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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

So tired, I'm close to tears constantly

19 replies

Lovemelillady · 16/05/2011 08:57

For the last 2 weeks my dd (21m) has been waking at around 12am and not going back to sleep until 3 or 4am. I am beside myself now. I've tried everything I can think of, hugs, let her cry, in my bed, milk, back rub, lullabys and nothing seems to do any good.

She's in a good routine (although everyone tells me she goes to bed too early), bath at 6pm, bed around 6:30pm and she generally falls asleep around 7:30pm. But this night time waking is taking it's toll now. I've tried stopping her naps, keeping her up later, playing with her until she's worn out, and still she wakes.

Last night she was fast asleep like a little angel at 10:30pm, so I watched tv for half hour and nodded off, then the dog started visciously barking, I was home alone as folks on shifts so I sat staring at the ceiling for a good hour, the outdoor light kept coming on and off illuminating my bedroom nicely! Then dd woke up, so I had a good hour trying to get her to sleep, tried everything imaginable, but all she wanted to do was jump on me, my bed, on and off my bed, cry a bit, drink a bit, and then when she finally started to nod off, I noticed a gigantic spider on my wall so crept out of bed to flatten it and she woke up again!

Do you think it's too early to try her with the cot sides down and a bed rail up? Any suggestions greatly appreciated with open arms, but most definately NOT open eyes!

OP posts:
SimpleSingleDad · 16/05/2011 13:04

I feel your pain - there's a reason why sleep deprevation is used as torture - it's utterly horrible and completely draining.

My suggestion is: consistency.

Make a plan based on what method(s) you want to use to get through this, do it, keep doing it. Once she's calmed down, you can then re-evaluate your plan.

Don't feel that you need to do everything, and imho, the time she's going to sleep is about right. You know her best - is she sleepy at that time, or still really rather awake?

My DD had terrible sleeping habits at around the same age, even though she had decent enough bedtime routine. I found that talking to her ("you're a big girl now, big girls go to sleep by themselves, etc, etc") worked well, alongside a certain amount of just letting stuff slide.

She will still come into my bed at stupid o'clock (she's 3.9 so this is about 18 months on), but at least she doesn't need me to hold her hand while she falls asleep, then wakes up as I try to sneak out the room.

Maybe you just need to do supernanny stuff - "darling, it's still time to sleep. Back to bed" on the first time, "Back to bed" on the second, and just take her back to bed the third and every time after.

Be prepared that it will take at least three days, and may re-occur.

ciderandblack · 16/05/2011 13:56

I was just wondering if you had ruled out teething pain being behind the wake ups? Have you tried medicating and seeing if she goes back off quicker? I second trying a consistent approach. Perhaps resolve not to let her come out of her cot, even if it means lying on the floor next to the cot until she goes off again. If your DD knows she can have milk or come to your bed then she might well keep up the night wakings. What helped with my DD was having a light on a timer signalling morning at 7am. If she wakes up in the night or early morning I tell her the morning light isn't on so she has to go back to sleep and this has worked really well since she was 18 months. I personally wouldn't take the sides of the cot off right now as you may end up with worse problems.

belleshell · 16/05/2011 20:17

my DS went into a bed with bed rail at 14 months because he kept throwing himself out of cot...with stair gate he was fine.

Good luck

Lovemelillady · 17/05/2011 14:33

Well, I've been to see the HV today who said I need to go back to my old routine with her of bed by 6pm. Had a lot of advice given, not requested that I was letting her go to bed too early, but we did well with it. HV explained that dd is probably totally wired by bed time and unable to shut off, which totally explains everything.

Never mind being Supernanny, I think I'll be calling her up soon!

Teething pain - Yeah, I have given her para and Ibu before bed some nights and it just doesn't do anything. She also has 2ml of antihistamines very occassionally as she's prone to congestion at night, and they don't even do anything.

Going to see what occurs after a few nights of 6pm bedtime, fingers crossed!

OP posts:
SimpleSingleDad · 17/05/2011 18:51

"antihistamines" - hehehe, I think I know what you mean...

In which case, I'd suggest you get a friend with a six year old to get a certain pain relief medicine (which is also something of a decongestant) - just don't use it in conjunction with calpol as it contains paracetamol.

RumourOfAHurricane · 18/05/2011 14:27

This reply has been deleted

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Lovemelillady · 18/05/2011 20:20

Gosh, no! Thats not what the antih's are for, she does get congested, and were prescribed on an "as and when" needed basis. But given that they can cause drowsiness, they don't seem to keep her asleep either.

She slept last night til 12, up til 1, then back to sleep, so that's a good thing. Although getting her into bed is now also a problem! Think I'm just going to have to get reading those stories and hope she sorts herself out with a bit of TLC and Winnie The Pooh!

