Really struggling

[secretskillrelationships]

Wrote a very long post but it boils down to this:

My H left 20 months ago. Things should be getting easier but they're not. We're all miserable and there doesn't seem to be any way out. I'm exhausted trying to support DCs and there's no support for me except the 1h a week counselling which I can't really afford. I'm lonely, miserable and fed up. I've tried everything I can think of to make friends and nothing's worked. I feel totally resentful of the situation I am in and very angry. I try to do my best for the DCs but it never seems to be enough. I've got a moody 13 year old and a needy clingy 7 year old. Only the 11 year old appears to be coping on any level but that's mostly because she uses me as an emotional punchbag, which I find exhausting. Whenever I try to change things and do something different you can guarantee that one of the DCs will be difficult. I no longer have any patience when I used to be incredibly patient.

I've completely run out of steam.

no real advice. am 7 years on tho,and i can promise it does get easier.
take time for yourself,be kind to yourself too.

maybe the dc could use some counselling?

Thanks for responses.

DCs all had counselling including some familiy counselling for youngest which was the pits, quite frankly. Not overly impressed with standard of counselling tbh which included counsellor telling DD (10 at time) that she'd 'get over it'. As she said, 'I'm not going to "get over it", I'll learn to live with it but it's not like a bug and I'll get better.'

Keep hitting rock bottom, have been hitting it for about 5 years, but keep finding there's even worse to come. Just want out now but completely stuck.

Have tried Am dram (before split, but ex is now am dram crazy so all those 'friends' see him more etc etc), classes in things I like, class rep, inviting people for meals, meeting up for coffee, turning up to everything I've been invited to, even on my own when everyone else a couple, all school events. People all very friendly at school gate etc, just can't seem to move it on. Everyone very coupled up. Can't remember the last time someone rang me to invite me out, even for coffee.

Ex isn't working and is suddenly spending time with lots of people being this great affable bloke while I have sod all time and sod all money.

Have you tried MIND for your counselling? I go there and they're free

It may also be an idea to consider anti depressants - I know a lot of people on MN are against them, but there are several types to try, and as a short to medium term solution to help lift the fog a little I'd say it would be worth trying.

It's a damn shame your family counselling was so rubbish.

Nothing stays the same for ever,
Things will change,
they will get better. Think of how well you have done so far. No matter how rough you felt you have still managed to look after three children on your own...and it is hard....and very lonely sometimes. I try and do lots of stuff with my three but it still stings when i tale them places and everyone else is in a couple...but children learn by role models. Believe me when i say your children will gain an awfull lot from seeong the way you handle stuff (and yes we all lose it sometimes and do it badly but you have to let that go)...
Its still early days for you. four years on its still hard but there are alot more smi;es these days... it will get better, promise xxxx

Thanks for responses. Saw osteopath yesterday who put me back together and feeling much more positive again.

Just very tired of having to do it all and really scared by how low I got and how quickly this weekend. Can usually put the break on when I start to feel overwhelmed but it all just got completely on top of me. Someone I know called it resentment flu and I guess I just got a really bad dose of it.

I think I thought things would be a bit easier by now and I'm shocked that it seems to be getting harder if anything. However, I have also seen my counsellor and realised that we are all feeling angry at the moment and I find it more difficult to deal with the DCs anger, probably because, as is very apparent now from my initial post, I am very angry too! Am thinking that maybe we need to find space for a punchbag or something so we can all let off a bit of steam.