Background: DD is almost five. Her father left when I was pregnant and had nothing to do with her (his choice) until two years ago, when he suddenly reappeared and expressed a wish to start seeing her. Despite my initial reservations, for DD's sake I facilitated this. So far it has worked out OK. We are civil towards one another and for the last eighteen months have met regularly and gone out all together. DD has a great time and is happy and well-adjusted to his presence in her life.
Issue: The length of time X spends with DD on his own has been increasing and last week I suggested that he have her at his house for a couple of hours without me being there for the first time.
He used this as an opportunity to introduce her to his new partner and her children without telling me first. He also made a point of keeping his new partner and her children hidden when I dropped DD off. DD was expecting it to be just her father and her together and was really excited about this, so the presence of other people left her very unsettled and confused.
I feel strongly that he should have told me that he was planning this so that I could prepare DD for the presence of others. I'm also a bit taken aback by the secrecy and hiding. I have no interest in his private life but I do have an interest in who is caring for my daughter. I don't entrust her to people I've never met. And if I were in this woman's position - meeting my new partner's child for the first time - I would want to meet the child's mother so that she could reassure herslf that I'm a responsible and pleasant person. The new partner is, presumably, a single mother too, so surely she would understand this.
It has taken a long time for me to feel that I can trust him with my daughter and I feel that that trust has been abused. I understand why he would want to introduce the people who are important to his child, but the way in which it has been done really bothers me.
So, am I overreacting?
And how should I approach the issue with him?