to have her by way of child maintenance.
Also mention holidays at this point. Point out it is only x months till she starts school and it is normal to split the holiday. So he will get prolonged contact then and will have to negotiate time off work for that as is because school holidays are 13 weeks (half that is 7.5) plus there are non pupil days, school events like sports day etc that you assume he will want to attend as well so he needs to really look at how he can manage all these things with his current job (assuming he is intending to stay in his current job)
Basically don't panic at this point.
Think about what is best for dd and ask your ex to do the same.
Try and come to an agreement and use mediation rather than a lawyer first off.
Look at this website I gave above for ideas on shared parenting plans and remember that shared residency doesn't automatically mean equal contact time.
Put your proposals in writing, keep them factual and try not to be emotional or let other issues come into it (write separate letters on other issues if necessary). Remind yourself that each of your letters could end up before a court/judge and you should come accross as resonable and putting dd first at all times in your letters (if not rewrite them before sending).
Keep a copy of all correspondance and write down notes of verbal agreements.
Good luck with your up coming house move