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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

how did u feel about.......................

23 replies

prettyfly1 · 19/11/2005 15:27

taking a dna test. i have to take mine next week. i only slept with ds's father in 6 moths bu ti still feel sick about doing this - all these horrible questions go through my head, what if they make a mistake, what if he fights me for ci, what if he has gotten someone who lok slike him to take it. i know i sound paranoid and every time i look at my son i know i am doing the right thing but god i hate all this. part of me wishes they WOULD make a mistake- at least then he will be out of our lives for good - i even considered taking my nephew to do the test- the 3 yr prison sentence kinda put me off. its just all so uncertain

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Lmccrean · 19/11/2005 15:33

I felt sick about getting my one done too..was a year ago this week. Im a little confused by your message tho... you arent sure you want to prove hes the dad, but you are worried in case he gets someoneelse to go for him??

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 19/11/2005 18:12

i know. feel very torn, part of me is terrified in case he has screwed the system because he will make my life a living hell if he can get away with saying the baby is not his (which he very definately is) but part of me thinks maybe that would be for the best. he could mak his smug little remarks, think how clever he was and then he would, albeit unwittingly - leave our son alone. sounds bad dont it.

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hoolagirl · 20/11/2005 22:59

I had to take one too and I had the same fears that he would get someone else to go in his place etc, not wanting him to be the father (although there was no other alternative unfortunately).
If you don't want to go through with the test then i don't think they can make you. They need your permission to test the baby.

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 21/11/2005 11:39

i have to now, i know its the right thing. i am glad that someone else understands my fears though, i thought i was just being mental

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lrkids · 21/11/2005 11:55

you are not mental, like the others I felt exactly the same. I considered taking another child instead of ds for the simple reason that I wanted his father out of our lives. Tbh I couldn't have given a sh*t if they had made a mistake and it was proved ds wasn't his as he would then leave us alone, I would have put up with any remarks from him re. he was right etc. Unfortunately the idiot has now been awarded contact with my ds and I still do not want it to happen.

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 21/11/2005 12:29

thats what i am so afraid of. part of me wants to force the git to acknowledge that the baby at least exists, the majority of me just wants him to leave us alone. he has caused so much pain already.

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Original poster

prettyfly1 · 24/11/2005 15:26

its on tuesday of next week. wish me luck

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lrkids · 25/11/2005 14:10

good luck hun, if you do all you can for your little one then no-one can ever say anything otherwise. Hopefully he will find out the truth and then leave you both alone to get on with your lives.
I know it is hard to do the right thing when you feel angry and upset about (and in my case hate) the father, just keep thinking of your son - you will always be his mum and no-one can ever take that away from you.
Hope everything goes ok.
Lx

essbee · 25/11/2005 14:22

Message withdrawn

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 30/11/2005 13:33

took it yesterday so its just a matter of time from here. feel sick, i jsut want him to leave us alone. And although esbee i do appreciate what you meant about the sentence being for someone who took a different child in if the father of you r baby threatened to kill him you would want to do anything to get him away from him as well. thankyou for the supportive message guys i will let you know how it goes/

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Original poster

prettyfly1 · 01/12/2005 09:42

ok now i am panicking badly. he was out last night and told a packed pub that he could come out more often cause he had "taken care of a problemonce and for all" meaning me. what the hell has he done

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Original poster

prettyfly1 · 02/12/2005 13:50

oh my god, the bxxxxxtds just quit his job to avoid payin when the results are in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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hoolagirl · 02/12/2005 16:57

What an a**hole, that is exactly what my ex said he would do and suprise suprise that is what he did!! What LOSERS !!
Take some comfort in the fact that you and your child will be no worse off (im certainly not) and it is him that will be out of pocket, I mean how much do you get on the social nowadays if you are a single guy, not very much i am sure, it is him who will be skint and he will only have himself to blame!
What a catch he is, packing in his job to avoid paying for his own child, great credentials !!

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 02/12/2005 18:30

isnt he just. i have to laugh i really do. i earn enough so although its difficult i will survive but what is he gonna do. run and be unemployed every 6 months for the rest of his life. he is an accountant so i doubt it.

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Devilyouknow · 02/12/2005 18:36

If you have his NI inform the csa of it and they can keep an eye on his habits.Thing is you have to keep phoning them up about once a month.

If he has resigned he won't be able to claim IS anyway or has he been "sacked"?

hoolagirl · 04/12/2005 22:51

Well they will collect the money out of his benefit (im still waiting for this) and if he stops claiming benefit, ie because he's started work, they can chase it through the inland revenue or something, hazy memories of a phone conversation..... !
My ex has never even seen MY ds, never mind bought him a packet of nappies, I am proud that I have supported my ds fully and have paid for everything he needs myself (with the help of tax credits of course ).
Money is tight, but you will get there yourself without that miserable sod !!
I am lucky in that respect that I don't have him interfering in our lives.
Sorry hijacked your thread for my own rant

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 05/12/2005 13:49

no, thats absolutely fine, believe me i understand. the sod was "made redundant" (conveniently enough the last time they caught up with him this happened too)sod. i will just have to wait and see what happens i guess!!

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Original poster

prettyfly1 · 09/12/2005 13:49

THE RESULTS ARE IN - THEY HAVE CONFIRMED IT - OH THE RELIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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FrostyTheRickman · 09/12/2005 13:52

That must be a relief for you. Have you heard from xp?

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 09/12/2005 15:19

no.

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Original poster

prettyfly1 · 14/12/2005 16:51

yes and he was crying. a lot.

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hoolagirl · 14/12/2005 20:45

Serves him right, bet he didnt think about you when he left you in the lurch
Sorry, sounding a bit bitter.... well not really sorry

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 16/12/2005 11:58

thats ok. i finally dealt with it all yesterday. i have called off the csa. i dont want his money and iu dont want to hurt the other two children involved.this man has hurt me and caused nothing but pain fro 6 yrs and although it sounds twisted, unintentionally i have my revenge. he knows he has a child he will never be a part of and that the girl he has controlled since she was seventeen has taken control back with no permanent dmamge done to her life. i feel like i have freedom for the first time since i met him.

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