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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

do you ever feel envious of families with 2 happy parents?

14 replies

juicychops · 25/07/2011 17:04

Every now and then i feel like this. 2 happy parents who do things with their kids together, nice home altogether etc idealistic family life

2 blokes who manage my ds's football team i chat to quite a bit. They are lovely blokes who are very devoted to their families and devoted to spending quality time with them. It just makes me sad sometimes that ds doesn't have that and that i dont have that either.

I have a bf who i have been with for 5 years but we dont live together yet, and because he has his own kids he will never look at ds in that same way and never have that bond with a dad figure. so we will never have that close family unit that i would of loved to have had

it just makes me sad sometimes. am i alone in feeling this way?

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ginmakesitallok · 25/07/2011 17:08

I'm not a lone parent, but my Mum was. I can't speak for how she felt about not always having the ideal partner - but from my point of view I NEVER felt I missed out by not having my Dad around. My Mum was/is wonderful and spent plenty of quality time with my DB and I. Don't be sad for your kids.

SirGin · 25/07/2011 17:31

It is sad juicychops, but that's life unfortunately.

You just have to make the best of what you've got.

gillybean2 · 25/07/2011 18:04

I know of far more 2 parent families that aren't entirely happy than any I could say I would want to be like. Even the friend I would class as having the best realtionship with her dp, now dh, still have parenting issues and disagreements.

My ds wishes he had a dad about. But he also says that when he's a dad he's going to be one like Idad and not like Edad because Idad plays with his dc (and with ds) and is fairly laid back, whereas Edad shouts a lot and ds has to go home and isn't allowed to visit if he's at home.

I think most of us would like to be in a happy 2 parent situation. But very few people actually have that imo. And in reality you never know what goes on behind closed doors. EVen the most ideal looking happy family probably isn't completely as you perceive it.

mrscolour · 25/07/2011 21:45

I was out with my kids at the park on my birthday and there seemed to be happy families everywhere and I did feel a little bit envious but I felt like this when I was married as well! At the same time I feel quite content with it being me and the kids a lot of the time. I like having them to myself and enjoy my time with them.

Since splitting from my ex, so many friends have told me that they are having problems with their OHs and I feel quite glad to be out of it tbh. But do feel a bit guilty sometimes that they are willing to persevere with their bad relationships and I wasn't.

starrychime · 25/07/2011 22:05

I do quite a lot. I wish I could give my DD the kind of childhood I had, parents married for more than 40 years, always a safe home to come back to, family holidays - nothing fancy, just a B&B and the beach. I feely guilty a lot that I'm not giving her that sort of family life. But I guess I just have to make her childhood the best I can - what she's never had she won't miss etc etc. And I do hear friends moaning about their partners all the time and can't imagine having the energy or motiviation to be bothered with dealing with relationship problems - have enough to deal with with DD

HerBeX · 25/07/2011 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackeyedsusan · 27/07/2011 12:34

i do sometimes wish it had all turned out to be fairy tale lovely.... but what we have now is better than being with dc's dad as he is now. most of the time I am content and happy and try to make the best of it... but sometimes it does hurt when one mum describes her week away whilst her h looked after the children.

i do try to look at the people who are worse off than me and think that I m fortunate compared to them, rather than look at the much smaller group of people who are better off than me s it can make me miserble. don't alwaays succeed though, and that is normal.

my aunt used to say you never know what happens behind closed doors. I had a few people tell me how lucky I ws to have h, but then they did not know that he could be violent.

chelen · 27/07/2011 14:33

Yes, I do feel envious. I am a married stepmum, and have felt very envious of lovely, shiny nuclear families who don't have to spend their time saying "no, I'm his stepmum, no his real mum isn't dead, no she's not in prison...."!

I had a year of hell with my partner where all, all, all I wanted was to be a single parent.

I am sure many single parents must sometimes feel envious of people in happy relationships. But we all do sterling work and our kids can be happy whatever shape of family they live in :)

cestlavielife · 27/07/2011 14:57

happy for them yes

envious no

sh&t happens/ it may happen to them. it may be happening behind closed doors.

my Dc are happy, fine, doing well at school etc.

sometimes they want things or my time that i cant give them coz i work virtually full time to provide for them. but that is life too -i bet even those "happy families" Dcs also say "it's not fair...." at times...

WhoWhoWhoWho · 27/07/2011 18:59

Not envious no. The only couples I know well enough to know if they are happy or not, well they make me glad I'm single (none of them are happy)!

My parents are divorced and I remember feeling RELIEVED when they told me they were splitting up. I'm comfortable in the knowledge that one happy parent is better than two miserable ones. Me and DS have such a great time, a happy relaxed life with lots of time for each other in a chilled household.

ThatllDoPig · 27/07/2011 19:06

what gilly said.
When I was a single mum there was a family (friends) that it really hurt to spend time with as it made my loss and pain so real. A few years down the line the situation has swapped completely! You never know what is going on behind closed doors.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 27/07/2011 20:39

OP, I feel like this, but it's fleeting, as there is nothing I can possibly do about it..so no point..

BTW, I'm not tough, just realistic. If I give in to those emotions I will never surface from the duvet

Meglet · 27/07/2011 20:46

Yes. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a supportive partner, mine turned into an asshole the day I came home from having DC1.

Life must be a lot more fun with two parents who work as a team, instead of one ratty stressed parent.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 27/07/2011 20:54

Not the same as being a single parent (although I have been one) but I do feel envious in a similar way.

OH has a disability. I feel jealous of famiies when I see them gadding about and it all looks so simple. Getting out as a family is complicated for us.

But I have a supportive and involved partner so I am very lucky in that respect.

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