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HELP ASAP!!!

7 replies

Bongobaby · 16/05/2011 14:24

Have a dc but feel that i am no longer his mother.ex has spent maybe at a push 20 hours in two years with dc.no overnights he flits in and out when suits. refuses to pay for dc in last 5 years!! i do it all on my own full time working. why is nobody listening to me why why why. i,m trying to put my dc welfare first at every turn with these people but have reached the end of my sanity with trying. its been ordered.
ex is to take dc from fri to mon without telling me where to no contact add or phone no how the hell can this be. dc got very upset and crying saying don,t want to go for that length of time!! but im helpless to what do i do its turmoil to see dc upset like this.dc said he will runaway if i make him go. o please help me. i don,t want dc to run away i just want to help him. why don,t they listen why don,t they listen??

OP posts:
WhipMeIndiana · 16/05/2011 14:29

bumping this for you, sorry have no idea what to suggest
best of luck

pickyourbrain · 16/05/2011 15:37

You need to go to citizens advice pronto.

I can't tell from your post if you mean it has gone to court already? Do you have a concern about your child's safety?

Gonzo33 · 16/05/2011 16:32

Please go to CAB or get a free half hour with a solicitor or see your own if you have one. I really feel for you because I was in the same situation for years until I got proper legal advice.

(((HUGS)))

gillybean2 · 16/05/2011 18:40

When you say it's been ordered who ordered it?

No court would order that to start immediately. They would want to see gradual increase in contact and reliability from your ex to attend the contact.

The child's welfare should be put above all else. Slow and gradual build up of contact is best to eventually reach overnights and then weekends.

You need to agree to contact and allow it to gradually build up. The only way a court would order what you are saying is if you were being obstructive and refusing contact with no good reason.

Please know that you will always be your dc's mother no matter what. No-one will ever be able to replace you or fill your shoes.

Bongobaby · 16/05/2011 19:17

Gillybean2
Thats exactly what has happened and the judge at court has passed this order. I to would of thought that contact should be a gradual build up process and have said this to these people but to no avail. I have always agreeed to contact, that has never been in dispute on my part. ex does not want to collect dc from house so the judge made this order. Ex has constantly missed contact pick ups and has been given chance after chance. Admitting that he has done this . Even a member of caffcass said that he will never change!! I am distraught that this can happen and more upset that DC is planning to run away at tender age.
What makes you say that no court would order that immediately? DC is not or never has been at risk or known to social services.
Any say I had has been taken away in regards to dc welfare and now I feel he is going to go away from me aswell if dc runs away. Surely contact details should be known to me.

OP posts:
Bongobaby · 16/05/2011 19:19

Gonzo33 could you enlighten me somewhat to your situation at all. I am really torn up here. And how me and dc are going to get through this at all?

OP posts:
SimpleSingleDad · 16/05/2011 20:07

ok, I'm guessing you were in court today, and that's why this is all tumbling out in an all at once sort of way, yes?

Breath. There are ways forward.

I too had a very nasty experience at court - twat of a judge sat there literally saying he was talking off the top of his head and decided to give ex mid week overnights and alternate weekends - ie the "standard" level of contact - as he hadn't read any of the background. Arsehole gave ex an early christmas present with that, and a major problem to DD as it was always overnights that created further problems, and she'd barely had any contact before he ordered that.

But it all turned out well, so please start from the beginning.

How old is / are your DC?

What exactly has been ordered? Times, pick ups, drop offs?

Does your ex have parental responsibility?

Other than what your DC has said about running away and the lack of prior committed contact, are there any other welfare concerns?

Has this judge been involved in your case previously, or has he dropped in, crapped everywhere, never to be seen again?

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