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Lone parents

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Original poster

anyone been single for a long time?

35 replies

tranquilitygardens · 13/08/2011 17:21

When ex and I split, I had loads of dates, and guys after me, I went out and saw some guys for a bit, then after about two years for a variety of reasons, I couldn't be bothered, it was like something in me had switched off towards men. I don't think it helped that after loads of abuse from my exh, I had some counselling and realsied the extent of the emotional abuse.

I am a woman in my thirties and I am not in the least bit interested in men at all, and before you say anything I am not interested in women either Grin I have had many men come on to me, I am simply not interested.

Did anyone else have this or is it a case of too long single, or a bad experience?

I am quite happy to be single, I am self reliant, I don't have any desire at present for any more children.

I do think that it would be nice one day to have someone special in my life, and I am wondering if I anyone else has been in this position?

OP posts:
Bandwithering · 27/08/2011 11:11

Yeah SuePurblybilt, I feel that urge too, to get my life in order first. Unfortunately I didn't have that same priority when I was in my twenties and early thirties. I might have attracted (and been attracted to) a more decent, wholesome sort of type Confused

HerBeBolloX · 27/08/2011 11:43

Nearly a decade.

In the first few years I did wonder if I should be getting a male role model so dated unsuitable men, but then I realised that actually, with friends, uncles etc., they've got plenty of male role models in their lives and I was concerned with learning how to be a functional parent and wouldn't have had time to having a romantic relationship as well.

The great thing about it is that you realise you don't need to not be single, when you've been single for so long you know you can do it no sweat and you also know that you don't need to settle for normal monogamous living together - I'm quite happy having a lover now and again so that I don't miss sex, but it doesn't intrude on my family life or my obsessive mumsnetting or reading, spending time with my friends, etc. I'm not saying I'd never go in for hetero-normative monogamy (I love using that phrase Grin) but I know it's not the only option and that is an immense and wonderful freedom.

trickycat · 27/08/2011 13:47

I'm glad I saw this thread because I am having this internal debate about being single. I have been a lone parent for 15 months although because of my H's work hours I was like a single parent in my marriage.

I had a 5 month relationship and it was lovely but he wanted more and I was relieved when it finished.

I have tried internet dating - bascially a demoralised experience. although I think I picked the wrong site as not many men in my area. But I do seem to have made a new penpal Hmm

I guess my point is I think 'oh I must try to find a boyfriend' and then think 'why? just enjoy being single' and then 'well single is good but...'
Repeat ad infinetuem (sp)

Original poster
tranquilitygardens · 27/08/2011 14:25

I see one of the dating sites is doing a free weekend, I shant bother.

I have enjoyed catching up with everyone's views, pretty positive overall.

OP posts:
SuePurblybilt · 27/08/2011 14:28

Excellent point, Bandwithering.

I also need to adjust my fuckwit radar beforeI start dating again, clearly I am Not Good at picking men. Maybe I should pick the one I don't want as a kind of double-bluff - he'll prolly be perfect Grin.

trickycat · 27/08/2011 15:19

Signing up for a free weekend is really not worth. They will make you pay to send and receive messages so there is little point. There are some free ones (Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid) but free ones attract their share of random odd bods I think.

slavetomyson · 21/09/2011 14:03

What a great group of inspiring women you all are!! I have been single for about a year and a half, have recently given up on internet dating because the men on there just seem to be messing about. I'm thinking I would now resent having to make an effort for a man, spend money on childcare, shave my legs regularly etc etc, and I'm not sure if i'm just being lazy and demotivated, or if I am genuinely happier on my own!! My son has just started school so i'm feeling a bit lost and confused about my identity, after I feel I have devoted my life to him so far etc, I'm in the process of making plans of how I can better myself and how I can be 'me' again. It's a learning curve!! Would love to hear from others who feel the same!

squareheadcut · 27/09/2011 01:00

I seem to have sex in 2 yearly intervals since my husband left, it was 2 years and one night of passionate sex with a cuban then 2 years later a brief thing with an unsuitable sportsman and then 2 years again and a few nights with a guy recently who i met in a club. i really didn't want this one to end as I can't bear having to wait another 2 years for the next one!!
The thing is, I really feel the urge for a man in a lot of ways - sex, intimacy, want more kids - a million reasons but saying all that - being single has been great for me - i do more and have so fun and have achieved so much in my life. intenet dating is a nightmare.

teahouse · 02/10/2011 11:07

Over 11 years single and nearly 6 without proper dates. I'm pretty content on my own but am working on a social life as that's what I need (don't need a guy but if a nice one turns up that would be great).

girliefriend · 02/10/2011 21:38

I've been single for about 4 yrs, God that sounds long!!

Would like to start dating but think I am lacking confidence at the moment and its safer to stick with 'I love being single' as an excuse!!!

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