DD first visit to see her dad

[missjy123]

Hi!! I am here for some support cos I'm feeling so :(

DD has gone to stay with her dad 120 miles away for the first time n it feels like my heart has been ripped out. We left him last year then went back for 'one last chance' - but that didn't work. Left him again in December and since that time he has only come to see her twice (once for a funeral and once for his bday). He never rings her but I don't wanna be one of those mums that doesn't want her DD to know her father - regardless of what an idiot he is. He has taken her for 3 days n she'll be back tomorrow. She is only 3 - and I keep going into the kitchen to make her something to eat and then remember she's not here, and stuff like that :( No one around me understands how I feel and are carrying on as normal, whereas I can't concentrate and wanna lie on my bed and cry all day. Have been trying to keep myself busy but the pain is always there....

Well done for ensuring that she gets quality time with her dad, regardless of your feelings for him.
The most important thing will be establishing a regular pattern to give your daughter security and consistency. He will have to come up to the mark. If this is the first time she has been away, 3 days will seem very long for you- like one of your limbs has been cut off.
Staying contact is important but why has he not made more of an effort before now? Is there any reason why he can't travel up regularly and take her for a few hours to a park or playgroup?

Oh I'm so sorry

I'm dreading the moment DD's old enough to go and stay with her dad.

It must be so hard at the moment, but remember that she's coming back to you. She'll be SO excited to see her mummy and you'll get so many hugs and kisses

Try to keep busy. How clean is your house? Can you give it a really good theraputic clean?!

I work from home which means no colleagues to keep me busy! But am gonna pop out to the salon in a bit.....
Trying to establish a regular pattern would be easier if I wasn't living with my parents. They bypass any decision I make and are making my life probably even more awkward than him - which is why I'm looking to find a place of my own asap and then go see a solicitor.
He could make more of an effort as he's unemployed and has no other responsibilities but he just like playing mindgames - and has realised that I'm not playing along and so has come to take her away for a few days and I think even this was done to get a 'reaction' outta me!

He said he'll bring her back tomorrow and when I asked what time he said 'evening' and I am pretty confident that he is going to bring her back very late tomorrow evening cos he thinks this will wind me up but instead I'll just smile and say 'thank you'!!

I miss every little thing about her- she falls asleep with her arms wrapped around me and her legs on mine and then gives me tons of kisses before she falls asleep! This is one little lady who I'm gonna spoil on her birthday in a few days time!!

Really feel for you Miss. You are doing the right thing by playing it cool and not letting his mind games bother you. One thing I would suggest is document everything you can. If, as you said, you will be going to a solicitor in the future then it will really help you if you have everything written down, or printed out. I'm in a very similar situation and it really destroys me when my dd goes away, but I know she's with her dad and that's all that matters. A few days away from me can be soul destroying, but rather that than a lifetime away from her dad.

I'm sure she'll be having a lovely time with her dad though and she will be massively pleased to see you when she gets home.

I cried in Tesco's once when DD was on holiday with her Dad - because I saw some pastries that were her favourite! (And she was 8 at the time.)

Chin up, you're doing great.

I feel for you, but you are doing the right thing and putting DD first.

I sympathise. But I'll just give you the other side.

I have a daughter, she's 2 and a half. I love her dearly. When I split with my partner I went from seeing her every day but two in the week, to an afternoon in the week for a few hours and alternate weekends. It took three months before my XP 'allowed' me to have DD to stay overnight. There was no reason not to, I wasn't abusive or anything like that.

Finally having my daughter to stay was one of the great moments of my life. There were a few brief occasions where she asked for mummy's home, but overall we had a great time together. It was wonderful. My daughter really loved her time there.

When I see DD in the week, I chirpilly as possible say I need to head back to daddy's home, with out fail her little face drops and she says ' daddy go home not ' . It takes a lot to reassure her I'll see her again, and not just burst into tears, which I'm not really prone to do as a grown man.

I spend entire weeks rattling around the house wishing my little girl was jumping around on the sofa, or tucked up in bed upstairs.

I do sympathise with you, I know it's hard for mums to not have their children around. But be positive. You'll find you appreciate the time, and you're doing the best for your DD

Thank you all so much.
I've had to be strong because I know that this will become a regular thing and luckily my daughter is a bright, bubbly and loving child who never causes trouble and I want her to stay that way and grow up with both her parents making her life as easy as possible for her.
Can't wait to see her tomorrow!!