Gog God God.........I'm an old hand....left him 9 years ago.....I've learnt how to play the game. I should know better. But no. Today I throw my hands up and scream because I hate him with all the passion of 1996 when I threw him out.
How did this happen? How can they do this? He started paying child support LAST year and every month he is late....right now I am sitting here with hat, scarf and fleece on because I cant afford to heat my flat. The son will be eating desperate food from the bottom of the freezer (the stuff you always sneer at). I call him up, as I have done every day this week and he says, I'll put a cheque in today or tomorrow....er hello.....how does the child eat until the cheque clears. His reponse "not my problem" DIE DIE DIE.....sorry did I say that out loud?
I would say I want to kill him, but I know it would be used in evidence if he did accidentally fall into a vat of acid.
I'm feeling vengefull. Do I tell the Son what's in those special cigarettes that daddy smokes? Do I tell the girlfriend that I was sleeping with him a year into their relationship? (he was a good lay, I kept him on for that until I found more interesting boys to play with) Would I stoop so low? Normally hell no. The frustration is filling up over here and I want to explode. He has not made me feel like this in years (except when he decided to take my son and file for custody, and the son said he didn't want to live with him!!)
No, I have always been 'good' said nothing negative about him in front of son, always said how much the son is loved by f*ktard. I even got my moment of glory when he decided to have a go at me during the handover one Sunday night and the son simply said "Dad if you stop shouting for one minute you might hear what mum is trying to say" It stopped him in his tracks and made me feel all warm and glowy inside....but that was 3 months ago....today I find myself feeling like crap because of this....this.....well he's not a man....this piece of lowlife, dopesmoking, spineless, vertically challenged (he's paranoid about his height) @!!**@~## (insert your own word, I think I may explode! )
I'd better go because there is 9 years worth threatening to spill out into this post.
Thank you for listening.