Can somebody help me with this?

[binaberry]

I've changed my name for this because I don't want exp to find it. If anyone does recognise me please don't say who I am!! lol
I am so stressed out at the moment - not sleeping, hence the time! lol
Quick overview, exp and I split 3 1/2yrs ago, we have a dd who is nearly 5. exp moved home after split, home being Ireland and comes to see dd once a month. His family have been to visit her 3/4 times in five years, in the first few years I used to take her over myself regularly but after a particularly nasty incident with a family member decided that I wasn't going to put myself in that situation again so they could come here instead. - they havn't bothered.
Exp and I had a row a few weeks ago about his family not seeing dd, it's all my fault naturally!
Anyway since then I havn't heard anything from him except for one email when I had asked him why he hadn't kept to his agreed visit, he says that he's been to see a solicitor who has advised him to have no contact with me and I will hear from them in due course.
I havn't heard a thing, he is not acknowledging any attempt at contact I have made and dd hasn't seen him for almost two months now and is really confused!
I don't know for sure but I'm pretty convinced that when I do receive this letter it is going to be regarding exp being able to take dd to Ireland alone and I'm so worried about this.
Aside from the fact that I don't believe exp is capable of looking after her himself for any extended period of time, dd is disabled and has complicated medications and needs that despite constant attempts to educate him about exp remains ignorant of.
I am terrified that I am going to have to let exp take her away, is this likely? Will I have to?
I can't really do anything until I receive this letter and know for sure what's happening so right now I'm just driving myself crazy and getting very stressed about it all.

Any advice would be very very welcome!!

you could consult a solicitor .. and i would do just that if I were you

I cannot imagine any solicitor would have advised him to cease contact, that sounds total baloney to me.

I would try to keep arranging contacts with him and keep a diary

have you ever invited his family over? if that is the sticking point why don't you set aside a specific time and invite them to visit?

Thanks Twiglett, I have repeatedly made sure that his family know they are more than welcome to come and visit whenever they like, our door is always open for them to come and see dd. Have invited them to come and see her for specific occasions - they came over for one. Exp thinks that I'm being selfish expecting them to come to us instead of the other way around, I actually think it should be a two way thing, and after years of doing it myself I think it's about time they made an effort too!
I have the name of a solicitor reccomended to me and I intend to call her and make an appointment as soon as I receive this letter, I wasn't sure it would be worth my while before hand as I don't really know what the hell it is he's trying to do, although I strongly suspect it's this. Do you think it would be worth going before I hear anything from his solicitor?
I was very surprised that any solicitor would advise him to cut contact, I do however suspect it was only me he was advised to cease contact with and not dd, as I fail to see how that would help his cause in anything he is trying to do!

I'm getting more and more stressed by it every day now, dreading the mail each morning yet at the same time hoping it's there just so I know ifywim! It's driving me crazy!

I think he knows the stress he is causing which is why I think he is just doing it to hurt you and doubt he is even seeing a solicitor.

Do you have legal visitation sorted out, I mean did you go to court and have it written down? It may be worthwhile seeing this solicitor and seeing if you can do it anyway .. so you regain control rather than allowing your ex to have it.

Just so you know I am not a legal beagle nor do i have specific experience of these matters - I am just talking off the top of my head

Thanks again It's good just to offload it all! I think I may do as you suggested and make an appointment to see the solicitor anyway. We don't have any legal agreements at all, so far we have managed to sort it out between ourselves. I am really saddened at the thought that he may just be doing this to get at me, I truly hate him sometimes, but he's never used dd this way before.

I'm sorry your ex is putting you under this stress, I wouldn't see a solicitor unless I knew what the letter is about as she can only make good suggestions if he/she knows the particulars of the problem otherwise you are wasting his time and your money. However, if you do not have a formal agreement about his rights and responsabilities towards his DD, it will be worth to see one to establish your position even if you don't have problems with exp.

Crossposted, sorry

Sounds a difficult situation.

If you are correct that he is going to propose that dd goes to Ireland to see his family, then I think perhaps you need to be prepared to go with her. That way you can keep an eye out to make sure she's properly cared for. You can also make her feel secure in an unfamiliar place with seldom seen people.

I know it may be difficult financially, but with all the deals going you should be able to get a cheap way over. Once there, perhaps you can find an suitable place to stay that is also affordable. Or maybe your ex can sort a place out.

Maybe you can make it an annual event to go for a week's holiday, or a long weekend? That's what I'd do anyway...

I had already - very very reluctantly agreed to do that earlybird, although just for a weekend, early in the new year. He's been very insistent on taking her over there and there just is no way I could let that happen without me being there so I had tried to head it off by backing down and agreeing for that one weekend initially.
That's not what he wants though, they want dd without me, which would be fine if he'd bothered to learn how to look after her, if he was able to give her her medication and she wasn't going to be surrounded by strangers!! lol sorry just ranting now!

You sound very protective of your dd,just like myself,and i would let him take her to ireland over my dead body!!!I also have a disabled son who my ex has never ever looked after on his own then he started trying to force the issue of seeing the kids without me present(we have 3)as well as not keeping his visits stable,on the advice of my solicitor i stopped his access to them to force him into opening a court case against me hence forcing him to agree to set guidelines of visitation,i.e where,when and how often,that was way back in june!! Needless to say i havent heard from him since cause he knew fine well what he was demanding was never going to happen because a)he dont knwo how to deal with ds1(severe autism)and b) he dont really know our dd as we split when i was pg with her and he has not taken the time or energy to get to know her so wouldnt be able to be left alone with her.I gave him 2 options,he continued seeing them with me present or have his visits in a contact centre.neither of which he would agree to so he has gone!!!the kids are much more settled and i get to move on without dealing with his crap week in week out!!
I think your ex is calling your bluff regards the lawyers visit to cause you the stress he knows it will,and you will in fact hear nothing from a solicitor!!See a solicitor for your own peace of mind and get dd difficulties noted what help/meds she needs exs reaction to this etc so that if he does come a knocking then you have something to go on.dont know if you have a contact centre you could use but i would go with that option then they can supervise and make sure she is cared for properly and he cant take her amnywhere!!I really dont think any court would allow him to take her to ireland when he is unable to care for her needs.Dont stress just wait it out and when he realises he has nothing to fight with he will go away!!

Thanks Loobie it's good (although not for you!) to hear that I'm not the only one with an idiotic exp!
I didn't get the chance to call the solicitor today but I think I definitely will tomorrow and try to turn the tables so I'm in control.
This whole situation is getting to me a lot more than I thought it would and my gp has prescribed me ad's today Not sure I want to take them, but certainly made me realise I need to take back control and stop letting this stress me out so much!

Thanks for all the replies, it really does help just to get it out!