Just split up from husband. Is it ok to ask to babysit or not??

[Montessorisam]

Hi there,

I want to go out!! Been seperated for a couple of months. Is it ok to ask exhusband to babysit or is that a really thick question? He sees kids a couple of times a week. Shall I just get a sitter in and pay for it, would that be easier? Sorry, if this seems a dumb question but I don't want to antagonise the situation, but on the other hand he might like the extra time with kids? What do you do?

Thank you!

Of course it's OK to ask. He's still their dad, isn't he? Worst case, he'll say no and then you can look into a sitter.

If you get on well enough and feel comfortable asking, then do it - sounds like a great idea.

hmmm... have read a few of your posts before. i think in your situation, i wouldn't.

if you have an amicable, easy split with mutual respect and understanding, then maybe. do you really want him in your home while you are out? doesn't that blur the boundaries too much? wouldn't it be too confusing for the kids to have him put them to bed in your house? and do you really want him to know when / where you are going out and what time you are coming back?

i think, if you can afford it, you should pay for a sitter. if you can't, does the ex have the kids overnight at all - you could go out then?

If you're on good terms, then yes definitely - sounds like everybody wins :)

But if he was controlling and/or you think he might use it to get at you (e.g. cancelling at the last minute, being overly nosy about who you are going out with etc) then I wouldn't recommend it. Or perhaps ask anyway but have a back up babysitter just in case.

Ah I assumed would be at his house - WishIWas raises a good point. If he would be coming to your house then think about whether you'd be comfortable with that too.

I did this, unfortunately you then cannot have any control over what they do - mine left DD inside playing merrily next to the log fire while he went for a fag and spent the rest of the time in online chat rooms. When we did fall out a couple of months later some things he said revealed he'd been snooping round the house, read post etc. I won't have him in the house again.
And,as WishI said, he loved the fact that I had to ask, that he knew where I was going and when I got back.

I'd rather stay in frankly! So I would pay someone or arrange (if it's suitable) for the children to sleep over with him once a fortnight or something?

I haven't read any of your previous posts but WishIWas raises points worth considering.

Thank you. Yes wishiwas you are right. This is not an easy amicable split and I do not want boundaries blured at all! I guess if we get to be on friendlier terms and things get a little easier then it would be ok? Guess I was jumping the gun a bit! Ex does not have his own place yet so he can't take the kids overnight unfortunately otherwise life would be 100% easier than it is!!

Also would not want him to see what state I might be in when i got back :))

Thank you all for the clarificationX

bluddymofo - chance would be a fine thing. wouldn't mind a date right now! HA HAX