how much contact with father over summer?

[oystermum]

I know there is no correct amount of time that a child should spend with their father over the summer, but my daughter's father is banging on about his 'entitlement' to exactly half her summer holiday, plus his usual weekends, which he has calculated at an exact number of days which I have to facilitate, and is determined to mess up any plans I had with her. She's only 6 and I don't think she should be away for all that time. I feel like she and I are not going to get any time together. He is being so difficult in a typical passive aggressive way, objecting to any suggestions I make. Apart from that, I get so cross because I provide everything and he contributes nothing to her upbringing. I work so hard and feel like my own holiday time with my daughter is being taken away from me. It is so stressful I'm almost wishing the summer was over.

I think the point I am trying to make is that just because he wants to see his child 50% of the time doesn't make it automatically the best thing for the child.

If he doesn't pay anything because of illness or because he is short term unemployed, then that is obviously acceptable, if unfortunate. If he doesn't pay anything because he wiggles out of it, then how can that not be linked to what is right for the child? If he doesn't take his responsibilities seriously when it comes to finances, then perhaps, it's not wrong to assume that he doesn't take other aspects seriously either.

I also will say again, if he can't afford to support for his child, how can he feed her and entertain her for over 3 weeks which will cost considerably more? Should OP provide food for her daughter while she is in the care of her ex too? (I have seen this happen with a friend of mine who was on income support and gave her ex food for the kids!)

theredhen

I think the thing is, that even if the NRP doesn't step up to the mark on their financial responsibilities it is not the fault of the child. And children without doubt benefit from having two parents in their lives.

It's really dangerous line to link contact with finances IMO as a child could potentially loose out twice.

But perhaps MrXUselessTwat will, in looking after his child for three weeks get a crash course in how much a child costs in time, energy and moolah

if he is asking to have DD for half the holidays one assumes he is also proposing to provide for her during those times. so op should say yes no problem - and leave them to it.

last year i did provide food and spending money when DDs went with exP to a church camp. this year - had they gone - i would not have done so. yes he is unemployed yes he is "ill" (MH issues) but it is his repsonsibility to deal with those -get the right benefits etc.

so i woudl say to op - look, dd is entitled to ahve half her holidays with dad.
so let her go with your blessing.
but dont provide her with food/spending money etc for those times - that is dad's repsonsibility.

in those weeks take time out for yourself do the things you dont get time to do with dd around.
and enjoy your 3 weeks with her.