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Contact

14 replies

mrsmcv · 04/08/2011 01:53

So so sick of contact. Ex has contact order, I stick to it and have done throughout dd's (now 5) life. Now on third court case because he keeps claiming I break contact (I don't) Bored of constant court hearings (21 appearances so far) and stupid bloody waste of money. Sample conversation/ court hearing: "Yes, you can see your daughter every other weekend and one night in week if you can arrange it with work, yes you can have half the hols, no she's not wild about it but it's her right to know her dad so she's going to go whether she likes it or not. Yes, you can take her where you like, yes you can have her passport, no I don't need to know where you're taking her if you don't want to tell me, no I'm not bothered what you feed her if you think it's ok, of course you can take her to see her grandma and her cousins. No, you don't have to have her in bed by 7.30m if that's your judgement as her dad. Of course she can see your friends, even if you wanted to take her to a crack house there's knack all I can do about it so why are you dragging me into this? Yes she's miserable about being away from me but you won't bring her home when she cries so what do you want me to do about it? She's your daughter, this is your time so do what you like and bring her back so she can go to school in some sort of state to learn. That's all. " Not changed address or phone number since split, not even had a single snog in 5 years, let alone date or step children. May as well still be married, apart from not getting thumped every other week. What more can I say and why do I have to keep going to court to say it? Any answers?

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 04/08/2011 02:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gillybean2 · 04/08/2011 07:33

So why is he taking it back to court then? There must be some reason he feels thatc ontact is not as per the order?
What has the judge said to him?
Have you suggested mediation to deal with his issues?
How long have you been separated and trying to resolve contact issues?

If he really is taking it back to court with no justification and not asking for anything new and you haven't been in breach of the order, plus sufficient time has passed for you both to settle into the contact arrangements, then ask your solicitor about a section 91(14). It is a big step but the threat of it may be enough to make him think twice before dragging you all back to court for not reason.
www.parissmith.co.uk/publications/a-section-91-orders.pdf

GypsyMoth · 04/08/2011 09:02

I got a section 91(14) to prevent court appearances for no reason

Never had anywhere near 21 visits tho!!

susiesheep2 · 04/08/2011 10:24

21 appearances in 5 years... OMG!!

I have never heard of anything close to this, I can not believe a judge is even allowing it to carry on. Does he say you break contact each time? do you keep a calender of contact dates agreed? or are the other hearings about different things?

PS. for what its worth I think you are giving him too much control over the contact and if I was you I would try and find more out about this crack house if you have evidence I would insists by way of prohibitive steps order she is never taken their again.

I would also ask the judge to ensure you are made aware of any other places she stays overnight with him including holidays, I believe a judge will see it is reasonable for a mother to know where her child is staying overnight.

I guess he qualifies for legal aid and doesnt have to pay court application fees otherwise he'd be bankrupt!!

gillybean2 · 04/08/2011 10:29

I think the crack house comment was a joke

Grandhighpoohba · 04/08/2011 11:30

Natasha - did you miss the bit about being thumped? I don't envy her an abusive ex!

BertieBotts · 04/08/2011 11:40

Susie I think you're missing the point. You can't just get back control over contact. Isn't that what the OP is frustrated about? And the crack house was "even if you took her to a crack house" not "even when you took her to that crack house..."

Have you tried speaking to women's aid, OP? I know you're not in immediate danger from him now but they might be able to advise of a solicitor local to you who has expertise, or suggest any techniques for dealing with him. They have a section on their website dealing with contact, so they do have some knowledge about this. (However probably best to read it when you're feeling strong as there is quite a lot of focus on preventing children being abused by abusive ex-partners) Sorry to hear your DD is being upset by this and that he won't bring her back if she cries :( Please know that providing a stable base for her is probably helping her to cope with all of this, and let her know she can talk to you about it at any time and she doesn't have to take sides.

whiteandnerdy · 04/08/2011 11:46

Having been through this process, one thing that really pissed me off is the fact that each time I went to court I got a different magistrate, each with a different approch on what they thought should happen. So from each court appearance to the next there is a complete loss of continuity between what happened in the previous hearing what the reasons were for adjourning to the next hearing ... what was meant to happen between adjournments, I think the magistrate should be held in contempt of the court if they don't appear and better notes should be kept by the clerk of the court to aid in keeping context between each court appearance. From my experience the judicial system is an amature organisation populated by people who are simply there to turn the wheel and have no interest in improving the system or it's outcome for the people that find themselves relying on it's services.

And so endeth the rant Grin

susiesheep2 · 04/08/2011 14:22

Sorry, didnt realise the crack house thing was a joke, although thank god it is! :S

What is your current contact order and what is his problem with it this time? Bertie - Hes taking her back to court for breaking the contact order I believe, which OP says she hasn't...

mamas12 · 04/08/2011 18:51

I think you should investigate the section 91 (14)

mrsmcv · 05/03/2012 01:44

still in court! still not been heard. Court has appointed a guardian now, can't decide whether this is good or bad. Sort of decided it will make not that much difference as nothing else seems to. Poor dd. He's telling her that it's my fault she can't have her mummy at the weekend because I left him and if I hadn't, she'd be able to see both of us together. He is a freak and a creep and yes, I am still sending her to contact. no end in sight

OP posts:
mrsmcv · 05/03/2012 20:23

the dd's guardian and solicitor have been in court today and agreed a timetable to progress things for dd (5) having interviewed her father, who lives 200 miles away and sees her once a fortnight and never having met either myself or our daughter. It doesn't seem like our input is going to be necessary. I have offered to let them contact me by post with their decision as it seems meeting with either of us is somewhat inconvenient (dd has school, I have a job and caring responsibilities.) But don't worry! They've interviewed her dad who works part time and doesn't live with dd to establish how things will progress. That's ok then.

OP posts:
Dee03 · 05/03/2012 20:48

Haven't got any advice really but wanted to show support.
Sounds as if you're going through a tough time and are very frustrated..understandably.
I've got 2 xp but luckily never been through court ....1 walked away from his two ds 8 years ago and 1 sees his ds everyother weekend.
I hope things get sorted for you and your dd soon.

mrsmcv · 06/03/2012 22:53

thanks Dee, it's always been difficult. I just worry about the effect on dd.

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