OP posts:
nancy75 · 18/05/2011 20:23

is she napping during the day? Maybe shorten her afternoon nap by 15minutes so she is more ready for bed?

lukewarmmama · 18/05/2011 20:32

It's a classic age for night wakings to start I think, either due to molars coming through, or more awareness of the outside world, so more bad dreams.

If you've ruled out teething pain, then maybe try a nightlight?

Also, if she's taking an hour to go to sleep at bedtime, that sounds like a long time? Maybe a later bedtime, or adjusting naps in the day?

Consistency is definitely the key though. This has been going on for a couple of weeks, and it sounds like you've tried something new every night! Understandably, as sleep deprivation is hell on earth, but you've got to give each thing you try a good few nights to work. And I don't think that taking the cot sides off will help, no.

Good luck. This too shall pass.

PercyPigPie · 18/05/2011 20:41

One of our DC started waking like this after chicken pox and we took him to cranial osteopathy - he never did it again. Has she had a bad illness recently?

I'm not a lone parent (this came up in active conv) and am in awe of anyone who is.

Lovemelillady · 18/05/2011 20:42

Thanks lukewarm :) We went to see the HV and she advised going back to her old routine for bedtime, so her body clock is probably messed right up, Poor little lassie!

nancy - yeah she does nap in the afternoons, I may try and structure it more though so she's more tired for bed.

Odd thing is though, I read her a story on the sofa (no tv) and she was supping her milk. She took my hand and off she went to bed. Got in her cot, snuggled down, pulled her quilt up to her neck and shrugged her bottle away. 15 minutes later she was howling!!! Fingers crossed no night time waking tonight!

OP posts:
shineoncrazydiam0nd · 18/05/2011 21:15

Sorry Op- I in no way wanted to insinuate that YOU would give a baby Medised - merely pointing out that is is not 'funny - hehehe' to suggest it when there is absolutely no reason to do so.. as 'advised' by SSD. Poor parenting or what... Think the clue lies somewhere in his name...

My advice would be to try and cut back on daytime sleep, and if she still needs a nap, make sure it is as early in the day as you can. Can be just one of those things though - but no less irritating because of that.

SimpleSingleDad · 18/05/2011 21:40

My bad, and my apologies - I didn't fully consider OP's DD's age.

lukewarmmama · 19/05/2011 08:42

How did it go last night Lovemelillady? It does sound odd that she went to bed so happily, then got upset - are you sure its not teething?! Or maybe she did one of those waking up with a start things (if you know what I mean), that can happen when you're really tired and you've just dropped off to sleep. Poor thing, and poor you, hope you got some sleep.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 19/05/2011 08:45

Mine started doing that around the same age - going to sleep fine, then wailing hysterically within the next hour, I've never experienced that from her before or since.

We did switch her to a toddler bed, but mostly on the theory that we might as well do it when sleep was bad anyway. It meant about 2 weeks of gleeful rampaging after lights' out, but then she settled down and has been better ever since. It might not be a magic bullet, but it can't really hurt.

You poor thing!

Lovemelillady · 19/05/2011 11:51

:( not good. After her hour of crying and me sat reading over her wailing, I eventually put her into bed with Tinkerbell audio book on low so she could just hear it. She also took her book to bed with her?! Bless.

She got up again at 11:45, couldn't do a thing with her, so she got in bed with me again. Settled down and woke up a 6:45 cuddled up to me.

I have had her to the docs and she's on antibi's now so let's see if these clear her up enough to sleep through the night.

ty for all your advice, it's much appreciate :)

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 19/05/2011 16:45

If she likes and settles with a story cd then get lots more. At that age ds would only go to bed with a nursery rhyme cd playing. Befoe that he had a lights and music thing on his cot which he could press to play tunes. Nowadays he still has his cd on at bedtime though it tends to be story cd's now. And yes they like the book as they listen so they can see the pictures it refers too.
Ds also has a night light so he doesn't feel like he's all alone.
Do you think it's time to drop the daytime nap all together? I know it makes for a miserable afternoon for a while but if she doesn't need as much sleep anymore then she's not going to sleep so well at night.
And have you tried wearing her out? A later afternoon trip to the park or soft play can have the desired affect!

lukewarmmama · 19/05/2011 19:49

Oh poor love, if she's poorly then no wonder it's all going tits up. Just muddle through until she's better and worry about it then if it doesn't sort itself out.

Can you get a nap in the day when she does?

Lovemelillady · 19/05/2011 19:57

Yeah I am able to have a nap, thank goodness. I hate being unemployed usually, except when this happens. I don't know how working single mums do it. Big hats off!

She is currently in bed and I have not heard a peep out of her, so she's doing good so far. Should think the antib's have settled her poorly ears a bit so fingers crossed she can have a good sleep tonight.

Daytime nap is being slowly reduced. She had an hour today, so I'll knock 10 mins off tomorrow and take her for a walk I think. Poor little lady, she was so upset earlier, breaks my heart to see her poorly as she's normally so happy and bouncy!

OP posts:
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